Uninvited Guest

ericaaxo

I have an old friend I grew up with. She did not make the cut for our small wedding guestlist. I didnt mention the wedding to her, so I didnt get her hopes up for an invite that never came, but she heard about it through a cousin of mine. She automatically assumed she was invited and it starting to make plans to travel for the wedding. Problem is we are at the max on our guest list for what the room will allow. Do I have to invite her now, because she has booked travel to come to the wedding already? I dont want to hurt her feelings or lose her friendship, but we really havent been close in a few years, we are already over room capacity and if we do have room, there are closer friends I would prefer to invite instead.

HELP!

banana468

Be nice but you need to nip this now.  Just say, "I'm so happy that you're excited about the wedding but we do have to limit the guest list  Let's plan a time to get together when we're back from the honeymoon!"

unplainjane

that's a weird thing to do. i would never automatically think i was invited to a wedding except if it was immediate family. break it to her gently that you heard she had made plans to come but you've maxed out your venue. i don't think you should bump someone more important to you because she invited herself.

loop0406

She booked travel already ?

If there is 1 seat available for her, yes, invite her

tldh

If she already booked her travel, I would let her come.  If it's airfare, it's non-refundable.  It's pushy, yes, but you can count on some people declining your invite.  I had a good friend from law school whom I haven't seen in 6 years do the same thing.  We made room for her and her husband.

squirrly

If there's any possibility you can accommodate her and you don't have a problem with her attending (aside from space), I'd make it happen.  If you can't, I'd call her right now and do as Banana says.

Did she book her travel without even talking to you?

lilianne22

I would do what banana says.  Don't feel obligated to invite her just because she set up travel plans (especially since you said you are already over max capacity).  She chose to do that that before getting an invite OR speaking with you about it, so that is her issue to deal with not yours.  Do talk to her about it soon though so she doesn't put any more travel arrangements in place.

beamer84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_uninvited-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f5d762fa-efd8-4a7f-a5e6-2c5b5410013bPost:2c70a0c0-0476-45ac-9f82-2192fe7514c7">Re: Uninvited Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]I would do what banana says.  Don't feel obligated to invite her just because she set up travel plans (especially since you said you are already over max capacity).  She chose to do that that before getting an invite OR speaking with you about it, so that is her issue to deal with not yours.  Do talk to her about it soon though so she doesn't put any more travel arrangements in place.
Posted by lilianne22[/QUOTE]

I agree. It's her fault for assuming she was invited. You are under no obligation to invite her.

JennaV26

Wow that was pretty bold of her, IMO. How did you find out she booked her travel? If she called you to tell you that was probably your best opportunity to tell her she's not invited. If you found out through your booking accomodations then you need to call her ASAP and explain the situation, that you are limited on space and are unable to invite everyone you want there.

catemeg

I think you are under no obligation, but like you said, you don't want to ruin the friendship.  And fair or not, if she made plans to come to your wedding and you tell her she can't attend, it's going to be rough on the friendship.

I think for me the defining point would be if she had booked airfare - if she just reserved a hotel and can cancel her plans without losing money, it's easier to politely break the news to her.  If she's put any non-refundable money towards it, I'd say you're probably best to try to accomodate her.  You'll likely have at least one seat - even if everyone RSVP's, people get sick, have family emergencies, etc. all the time and aren't able to make weddings.  Try to plan to have an extra seat, but you most likely will just be able to squeeze her in.

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_uninvited-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f5d762fa-efd8-4a7f-a5e6-2c5b5410013bPost:0a29c140-2d8a-4996-af65-b8beb40715c1">Re: Uninvited Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Be nice but you need to nip this now.  Just say, "I'm so happy that you're excited about the wedding but we do have to limit the guest list  Let's plan a time to get together when we're back from the honeymoon!"
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Ditto.  You are under no obligation to invite her.  I think this (above) is the perfect template to use for your conversation.

balasj

Wow - who books non-refundable travel without at least receiving a save the date???  It would be nice if you can accommodate her but technically you aren't obligated...  It was her own fault for jumping the gun.  But as PPs say, best to save a friendship if you can fit one more chair - I just hope she didn't book travel for a date!