Guest list Dilemma....

Mandee89

 I am not to sure on what to really do...there are a few people in my family that have came to other weddings and the guy that was like 35 years old was wearing a spiderman shirt and his wife and gets were in their daily clothes. I have thought about just not inviting them because I think that was disrespectful and I do not want that at my wedding but at the same time I feel bad leaving them out....Any suggestions?

SSaltzman87

Since they're family, it'd be incredibly rude to not include them. That would backfire on you, IMHO.

How formal of a wedding do you plan to have?

Mandee89

Its actually pretty formal....And I dont know if I should put something in the invitation or not....I rarely talk to these people but they do come to almost any huge family event so I dont know really what to do...I just dont want them showing up in blue jeans and a tshirt...They are kinda sloppy people and I dont mean to be mean but its the honest to god truth. When they showed up to my cousins wedding I felt extremely embarrased and it wasnt even my wedding.

FLGatorGal88

I wouldnt put the attire on the invitation... I would spread it by word of mouth and if you have a wedding website I would put it on there...

Swazzle

Don't put it on the invitation. Unfortunately, you can't really control other people & you just kind of have to trust that they'll show up dressed appropriately. It's not going to ruin your wedding day if a couple people didn't dress properly.

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_guest-list-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:58d31c59-a043-4a2f-9b30-10f9043a2e5dPost:e2ea9abc-2727-4c29-9d2d-8fa5d73b698c">Re: Guest list Dilemma....</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't put it on the invitation. Unfortunately, you can't really control other people & you just kind of have to trust that they'll show up dressed appropriately. It's not going to ruin your wedding day if a couple people didn't dress properly.
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]
I agree with not putting it on the invite, unless it's black tie like on this invitation <a href="http://invitationsbyajalon.com/blog/wedding-invitations-dress-code/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"><clicky></a>

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_guest-list-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:58d31c59-a043-4a2f-9b30-10f9043a2e5dPost:a09ccd58-1e89-4655-be58-b47243c9aeb8">Re: Guest list Dilemma....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list Dilemma.... : I agree with not putting it on the invite, unless it's black tie like on this invitation <clicky />
Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]

<div>Absolutely, good point! In that case, because it's a black tie event (tuxes for men, gowns for women), it'd definitely be appropriate to let your guests know that ahead of time on the invitation because it's required. Otherwise the style of your invitation should convey how formal the wedding is or isn't. </div>

pittpoint1119

I would spread word of mouth, I have a few family members like that as well. Ours is somewhat formal too, all I can do is tell them at other family events and pray they dress up, if not I wont let it ruin my day

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_guest-list-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:58d31c59-a043-4a2f-9b30-10f9043a2e5dPost:e2ea9abc-2727-4c29-9d2d-8fa5d73b698c">Re: Guest list Dilemma....</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't put it on the invitation. Unfortunately, you can't really control other people & you just kind of have to trust that they'll show up dressed appropriately. <strong>It's not going to ruin your wedding day if a couple people didn't dress properly.</strong>
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

<div>I totally agree with this.  They're the ones who will look bad if they don't dress properly.  You have to invite them if they are within the family "circles" that you are inviting.  We are having a black tie optional wedding.  I was planning on putting that in the invitations... do we think that it's rude to do this?</div>

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_guest-list-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:58d31c59-a043-4a2f-9b30-10f9043a2e5dPost:5ffe9410-d1a9-4ad6-928c-355cafa900e6">Re: Guest list Dilemma....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest list Dilemma.... : I totally agree with this.  They're the ones who will look bad if they don't dress properly.  You have to invite them if they are within the family "circles" that you are inviting.  We are having a black tie optional wedding.  I was planning on putting that in the invitations... do we think that it's rude to do this?
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

<div>If I received an invitation with this on it, honestly, I'm not going to be offended or make a fuss over it. I'm sure there are definitely people that would and it IS against etiquette. The thing is "black tie optional" isn't really giving someone any sort of direction, so it's sort of pointless to include anyways, KWIM?</div>

AMISSA31

What guests wear is a reflection on them...not you.  I have the same issue with a couple of people in my family....but what can I do?... nothing. 
However, my Mom has spoke to them and let them know how nice of an event this will be and since they know me...I don't think it will be ok. 

You have other things to think about than their attire...unless it's not clean or something like that.

abbyandmatt51

I would make a little piece of paper saying "formal clothing required" or "black tie" and slip it into JUST their invitations. haha. And pray that they just think everyone got one and dress accordingly.

If they're going to breech etiquette and dress sloppily for your wedding, I say you could try a pre-emptive strike like that to help be proactive. Yes, it's "rude", but hopefully it can be used as a tactful way to encourage them to put on their very best jeans and t-shirts.

Good luck!

ChefBride524

You're really considering not inviting family based solely on what they might *wear*? Really?

I agree it will only reflect on them and hopefully you'll be so full of feelings of elation that you'll barely notice. It's not like they're in the bridal party or immediate family that they'd be in any formal portraits.

Preemptively, you can add a FAQs section on your wedding website that gives a quick formal attire message across and you can give your photographer a heads up to be sure they aren't photobombing a ton of photos (or in the prominent background of your important shots like youy first dance). Other than that, let it go. You can't control it, you won't care a year after the wedding, so you shouldn't lose sleep over it.

Mandee89

Thank you everyone for your advice, I honestly don't know what I would do without you guys lol. I think I am just going to make it very clear by word of mouth and just hope they don't dress in street clothes. The reception is very elegant and I am just hoping they have some respect. I will not let it ruin my day regardless. Thank you everyone!!!