Military Brides

Legally married before the wedding?

124»

Re: Legally married before the wedding?

  • I am a LT in the Navy, and boy do I wish I could cash in on an extra $1000 tax free per month of BAH if I got a JOP now. However, I really want to have our wedding next June at a very special venue. I also get out of the Navy next August, so I will only get 2 months of extra BAH. That is the way it goes. I could choose to forgo my fancy wedding, save the money on that, get married tomorrow, and get paid more! But I'm a girly girl and I want my wedding as I pictured, so I will be wearing my white dress next June, and will have to wait for the benefits that come with that.
    NYCMercedesrajahmdmrsfinniflyingfoxes
  • Ok, so here's my experience.  M and I were engaged in May after he returned from deployment. I had chosen to move from our home state to where he was stationed.  We had decided that I would not work after we were given orders to PCS in 5 months. Come July, we decided that it would be more beneficial to go ahead and get married at the courthouse because of all the moves (we just moved and have another one after our wedding) and he had to have a very serious medical procedure.  
     I was raised in a Catholic Church by a Catholic mother and a Lutheran Father, I also happen to be my father's only child and the baby of the family.  So, needless to say, this was not something that I EVER thought I would do. My mother definitely was conflicted with it until she realized that this was the most logical thing to do because of our situation, hell, we were gonna get married anyway.  Luckily, she finally came forward and said that it made sense when I explained it.  
    What we decided to do, ultimately, was up to M and I because we are adults.  Neither of us expected it to be this way but we are grateful we did it.  We've only told a very limited number of people and although we are married, and recognize that we are married, it doesn't feel finalized.  Our wedding is in May of next year.  The way we look at it is this: All we did was get the legal messy part taken care of first, the wedding is our spiritual finalization and what we get to share with our family and friends.  
    I also made sure my parents were there when we went to the courthouse.
    Honestly, it's the best decision we made.  There have been so many benefits, both expected and unexpected.  Sweetheart, talk to your mom, be honest and explain how you feel; maybe she will understand..
    Side note: M and I have known each other for 23 years and we laugh and joke about this whole thing. After the courthouse, we went and had breakfast with my parents.  It seemed like such an ordinary day... so ordinary that I forgot that we had done it later that week.  I don't think he'll ever let me forget that! 
    Another thing, in our experience with some of our friends in the millitary, most have done the same thing for one reason or another. Only YOU and YOUR Fiancee know what's right.  This is a family decision.  Don't listen to what anyone else has to say.  Listen to your heart, listen to your gut, it'll help you decide what to do.
    MariaBend25
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    @danceme0918, your attitude disgusts me too. You lie to people and steal from the taxpayers, while claiming to be religious. You are really disloyal to our country's ideals by calling a legal marriage messy. You chose to move and you chose not to work. You chose to be lazy, entitled, and spoiled. Is your priest going to be down with all this hypocrisy?
    rajahmd
  • You can judge me all you want, but at the end of the day, I face MY creator, NOT YOU.  Your judgement against an individual that you do not know is disgusting.  For the record, WE chose for me to not work for a few months.  That does not mean that I am "Lazy, entitled, and spoiled" as you so kindly put it; in fact, I lived off of my own savings from jobs (tax paying) that I have been working since I was legally old enough to work.  But, I'm not going to sit here and explain myself to you.  I share my experience (which I believe is what was asked for in the original post), not my judgement.  It is not up to me to d*mn, or berate, someone publicly for a decision that they have made or for a question they are asking.  Good day ladies, and good luck with life.  I do, sincerely, hope that your lives are blessed, full of happiness, joy, and wonderful gifts to come. 
  • Yeah, fraud is always a good thing to commit.


    image

    Military Newlyweds FAQ Button
    lmac0529mrsfinniQueerFemme
  • kgd7357kgd7357
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited November 2013
    @danceme0918

    I think people are just confused why you couldn't have a beautiful small church ceremony when you did the legal one. Then you could be both legally and spiritually (as you say) married now. Then maybe a party on your one year anniversary or something. Depending on what church you are getting married in, I'm also not sure if they do "for show" weddings. But that is for you to figure out.

    I'm not sure why people are using words like "fraud" or "stealing". You got married, and from everything I know it is to the man (or woman) you love. Doesn't really sound like fraud to me.

    A word of advice though, any disparaging remarks referring to the legal portion of a wedding as any less special does not go over well on this site. To many people, that is the most important part, and calling it messy is just not a good idea.
    NYCMercedesdanceme0918
  • You can judge me all you want, but at the end of the day, I face MY creator, NOT YOU.  Your judgement against an individual that you do not know is disgusting.  For the record, WE chose for me to not work for a few months.  That does not mean that I am "Lazy, entitled, and spoiled" as you so kindly put it; in fact, I lived off of my own savings from jobs (tax paying) that I have been working since I was legally old enough to work.  But, I'm not going to sit here and explain myself to you.  I share my experience (which I believe is what was asked for in the original post), not my judgement.  It is not up to me to d*mn, or berate, someone publicly for a decision that they have made or for a question they are asking.  Good day ladies, and good luck with life.  I do, sincerely, hope that your lives are blessed, full of happiness, joy, and wonderful gifts to come. 

    I won't call you lazy or entitled but I will call you a liar. You're lying by omission to people you supposedly care about and I don't condone that behavior.

    As for fraud, it is defined as a deceitful act intended for financial gain. There are several individuals who come on to this site saying "oh, we had a JOP to make money to pay for our fake wedding but we 're pretending to not be married so our fake wedding will be more real." 1. I don't know how you can't define that as fraud. 2. That just has so much wrong with it, morally, that I can't even think of what I would do if someone in my family or a friend tried to pull that crap. I would have to seriously consider cutting ties with that person.
    image
    NYCMercedesmanjermjlmac0529mrsfinni
  • Honestly, I would do it. My fiancé and I are getting legally married first simply to shut my parents up about me moving in with him next year (very religious family).
  • Katze666 said:
    Honestly, I would do it. My fiancé and I are getting legally married first simply to shut my parents up about me moving in with him next year (very religious family).
    Then have your church wedding at the same time, then you can shut your parents up AND not be rude and entitled.  It's a win/win
    manateehuggermc0113[Deleted User]Lizzieyounce
  • I know im super late on this, but maybe this still applies to you or someone else reading this. My fiance and I (dual military) are planning a wedding for a year from now, however we have legally been married for almost 2 years. our friends and family do not know and we only told our closest 2 friends. we didnt do it for money, however, we did it to be together. they were not going to station us together and we had already done 2 years apart. i wasnt doing that again! point is... everyone is different. and truthfully, this is INCREDIBLY common in the service. at the end of the day, do what is right for you and your family, but if you know you are getting married and cant afford the wedding you want/deserve/have been dreaming about forever, then get married and have the wedding when you can. Ive come to find that a wedding is different than a marriage.. the wedding isnt always the start of a marriage. :)
    cathyjo7
  • I know im super late on this, but maybe this still applies to you or someone else reading this. My fiance and I (dual military) are planning a wedding for a year from now, however we have legally been married for almost 2 years. our friends and family do not know and we only told our closest 2 friends. we didnt do it for money, however, we did it to be together. they were not going to station us together and we had already done 2 years apart. i wasnt doing that again! point is... everyone is different. and truthfully, this is INCREDIBLY common in the service. at the end of the day, do what is right for you and your family, but if you know you are getting married and cant afford the wedding you want/deserve/have been dreaming about forever, then get married and have the wedding when you can. Ive come to find that a wedding is different than a marriage.. the wedding isnt always the start of a marriage. :)
     
    Stuck in the box:
     
    Lying is not incredibly common in the military nor is it encouraged.
    NYCMercedesQueerFemmemc0113rajahmd
  • Congrats, you're a liar. Way to exemplify the standard. You had your wedding. It was your JOP. It was the start of your marriage. I'm dual military too. It's no excuse to lie. 

    Girl. What are you doing here lol.
    image
  • I'm sorry, if a wedding isn't always the start of a marriage, what is it? Does that mean your husband was free to have sex with other women if you weren't married yet?
    That's probably one of the stupidest statements I've ever read.


    image

    Military Newlyweds FAQ Button
    kmmssgwrigleyvillerajahmdadwks
124»
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards