Snarky Brides

Am I wrong??

My aunt was not invited to the wedding, for my own reasons. We had a huge falling out 9 years ago and have t spoken since. If I am at a family event and she knows, she doesn't show or shows and blows me off. Ive pretty much just said forget it, its not worth it anymore.

my grandparents are invited to our wedding PLUS A CAREGIVER, my grandfather is older and in failing health physically. My grandma has eary signs of dementia too. They are required to take a care giver with them everywhere they go. We considered this, we sent the invite to grandma, grandpa plus caregiver thinking they would bring their day nurse (same nurse for the past 10+ yrs).

That being said they can not commit and FI and I have agreed its one of those situations, we are saving 3 seats for them regardless if they are coming or not.

I come to find out my aunt has decided she is the caregiver for the wedding should they come. My mom broke this ice to me. I politely told her "that's fine, its the caregiver of their choosing but if they are bringing her they can NOT bring their nurse" and my mother then tells me "she said if they aren't up to it that day then she will just come in their place". I stood my ground and said "if grandpa is too ill that day she needs to stay and take care of him, their seats are THREE OR NONE"

Basically it feels like my aunt is using the "caregiver" status as a reason to come regardless.

Am I wrong to say no that's not the case?? This aunt has never met my FI, heck she's never met 1 of my children (and she's somewhat local). In my divorce tried to make things very bitter between my ex and I. She told him I was taking the kids and leaving the state and a bunch of other stuff (he gave me the emails, bc we were still civil despite the divorce).

Re: Am I wrong??

  • Sounds like she isn't invited under any circumstance and she's trying to use your grandparents and their caregiver as a loop hole to wrangle an invite to an event she knows she's not invited to. 

    You are not wrong. This is your wedding and you decide the guest list. Make it clear that the invitation is for your grandparents and their nurse (by name). I would also see if you can arrange with your DOC a way to monitor your event to make sure uninvited guests do not succeed in crashing your wedding (i.e. if she shows up have her quietly escorted out). 

    Either that or just don't worry about it... if she crashes the reception for a free dinner, who really cares anyway you won't even really see her because you'll be busy with all the commotion. Unless she causes a scene... that's whole other issue. Use your better judgement.

    Anniversary
  • I don't think you are wrong at all. I definitely agree she is just trying to get herself to that wedding. 

    I have an aunt who came to my wedding when we were not speaking. Her daughter and I no longer speak and we did not invite her or her husband to the wedding since we told them we no longer wanted them in our lives. My aunt and I were no longer speaking as a result of that severed relationship. However, since we had sent her a STD and she hadn't actually done anything to us, we felt obligated to invite her. 

    I was surprised she came, but based on past experience,  I know she did it so she could "report back" to my cousin what my wedding was like. I was seething while she stood with us in family pics b/c I couldn't believe she would actually participate in them. Really?  We don't speak, and you think you should hang around for pics?  But I said nothing b/c I didn't want to be the b!tch. She did not give us a gift, and later I found out from my grandfather that she had purchased a card and gift card for us but then decided at the reception not to give it to us. That pissed me off even more under the circumstances. 

    So I feel your anger, but just keep your head up and handle whatever happens as graciously as you can. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Thanks ladies If she comes with my grandparents, it is what it is... And I know ill or not my grand father will not let her get out of line. Despite everything he still tries to get us together and tries to make her play nice. I'm just irritated that she's now saying she's coming even if they don't... Umm no! We're working on a gate check in at the venue. Not on the list, no entry. PERIOD. Im thinking i can specify grandma p, grandpa p PLUS caregiver.... If they show then its them and care giver... If its just her, she's not on the list :-) If she comes alone I guarantee she will drink way too much and cause a scene. She WOULD be the one to loudly compare this wedding to my first in front of people.
  • You are NOT wrong! Nine years is a LONG time to be estranged, and if she can't speak to you any other time, why should she come and be a grump on your day!? You should definitely stand your ground!

  • Sounds a bit like my situation.  I have an Aunt who I do actually love but I don't like, but the problem is how she has treated my sister and my Mom. 

    She did not acknowledge my sister's wedding, not a phone call, an e-mail, a letter, a card - not even an RSVP regret.  She lives within a reasonable drive of my sister's wedding location, and is able-bodied and has driven down that way OR further many times.  We also would have picked her up, etc. if needed.

    She accused my Mom (who is a nurse) of poisoning both my Grandmother (when my GM was living at my Mom's and my Mom was her caregiver) and poisoning herself.

    She is one of those people who if they are not your relative sounds like a real blast to know, but is incredibly selfish and insensitive.  For some reason I don't understand, she has *always* favored me vs. my sister, to the point of almost treating me like a daughter vs. treating my sister like a stranger. 

    Recently she called her sister (my other Aunt) to say "what is going on with Ella???!!!"  and I think it's because she heard through a grapevine I am engaged.  I told my other Aunt to just give her my cell phone # (which has not changed in 10 years, but she maybe has  lost it) and figured she can call me and ask me herself.  This was two weeks ago, and I have not heard from her - yet.

    It was my intention to not invite her, but I am still debating on inviting her daughter and that woman's husband and two sons.  I just worry (as you do) that she will show up and/or make waves.  And I don't want to have to police our guests, but I really think she could say or do just about anything under the 'right/wrong' circumstances. 

    Good luck!!!!
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