Rehearsal Dinner guest list

telyn

My brother is getting married this summer, it's out of town but it's just barely out of town for the bride (her family is from the next town over). My mom is starting to plan the rehearsal dinner as she was asked. She asked for the guest list and the bride said she doesnt have the names down yet, but said it will need to seat 50 people.  I cannot fathom it. 5 maids (and lets say their dates) 5 GM (add in dates) the bride, the groom that get us to 22. Add in immediate family on our side and you get to 30. How is  possible to get 20 more people?

Anyway, brides what should we do? How do you bring up paring down this list? My mom is distrought- she doesn't want to look cheap, but at the same time that is an overwhelming amount when you consider that she is paying for 10 people in our family to come to this wedding in the first place and the brides family lives 3 miles down the road.

AddieCake

First, what do you mean your mom was asked to host this?  Who asked her?  Whomever that was, was wrong b/c you should never ask anyone to throw you a party. But that ship has sailed. 

I am betting they have a bunch of "extra" relatives they want to include. Your mom needs to talk to your brother and his fiance and let them know how many people she can afford to host. Obviously she knows if she is hosting, she must host the WP and their SOs and the immediate family VIPs (30 by your count). Beyond that, she should not have to accommodate anyone.  The bride should then tell her family the guest list is capped at 30. If your brother and his bride want to contribute money or if her family offers to contribute, that's great. But your mom definitely shouldn't have to host all those extra people. 

MairePoppy

Your mom is the host the this party so she gets to decide on the budget, number of guests and type of dinner that will be served. The only restrictions is that everyone (except paid vendors) who is expected at the rehearsal, as well as  significant others should be invited to the dinner. It's possible that the bride's immediate family, minister, readers, ushers and S/Os total 20 guests. If that's the case your mother should consider doing something casual such as beer, soda, pizza or a backyard bbq. She shouldn't break her budget for this dinner. 

By the way, it was wrong of the B & G to expect your mother to plan and pay for the RD. She wasn't obligated to do that. 

itzMS

Here was our guest list:
B+G
MOH+Date
BM+Husband
BM
BM
Best Man and BM (married couple)
GM
GM
GM+Wife
GM+Wife
MOB+FOB
MOG+Boyfriend
FOG+StepMOG
Sister+boyfriend
Brother+Wife
Brother
Sister
5 nieces and nephews
=32 and most of our bridal party didn't have dates.

Some people also include grandparents (we don't have any left), godparents (N/A in our case), Officiant/Musicians/Wedding Planner (ours all declined), some weddings also have readers or gift bearers.

I could easily see how she got to 50.

ashleyalviz

I completely agree that the bride should not have asked to have someone host the RD. The RD guest list DOES NOT have to ONLY include the wedding party. I am a future bride and am thinking of my RD already. We are getting married in Sacramento and my FI family lives in Stockton. They are OOT but my family is coming from San Diego. We plan on paying for all 35 guests for an RD dinner OURSELVES if we have one!! that includes family that isn't in wedding party!

I think you should talk to your mom and tell her that you need to come up with a tactful way to say we will pay for X amount of guests for the actual wedding party, and any exra invites can be paid by bride/groom or just bride and her family.
The tradition of the grooms side paying for RD is not required anymore. and i sure don't expect my FI family to pay for it.