Wedding Party

Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?

My finace has 2 nieces who will be 6 and 2 by the time our wedding comes around.  Our ceremony and reception are taking place at the same venue.  Our ceremony and reception is kid free except for the flower girls.  Is it OK to invite the flower girls to take part in the ceremony but have them leave before the reception starts?

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Re: Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?

  • No.

    How do you expect them to leave? Unless the parents asked you about it, please don't bring this up with them. It looks like you want them for props, not to actually join in the celebration of the day. Our flowers girls will be at the ceremony and reception, along with their parents and grandparents (all good friends of ours). If they get tired, the parents will  make arrangements for them to leave with a friend or head out early. Parent's decision, not yours.
    Blue_Bird
  • No, it's not okay to ask any of your guests, regardless of their ages, to leave your wedding halfway through. The reception is the thank you for witnessing your ceremony. These girls will be IN your ceremony. They for sure should be invited to the reception. They'll nibble some kids food, spin in circles on the dance floor and look adorable. No one should question why they're attending if no other kids are because the answer should be obvious.
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    Blue_Bird
  • Both my flower girls will be at the ceremony and not at the reception. (Ceremony and Reception are at the same place). Althought the parents are the ones who brought it up, because they want to let loose at the reception and have made arrangments themselves.
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    Anniversary
  • Thanks, I haven't brought it up yet to the parents.  I am now thinking we just shouldn't have them in the wedding at all.  The wedding starts at 6:30pm and will go to midnight.  It is not a very kid friendly time in my opinion and I feel like if they are at the receoption then other kids should be allowed which wasn't what we were planning on doing.

  •  
     My situation is similar to bubblegum's. We have a RB, (not having a FG), and he will be attending the ceremony, but not the reception, as we chose an adult only evening. With not having anyone else his age there, his parent's were more than happy to have him stay home, and enjoy an evening to themselves. :) 
  • In Response to Re: Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    Both my flower girls will be at the ceremony and not at the reception. (Ceremony and Reception are at the same place). Althought the parents are the ones who brought it up, because they want to let loose at the reception and have made arrangments themselves.
    Posted by bubblegum1309
    OK, I guess I really need to have the parents bring it up and see where they stand.  Hopefully they will be on the same page as your guests.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    Definitely not ok. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • If you've already asked the girls to participate, please don't uninvite them. That would be terrible. And definitely invite the family to the WHOLE day, if the parents want their daughters to go after, they'll tell you.
    Blue_Bird
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    In Response to Re:Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    nbsp;nbsp;My situation is similar to bubblegum's. We have a RB, not having a FG, and he will be attending the ceremony, but not the reception, as we chose an adult only evening. With not having anyone else his age there, his parent's were more than happy to have him stay home, and enjoy an evening to themselves. :nbsp; Posted by JMalettas
    So you asked his parents to leave a portion of the reception so they can take him home? If they really wanted an evening to themselves, they could leave him at home the whole time. The poor little kid is going to wonder why everyone else gets to go to the party with cake and he has to go home. Also, unrelated, but why are your posts always in bold font?
    Blue_Bird
  • It's NOT ok to have a child in your wedding and then demand that they go home before the reception.  Either have a kid-free ceremony, or include the kids at the reception.

    If the parents decide, on their own, to take their child to a sitter, that's up to them.  But, you can't have it both ways. Every guest at the ceremony, should be a guest at the reception. Even if they are kids.

  • In Response to Re: Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    Thanks, I haven't brought it up yet to the parents.  I am now thinking we just shouldn't have them in the wedding at all.  The wedding starts at 6:30pm and will go to midnight.  It is not a very kid friendly time in my opinion and I feel like if they are at the receoption then other kids should be allowed which wasn't what we were planning on doing.
    Posted by KAK2014
    You haven't brought up to the parents that you want their kids to not attend the reception or you haven't brought up to the parents that you want their daughters to be flower girls? Because if you've already asked them to be flower girls, it would be doubly-oodly rude to kick them out now.

    Blue_Bird
  • In Response to Re:Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    In Response to Re:Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?: So you asked his parents to leave a portion of the reception so they can take him home? If they really wanted an evening to themselves, they could leave him at home the whole time. The poor little kid is going to wonder why everyone else gets to go to the party with cake and he has to go home. Also, unrelated, but why are your posts always in bold font?
    Posted by misshart00
     Lol, no. His parent's are planning to bring him home post ceremony/pictures. They knew we weren't having children at our wedding, and wanted the night to themselves as well. They brought this up before. Also, he is 2, and has no idea there will be cake at the wedding :P

     My font is in bold because I like it in bold. No specific reason :P

  •  I do agree, that if you have already asked them to be flower girls, that you can't uninvite them. That would definitely be horrible. Not sure if this is what you meant, or you meant you had decided on who to ask, but hadn't yet, and were on the fence about asking at all. In that case, it doesn't really matter. 

     Also, unless the parents bring it up, or want to have their kids stay at home after the ceremony, I'd just let them come! 2 kids can keep each other company, and obviously won't make it seem like the reception is being over run by children. In our case, the RB would have been by himself, and at only age 2 would have likely needed to be brought home early. His parents wanted the night out, so okay'd it with us, which being an adult friendly reception otherwise, was obviously fine with my fiance and I. 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    OP - my niece and nephews were the only children at my reception that started at 7 pm.  Their ages were 9, 5, and almost 2.  Kids can take one late night out for a fun party, once in a while.  My brother, who had the 2 & 5 year old stayed till after 11.  My sister stayed with her 9 year old daughter until the end of the reception at midnight.

    Let the parents decide if they want the children to attend.  Initially my brother said he may leave the 2 year old with the other grandparents.  But I asked that the younger one be available for family pictures after, so they just decided to keep him for the reception as well.
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    If the parents ask if they can take their kids home, that's completely fine. It's when the bride or groom asks the parents to take them home that it becomes a problem. Everyone invited to the ceremony, regardless of age, should be invited to the reception. It's one event, not two separate ones.
    Blue_Bird
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
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    My goddaughter was my flower girl (7 yo).  She was the belle of the ball.  I think she danced with more of my guests than I did.

    She had a blast and as soon as her parents (her mom was one of my BMs) realized she was starting to hit the wall, they said time for us to go.  She was asleep on her dad's shoulder before they even got to the car.

    She was the only person under 16 at our wedding; I got no word that anyone had a problem with that.  We wanted a (more or less) adult reception as well, but both accepted that our FG would be the only one.

    Do not decide for parents what is best for their children.

     

    Blue_Bird
  • In Response to Re: Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    The wedding starts at 6:30pm and will go to midnight.  It is not a very kid friendly time in my opinion .
    Posted by KAK2014
    While your heart is in the right place, this isn't for you to decide. It's up to the parents what is an acceptable bed time for their children and what is and isn't an appropriate place for them. If you've invited them to be flowergirls, then you've invited them to the ceremony and then the reception as a thank you.  If the parents choose not to have their children with them at the reception then it is totally their choice, but it isn't your place to suggest it.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    Blue_Bird
  • I am having an adults only reception as well...but we have a 9 yr old FG and 4 yr old RB. I didnt bring it up with their parents at all and extended an invite to the reception for both. The FG will be attending and the parents of the RB made other arrangements for the RB to be babysat during the reception. Its really up to the parents, but yeah...definitely rude to not invite the children taking part in the ceremony to the reception. Something I was unsure about myself until I started lurking here to be honest!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    In Response to Re:Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    In Response to Re:Flower girls at ceremony but not reception? :   Lol, no. His parent's are planning to bring him home post ceremony/pictures. They knew we weren't having children at our wedding, and wanted the night to themselves as well. They brought this up before. Also, he is 2, and has no idea there will be cake at the wedding :P  My font is in bold because I like it in bold. No specific reason :P
    Posted by JMalettas
    Well, your bolded font is really annoying.



  • In Response to Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    My finace has 2 nieces who will be 6 and 2 by the time our wedding comes around.  Our ceremony and reception are taking place at the same venue.  Our ceremony and reception is kid free except for the flower girls.  Is it OK to invite the flower girls to take part in the ceremony but have them leave before the reception starts?
    Posted by KAK2014
    nope, not acceptable. Quite rude, actually
    Blue_Bird
  • edited April 2013
    Hi! So, here's how I'm handling a somewhat similar situation;

    We started out by asking our friends if they would want their children at the reception. EVERY SINGLE PERSON said they would LOVE to have an adult night to themselves. I was actually taken aback by how strong the reactions were! So, in our invites we'll include something silly like;

    To make sure you enjoy our special day
    leave the little ones home to play
    so you can dance the night away!

    I know . . . It's lame! I read it somewhere, but want to refine it a bit. Anyway, we are having my 10 year old nephew, 8 year old niece + my FI's 3.5 year old twin nephews and 1.5 year old niece in the wedding. With all of our siblings and their kids in the wedding, they will all be at the reception. We are both from very tight knit families, so we could never have our nieces and nephews gone. I see how it could be a bit of a double standard when we asked other parents to leave the kids at home . . . but I see it as, they are our family, and that's good enough for me. And we're affording the rest of our friends an adult night out! While it would be nice to have our siblings all to ourselves, free to party (!) we really want the kids there. If I were you, I would have your FI ask his sibling if their daughters will be bored or lonely as the only children there. I remember this one wedding where my sisters and I were the only kids there, feeling so bored and just wanting to go home. The night dragged on and on. Just ask the parents, then you leave it up to the them and you don't have to worry about it. Don't worry about it!
  • straight up nasty behavior.

    Children are not toys, dolls, or props.  You can't use her for your photos, then kick her to the curb like she's some kind of lamo bum cramping your style.

    It's stuff like this that makes me happy kids don't necessarily catch on to adult misbehavior, otherwise this kid would seriously wonder wth she did to be treated like an animal or object.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • In Response to Re: Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    Hi! So, here's how I'm handling a somewhat similar situation; We started out by asking our friends if they would want their children at the reception. EVERY SINGLE PERSON said they would LOVE to have an adult night to themselves. I was actually taken aback by how strong the reactions were! So, in our invites we'll include something silly like; To make sure you enjoy our special day leave the little ones home to play so you can dance the night away! I know . . . It's lame! I read it somewhere, but want to refine it a bit. Anyway, we are having my 10 year old nephew, 8 year old niece + my FI's 3.5 year old twin nephews and 1.5 year old niece in the wedding. With all of our siblings and their kids in the wedding, they will all be at the reception. We are both from very tight knit families, so we could never have our nieces and nephews gone. I see how it could be a bit of a double standard when we asked other parents to leave the kids at home . . . but I see it as, they are our family, and that's good enough for me. And we're affording the rest of our friends an adult night out! While it would be nice to have our siblings all to ourselves, free to party (!) we really want the kids there. If I were you, I would have your FI ask his sibling if their daughters will be bored or lonely as the only children there. I remember this one wedding where my sisters and I were the only kids there, feeling so board and just wanting to go home. The night dragged on and on. Just ask the parents, then you leave it up to the them and you don't have to worry about it. Don't worry about it!
    Posted by VineyardBride105
    Silly poems don't make it any less rude to state "no children allowed." Just address your invites properly instead.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
    Blue_Bird
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    In Response to Re: Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    Hi! So, here's how I'm handling a somewhat similar situation; We started out by asking our friends if they would want their children at the reception. EVERY SINGLE PERSON said they would LOVE to have an adult night to themselves. I was actually taken aback by how strong the reactions were! So, in our invites we'll include something silly like; To make sure you enjoy our special day leave the little ones home to play so you can dance the night away! I know . . . It's lame! I read it somewhere, but want to refine it a bit. Anyway, we are having my 10 year old nephew, 8 year old niece + my FI's 3.5 year old twin nephews and 1.5 year old niece in the wedding. With all of our siblings and their kids in the wedding, they will all be at the reception. We are both from very tight knit families, so we could never have our nieces and nephews gone. I see how it could be a bit of a double standard when we asked other parents to leave the kids at home . . . but I see it as, they are our family, and that's good enough for me. And we're affording the rest of our friends an adult night out! While it would be nice to have our siblings all to ourselves, free to party (!) we really want the kids there. If I were you, I would have your FI ask his sibling if their daughters will be bored or lonely as the only children there. I remember this one wedding where my sisters and I were the only kids there, feeling so board and just wanting to go home. The night dragged on and on. Just ask the parents, then you leave it up to the them and you don't have to worry about it. Don't worry about it!
    Posted by VineyardBride105
    This is horribly rude and inappropriate.  If you don't want kids, just address the invitation to the adults you want to invite.  You should never indicate who is not invited on an invitation.



    Blue_Bird
  • Thanks for all the opinions.  I know now its all or nothing with the flower girls.  Please note we have not asked the girls or the parents yet about them being in the wedding or the reception. 
  • In Response to Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    My finace has 2 nieces who will be 6 and 2 by the time our wedding comes around.  Our ceremony and reception are taking place at the same venue.  Our ceremony and reception is kid free except for the flower girls.  Is it OK to invite the flower girls to take part in the ceremony but have them leave before the reception starts?
    Posted by KAK2014
    If the parents had spoken to you about it before then yes. But as someone else said it seems like you just needed to use them to drop some flowers and go on about their business. I would tread very carefully if you decide to bring it to the parents as well.
  • Haha, I know, I admitted it's lame!! I wasn't sure how to go about making it public knowledge that it's an adult event. It sounds like if the invite is only address to Mr + Mrs. So-and-so they won't bring the kiddies. Thanks for the heads up!

    OP, it sounds like if you haven't asked them to be in the wedding you might just avoid it all together if it's not an option to have the girls there. If you do decide to still have them, leave it up to their parents. They might enjoy a babysitter night out. Good luck with the planning!
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    In Response to Re: Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    Haha, I know, I admitted it's lame!! I wasn't sure how to go about making it public knowledge that it's an adult event. It sounds like if the invite is only address to Mr + Mrs. So-and-so they won't bring the kiddies. Thanks for the heads up! OP, it sounds like if you haven't asked them to be in the wedding you might just avoid it all together if it's not an option to have the girls there. If you do decide to still have them, leave it up to their parents. They might enjoy a babysitter night out. Good luck with the planning!
    Posted by VineyardBride105
    Tell the family big mouth that it will be adults only, it will spread like wildfire and everyone will know!  And yes, just address the invites to Mr & Mrs, no & family or The Smith Family.
  • In Response to Re:Flower girls at ceremony but not reception?:
    If the parents ask if they can take their kids home, that's completely fine. It's when the bride or groom asks the parents to take them home that it becomes a problem. Everyone invited to the ceremony, regardless of age, should be invited to the reception. It's one event, not two separate ones.
    Posted by misshart00
    Exactly this. I have 3 children in my wedding. The flower girl is 5. She will be at the reception and leave when her grandmother is ready to go. It might be after dinner, or she might dance until midnight.  (Her Dad is Best Man and will be staying until the end). My 2 nephews are 3 and 7, they will stay all night. Our whole family will be there and I'm sure the 3 year old will fall asleep on my Dad or his Dad at some point during the night. Or, they all might last until midnight...I'm leaving it up to their parents. There will also be no other kids at my wedding and people understand this.
  • Hello,

    You really have to determine that based on how you think your reception will turn out. For me I am having an evening wedding and reception different locations. There will be a total of 7 children in my wedding my 3, my fiance's 3, and my niece. I plan on allowing them to attend the first 2 hours of the reception and then I am sending them up to the hospitatily suite that has been provided to us by the reception venue. Everyone is happy no worries and then the adults can really let loose as the reception will go until mid-night or later. Hope that gives you some ideas.Wink
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