parents started brutal divorce 4 weeks before my wedding, what do I do now!

katietodd88

to clairify we are talking about my father and step mother,  they are now in the beginning stages of a very hostle divorce. If it makes a difference the betrayal was hers.  She is not attending. I also think she is going to prevent younger siblings from being able to be in the wedding, or even being able to attend. We will be married in 4 weeks.   We have received the RSVP's back from her friends ( not mutal or ones that were, who have sided with her), who are attending and unaware of their seperation. We have not heard anything from them to make us think they are not going to come.  there are a substantial number that fall into this catagory and are taking up seating and catering and costing us(FI and I are footing the bill ) a lot if they don't show and a really uncomfortable akwardness if they do. Is there a polite way to talk to them about the situation? I would ask my parents to do the dirty work but that is simply not an option. 
 any advice is welcome..

itzMS

That is terrible.

Not to downplay your situation, but most every wedding has some drama/mishaps and guests who "no-show".

Ultimately, focus on your FI and realize that, no matter what, you get to marry him!

kerbohl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_parents-started-brutal-divorce-4-weeks-before-my-wedding-what-do-i-do-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eabd46c6-738e-405a-a8a5-e629d25fa38aPost:6bf46d3f-8db7-4b65-98a4-104031ee8c7d">Re:parents started brutal divorce 4 weeks before my wedding, what do I do now!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I had a third of my guestlist no show.</strong> It happens even when there isn't some big drama or previous situation that is predictable. Hopefully, they'll let you know before the deadline for the caterer if they aren't coming, but if they don't, you just have to take the chance and assume they are coming. There is no polite way to ask them.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Wow, that really sucks!  Did they at the very least have some kind of explanation, Stage?

OP, I'm so sorry to hear about this.  It's a shame that your parents couldn't hold it together until after your wedding to cause less stress (I do know some people that would do this so this is why I ask, but is it possible that step-mom is doing this to put attention on her instead of your wedding?) 

Maybe you can pretend that some of your RSVPs went missing and you can call just to confirm with these guests?  Other than that, I don't see a polite way to ask either. 

MsYeck

I don't understand why they just cannot be separated at the reception/ceremony. I get that something bad happened o probably ause the divorce but can hey not just suck it and play nice for 1 day especially since their are half siblings involved that have presumably also spent money for things like dresses and such.

[Deleted User]

In regards to younger siblings, if she trys to keep them from attending I would try calling her directly & just go, I know there are issues between you & dad at the moment but it would mean a lot to me if they could still attend because no matter what happens between you two, they are still my siblings and I want them in my life.

In regards to her friends, I'm sure they will find out soon enough about what is going on. Hopefully they will have enough decency to call you & say due to recent events, we won't be coming after all. But be prepared that they won't. You can't really call them because if they don't know, the news isn't really yours to share with them.

In case they come because and are unware (or other guests may ask), you and your father should be prepared with how to respond with "Where is Jane?" and no matter how bad your dad's feelings are, he needs to give a nice polite response as simple as "we've recently separated" and if asked details just say "this is my daughter's special day and I would prefer not to go into it today, this is a day to be happy" . This way he will be the bigger person by not trash talking her to anyone no matter how much he might want to.

Good luck with everything!!

allychase

I'm going through something similar. My stepfather actually threatened to keep my younger siblings from attending, which... Yeah right dude, over mine and my mothers dead body. His parents actually had him call me and ask if they come will my mom cause a scene. Sorry but my mother has other things to worry about the day of her daughters wedding than my stepfathers family's drama. So I know your pain. Good luck..

katietodd88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_parents-started-brutal-divorce-4-weeks-before-my-wedding-what-do-i-do-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:eabd46c6-738e-405a-a8a5-e629d25fa38aPost:48d8fd37-3c7f-4642-be47-3092b234a2e6">Re:parents started brutal divorce 4 weeks before my wedding, what do I do now!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going through something similar. My stepfather actually threatened to keep my younger siblings from attending, which... Yeah right dude, over mine and my mothers dead body. His parents actually had him call me and ask if they come will my mom cause a scene. Sorry but my mother has other things to worry about the day of her daughters wedding than my stepfathers family's drama. So I know your pain. Good luck..
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

goodness same wedding date and situation only opposite parents, I guess they are right when they say, somewhere out there, someone is in the exact same situation as you in the exact same moment. I hope you situation is resolving, mine so far is still in a stalemate .  I will be glad to change out my bride title for wife and have this all behind us.  good luck !