Interfaith wedding; fiance's family threatening not to come!!!!

BabyEden

My fiance comes from a deeply religious Christian family. My family is interfaith. My mother is Athiest, my step-father is Catholic, my father and his family are Christian, and my mother's father and his wife are Buddhist. I am Buddhist as well. My fiance's family is telling us that if we don't have a Christian ceremony, they will not be attending!!!! I agreed to have a Christian ceremony, but asked my fiance if we could incorperate some Buddhist elements. He told me no because his family would get up and walk out of the ceremony!!! I'm so upset about this!! My family is getting over the religion difference so we can have have our dream wedding... (keep in mind my Buddhist grandfather is also the ordained minister who is marrying us) If my family is willing to suck it up for 1 day, why can't his family do the same???? Any advice on dealing with this??

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_interfaith-wedding-fiances-family-threatening-not-to-come?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:396Discussion:1cce7a3b-ae9a-42c4-8adc-36447dd13989Post:02a79f6f-8dd3-43e3-af9a-357e56fa53ee">Interfaith wedding; fiance's family threatening not to come!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance comes from a deeply religious Christian family. My family is interfaith. My mother is Athiest, my step-father is Catholic, my father and his family are Christian, and my mother's father and his wife are Buddhist. I am Buddhist as well. My fiance's family is telling us that if we don't have a Christian ceremony, they will not be attending!!!! I agreed to have a Christian ceremony, but asked my fiance if we could incorperate some Buddhist elements. <strong>He told me no because his family would get up and walk out of the ceremony!!!</strong> I'm so upset about this!! My family is getting over the religion difference so we can have have our dream wedding... (keep in mind my Buddhist grandfather is also the ordained minister who is marrying us) If my family is willing to suck it up for 1 day, why can't his family do the same???? Any advice on dealing with this??
Posted by BabyEden[/QUOTE]

<div>This is more of a problem then just the wedding.  You need to think about the role religion will play in your lives going forward.  If you can decide on that, then you will come to an agreement about the wedding.  Also, having gone through this myself, I can say that you can try honoring your families, but your ceremony should be about you, not them.</div><div>
</div><div>We decided that our religions were not important to us, but that we wanted to incorporate some elements of both as a way of honoring our heritages.  I'm Jewish and he's Hindu, so we are incorporating traditions from both religions.</div>

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_interfaith-wedding-fiances-family-threatening-not-to-come?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:396Discussion:1cce7a3b-ae9a-42c4-8adc-36447dd13989Post:f3edc06c-8565-45e9-bd2a-abb0237c39f0">Re: Interfaith wedding; fiance's family threatening not to come!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If your FI is not old enough to stand up to his parents, he has no business getting married.</strong>  Honestly, this leads me to believe you guys have not had some of the very important discussions needed before beginning an interfaith marriage.  What are HIS beliefs?  How do they differ from yours?  How will each of you practice your beliefs and incorporate them into the home?  What religion will the children be raised in and how will that work?  Will they be baptized/confirmed/etc just to please the grandparents (because if you think the wedding is a big ball of drama, just WAIT until the immortal soul of their grandkid is on the line). Bottom line is that when you are in an interfaith marriage, it is even MORE important that your spouse back you and show you support above all others, including family members and others of their own religion.  Otherwise, it will never work.  If your FI cannot do that, then you need to start figuring out what is more important to you, your religion or FI.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Most certainly.  My FI and I made decisions regarding our ceremony.  His family nearly had a heart attack about the direction we chose for our wedding and my FI was willing to stand up to them.  His father threatened to not come to the wedding to which my FI said "If you are willing to throw away our relationship over a wedding, then you don't have to come."  Guess what... FFIL is coming.  He only said that as a way to try and control us.  We called his bluff.</div><div>
</div><div>I hope you are planning a long engagement.  It sounds like you and your FI still have a lot of things to work on before you get married.  We're been engaged 20 months, and I'm glad we had all that time.  When I think of where we were 20 months ago... we were clueless, but now we are so much stronger as a couple and at least are both going into a marriage with eyes wide open concering our families and our relationship with our families. 

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lizandmark2014

Yes family and religion are important. You and your FI will be a "family" once you are married. You both need to stand up for what you want and what you believe. I would decide what aspects/ kind of ceremony you want and tell nah Sayers this is a reflection of us and the path WE will be going. We would love for you to share in this and we welcome you. If you chose otherwise, we respect YOUR decision. In this case you still care for the people, but there is a line between you running your life and being happy and someone else running it.