Ugh, Can't get over it! Help!

RickandSteph13

So, my wedding day started off terribly.  DH and I had a terrible fight(mainly because he was hangover or maybe even still drunk from his bachelor party).  The wedding was supposed to start at 1:30 and the wedding party was supposed to be there at 1.  DH had stayed in his own room the night before and was riding to the wedding with his parents.  Anyway, he didn't show up til 1:21!!  Because his mom waited til the last minute to get ready and insisted on doing her hair and make up.  The wedding ended up starting 25 minutes late and because our son was also with DH and his parents, we didn't get a single picutre of him before the wedding because there wasn't time.  By the time the wedding was over he was cranky and crying.  We may have a total of 4 pictures with him in it and he is only not crying in one.  I am so upset by this and MIL pretty much just laughs at me and says get over it. But I just can't seem to!!!  To me it seems like she was being extremely selfish and she just thinks I HAVE to deal with it because she is my MIL!  Ugh I just want to slap her!!  Am I being crazy???  Or over reacting??  I need outside points of view. Thanks

RickandSteph13

FYI, as soon as I started walking down the stairs towards my now hubby, any disagreement we had between ourselves went away and it has been great.  The problem is with MIL.

ChiGirl2013

We seemed to have a lot of bumps along the way before the wedding, and even more bumps on the day of the wedding.  We, too, were late for our own wedding but it was because the hair/makeup person (yes, one person to do both - thanks to our idiot coordinator) was an hour late.  We wanted to take first look pics, which we didn't get to do.  Our guests were just sitting around the ceremony site twiddling their thumbs for 45 minutes before I arrived.  Because of that, we were late to the reception venue so we were charged for being late.  (Again, if the makeup/hair person had been on time.....)

I, too, am struggling with how much of a fight to put up now that it's all over.  Sure, I could bash the coordinator and hair/makeup person on every online forum I could find but where would that get me?  Nowhere.  I don't even know that it would make me feel any better because it's not like it would cause time to rewind and allow me to do it all over again.  If I open a discussion with the coordinator, what good would that do?  Probably none.  He has already been paid so why should he care? 

At this point, I think you have to think about what you would be able to accomplish if you were to make a big deal out of this.  Like me, you can't go back and redo everything.  Yes, I think you can have a conversation with your DH (after you're done being mad and when you're able to be rational and mature about it) and let him know how important this was to you and how his drinking/hangover caused you to be disappointed on what should have been the happiest day of your life.  But then you need to let it go because, honestly, you can't keep throwing it in his face and it's not like he can rewind time and fix it.  As for your MIL, I think that's the message she's trying to get across to you, although she's coming off the wrong way.  By saying "get over it" she's telling you to move on, because you can't go back and redo it.  Yes, it sucks and yes, you have the right to be disappointed but at this point, what can you honestly do about it? Nothing.  Just like I can't do anything about the fact that I didn't get my first look pics and my guests had 45 minutes outside, getting eaten alive by bugs, because my hair/makeup person is a moron. 

I totally get why you're mad.  We have a 5 year old dd and we didn't get a single pic of her with just the 2 of us and I'm upset about that as well.  But I know we have so many other amazing photos that I will cherish.  And I'm hoping that my friend, who is AMAZING with Photoshop, will be able to put something together that will work for us. *HUGS* 

RickandSteph13

Thank you!  I think I just needed to hear that from someone outside the situation.  I will get over it.  It will all be fine in the long run, I'm sure.

RickandSteph13

And you're right being mad doesn't really do anything to make me feel better.  It will probably just make me feel worse in the long run.

vk2204

I am sorry for your rough start

Here is my opinion... I think that your H is a grown man and should have made his mother leave on time - or he should have left without her. I think it is unfair that you are blaming everything on your MIL.

With that being said I think it is so wrong of her to just tell you to get over it, you have a right to be upset. Just try not to dwell on it because there is nothing you can do about it now, and the more you think about it the more it will upset you. My suggestion is for you to just have a scream session or anything you need to do to let it all out (I bet writing it here helped too!) and then when it you are done that is the end of it. Don't think of your wedding as that, think of the best part of your day and make that be your first memory!

orangehills

I think some of that blame should be on your hubby too, it was very equally his fault, if not more, because he could have left or gotten himself there on time somehow. If it bothers you that much about your MIL, start by not saying anything about the wedding to her. Or ask her to apologize to you, just say MIL, it really hurt my feelings that you messed up our timeline and how you think it was no problem and I think you owe me an apology. (and if she apologizes, let it go. if she doesn't, well, you'll have to figure it out then!) If it bothers you that much, that really is the only way- and honestly, even if that may be hard, it may show her that you are a grown woman who deserves to be treated with respect, and she needs to step up her game and treat you like an adult and not like her child, which she is doing by laughing off your feelings.

Hopefully you can get past it. I had things go wrong too, and it sucked. The farther away I'm getting from it though, I'm seeing the better things about the wedding, so I think that will happen with you as well!

blondii428

Sorry to hear that things didn't go as planned!  Try to look on the brighter side of things even though I know it's tough.  You still had a beautiful wedding and married your best friend right?  And you said you have at least one decent picture with your son?  Being angry with you MIL won't really get you anywhere so you have to try as hard as possible to not let it eat you up!