Etiquette

What To Do When A Couple Doesn't Have A Registry

Hi there!

My cousin is getting married in May, and I won't be able to attend. So, I wanted to chip in with my parents for his wedding gift. I asked him about their registry, and he told me that they don't have one.

How do you proceed? Should I just ask him what he and his future wife would like, or is no registry code for 'give money', or does it mean that they don't want gifts?

I'm not really sure how to ask him without it being very awkward. I'd likely say something stupid like, "so...you don't want gifts, then?" and sound like a prick.

Re: What To Do When A Couple Doesn't Have A Registry

  • Money is always nice.
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  • When someone either doesn't create a registry, or makes a very small one, that's a subtle and polite hint that they prefer money.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • Write a check and send it with a nice card. Done.

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  • Ooooh interesting! From reading the boards, I know it's impolite to outright ask for money. I didn't know this is a tactful way of doing it. Good to know!
  • I would go with cash. FI and I do not have a big registry but we are in the middle of rebuilding after our housefire. We did not want to move a bunch of stuff.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • "When someone either doesn't create a registry, or makes a very small one, that's a subtle and polite hint that they prefer money."

    That is most excellent to learn!  Thank you!! 
  • Just ask them if there is anything in particular they had their eye on or send a check.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    Definitely money. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Personally I won't give cash.  So I would pick out something generic, but that's just me.  If you are comfortable giving cash, that is likely what they are trying to signal.

    For other brides on these boards, people like me are why we recommend a small registry.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We initially weren't going to register as a hint we preferred cash, but FI's family culture is such that they generally don't believe in giving cash, so with no registry, they tend to buy generic.  Since we have so much stuff already and didn't need ten new toasters, we did a small registry and let family spread it around that cash was more useful for us in light of our plans to save for a home and my having lived on my own for 16 years already.  So far, the registry's nearly untouched, and family are reporting that most are giving cash. 

    Let's face it:  weddings are often expensive.  Cash is never a bad idea. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to Re: What To Do When A Couple Doesn't Have A Registry:
    When someone either doesn't create a registry, or makes a very small one, that's a subtle and polite hint that they prefer money.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain
    Not necessarily.  They might not want gifts, period.
  • I'd give cash. 

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    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • In Response to Re: What To Do When A Couple Doesn't Have A Registry:
    In Response to Re: What To Do When A Couple Doesn't Have A Registry : Not necessarily.  They might not want gifts, period.
    Posted by Jen4948
    If that is actually the case, they would have circulated the information via word-of-mouth.  OP can certainly call and inquire, but the fact that she has heard nothing is usually a tipoff.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    In Response to Re: What To Do When A Couple Doesn't Have A Registry:
    In Response to Re: What To Do When A Couple Doesn't Have A Registry : If that is actually the case, they would have circulated the information via word-of-mouth.  OP can certainly call and inquire, but the fact that she has heard nothing is usually a tipoff.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain
    No, they would not necessarily have circulated the information.
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