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Assigned seating at a shower??

OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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Granted im having a pretty large shower but I did not want to have assigned seating. My mom asked me if I wanted that and I said no. Not only did she do it anyway but she split up me and my friends so my FMIL can sit with hers and I have 2 friends who know no one other than me who are now not at my table.

I know I need to just be grateful that Im even having a shower at all but Im so flipping annoyed about it. Did anyone have assigned seating and do u feel its necessary at a shower of 80 people?

Anything I can do or do I have to just have to roll with it now?
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Re: Assigned seating at a shower??

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    kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    edited April 2013
    Why does it matter? Just get up and mingle. Or tell your guests to sit wherever they please. Perhaps remind your mother that as adults, they can figure out how to find a chair and plant it.

    :)

    edit: I edited to appear nice.
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    BostonGIrl4732BostonGIrl4732 member
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    I agree, you don't need assigned seating, but if your mother is hosting, there's not too much that you can do other than tell her you'd *really* like for people to pick their own seats.  Pray she listens.

    I also have a bad feeling in general about this thread...

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    itzMSitzMS member
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    edited April 2013

    I still am amazed that there are 80 people who RSVP'ed yes to your shower (that are all also invited to the wedding?) Sheesh. Granted, there used to be a bride on here that had like a 175 person shower.

    FWIW, with that many people, I'd be happy to have an assigned seat if I were a guest versus hoping to find an empty seat.

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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:[QUOTE]Agree with KM. nbsp;Since the point is to be mingling and visiting anyway, and you are not opening gifts or playing games, why does it matter where people sit? Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    We are having games, just not bridal bingo
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    That's a huge number of guests for a shower.  I wouldn't worry about it.  People can get up and mingle if they like.
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    kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68831025-d7e2-49bc-9023-8e45062df61fPost:6b595781-3623-4d25-9cd3-d11a6f4bdf9f">Re: Assigned seating at a shower??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Agree with KM.  Since the point is to be mingling and visiting anyway, <strong>and you are not opening gifts </strong>or playing games, why does it matter where people sit?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's what I had to edit. My snark is off the friggin' charts today.</div>
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68831025-d7e2-49bc-9023-8e45062df61fPost:6b595781-3623-4d25-9cd3-d11a6f4bdf9f">Re: Assigned seating at a shower??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Agree with KM.  Since the point is to be mingling and visiting anyway, and you are not opening gifts or playing games, why does it matter where people sit?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
    This. I don't see how it would affect you at all. <div>
    </div><div>ETA: Whoa....you're going to play games with 80 people?  Good luck with that. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    misshart00misshart00 member
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    edited April 2013
    What games are you playing? Edit: I feel like I just pulled an Addie, but I really am curious.
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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Assigned seating at a shower??:Agree with KM. nbsp;Since the point is to be mingling and visiting anyway, and you are not opening gifts or playing games, why does it matter where people sit?Posted by StageManager14This. I don't see how it would affect you at all.nbsp;ETA: Whoa....you're going to play games with 80 people? nbsp;Good luck with that.nbsp; Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    Yes but I dont know what kind of games... Probably whatever will work with 80 people... Maybe trivia. I really dont know
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    That question is totally relevant, MissHart!


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:[QUOTE]Agree with KM. nbsp;Since the point is to be mingling and visiting anyway, and you are not opening gifts or playing games, why does it matter where people sit? Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE].

    It matters bc one of the girls who doesnt know anyone is shy and gets anxious around strangers. It's hard for her and I dont want her feel uncomfortable. Yes of course I plan on mingling with everyone but I dont want to have to worrry if she is having a good time or not.
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    bunni727bunni727 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68831025-d7e2-49bc-9023-8e45062df61fPost:95bde24e-73a1-484f-8059-cc46ef8bc073">Re:Assigned seating at a shower??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:. <strong> It matters bc one of the girls who doesnt know anyone is shy and gets anxious around strangers. </strong>It's hard for her and I dont want her feel uncomfortable. Yes of course I plan on mingling with everyone but I dont want to have to worrry if she is having a good time or not.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    If everyone is a stranger, won't she feel uncomfortable no matter where she sits?

    I agree that assigned seating at a shower is silly, though.

    "What's in your Purse?" has worked well at the large showers I've attended.
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    bunni727bunni727 member
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    I feel like I'm about to open a can of worms, but are you really not planning on opening gifts?
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    kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68831025-d7e2-49bc-9023-8e45062df61fPost:6b5c0c21-8146-4a4a-b85a-53ff6d55c0c1">Re: Assigned seating at a shower??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like I'm about to open a can of worms, but are you really not planning on opening gifts?
    Posted by bunni727[/QUOTE]

    <div>Seriously, you are. Just don't. </div>
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    jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    I would welcome assigned seats at a shower with 80 people.  I actually think it will make the ladies who don't know anyone more comfortable.  It's not like they can talk to only you for the whole shower, so they will need to at least chat with the people around them.  As someone who's pretty introverted, I'd rather talk to the people I am assigned to sit next to rather than approach strangers on my own.  

    My shower was probably about 20-24 people.  My hostess assigned tables (there were 3 rectangular ones): family, friends, and my mom's friends.  I liked that I didn't feel like I was offending anyone by declining to sit at their table, since I was "assigned" to sit with my friends.  
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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:[QUOTE]I feel like I'm about to open a can of worms, but are you really not planning on opening gifts? Posted by bunni727[/QUOTE]

    Would you at an 80 person shower thats 2 hours long when you're getting a bunch of material things and most of your guests have been displaced from a hurricane? I felt this was the best choice and I want the least amount of attention on me possible. Ive gotten enough flack thank you. This post was not about that.
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    daria24daria24 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68831025-d7e2-49bc-9023-8e45062df61fPost:6b5c0c21-8146-4a4a-b85a-53ff6d55c0c1">Re: Assigned seating at a shower??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like I'm about to open a can of worms, but are you really not planning on opening gifts?
    Posted by bunni727[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I hear hoofbeats.</div><div>
    </div><div>I think assigned seating is...unexpected at a shower. So I wouldn't do it. </div>
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68831025-d7e2-49bc-9023-8e45062df61fPost:6b5c0c21-8146-4a4a-b85a-53ff6d55c0c1">Re: Assigned seating at a shower??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like I'm about to open a can of worms, but are you really not planning on opening gifts?
    Posted by bunni727[/QUOTE]
    Oh, no. It's like you just said Beetlejuice!  We're not allowed to beat this horse anymore, Bunni!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    itzMSitzMS member
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    Does the original post discussing this shower exist? (link please!)

    I want to know the backstory that lead to dead horse beatings.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    MS, it was awhile ago, but I would be happy to PM you the story. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    bunni727bunni727 member
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    OP; I can't say anything about hurricane displacement, but I did open gifts at a 80+ person, 2-hour shower when I wanted as little attention on me as possible. People brought us presents, and it would have been rude  of us to not take time to open them. H and a cousin helped, and it went by fairly quickly. I still got to spend plenty of time with each guest. If I didn't think opening material things was appropriate, I would have gently suggested having a tea/luncheon/party to the host instead. If that wasn't an option, I would have declined the shower outright.

    Sorry, guys, I must have missed that particular pony funeral. *puts horsewhip away*
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    PookiesonPookieson member
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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:[QUOTE]Avoiding the present thing again, I can't resist mentioning if you weren't having such an absurdly large shower this is another thing that would not be an issue...Choices we make matter. Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

    Must we discuss this again?? My mom said she was giving me a shower. I tried to decline but mom said "too bad its already booked and ur having one" "oh ok but u realise theres 90 people I'd want to invite right? This is why I dont think I should have one" "nope ur my daughter ur having one" I LOVE my mom and her intentions are so good and shes the sweetest lady ever but sometimes theres really not a choice. Its absurd yes but it needed to be this way so i would appreciate if people did not antagonize me for having a very large family.
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68831025-d7e2-49bc-9023-8e45062df61fPost:74e0fdcf-526c-4cd1-866b-09819af17cae">Re:Assigned seating at a shower??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:<strong> Would you at an 80 person shower thats 2 hours long when you're getting a bunch of material things and most of your guests have been displaced from a hurricane?</strong> I felt this was the best choice and I want the least amount of attention on me possible. Ive gotten enough flack thank you. This post was not about that.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Why would you invite 80 people knowing most everyone's displaced?  At the very least, call it a luncheon instead of a shower.  I don't get it.  </div><div>
    </div><div>And now these displaced people are coming to your shower bringing gifts that they may have struggled to buy and you're not even going to bother opening them???  I'd be ticked off if I were them.....I'd be thinking you didn't even care enough about the gifts to open them.</div><div>
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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:[QUOTE]OP; I can't say anything about hurricane displacement, but I did open gifts at a 80 person, 2hour shower when I wanted as little attention on me as possible. People brought us presents, and it would have been rude nbsp;of us to not take time to open them. H and a cousin helped, and it went by fairly quickly. I still got to spend plenty of time with each guest. If I didn't think opening material things was appropriate, I would have gently suggested having a tea/luncheon/party to the host instead. If that wasn't an option, I would have declined the shower outright.Sorry, guys, I must have missed that particular pony funeral.nbsp;puts horsewhip away Posted by bunni727[/QUOTE].

    Bunni, declining was not an option. My mom had already booked it and wasnt canceling, but I tried to decline. It is not always an option. Believe me it would have spared everyone a lot of aggravation.
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    lisabeatslisabeats member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigned-seating-at-a-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68831025-d7e2-49bc-9023-8e45062df61fPost:1eaf0555-0b61-45cc-b61f-625e5cc9a48b">Re:Assigned seating at a shower??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??: Must we discuss this again?? My mom said she was giving me a shower. I tried to decline but mom said "too bad its already booked and ur having one" "oh ok but u realise theres 90 people I'd want to invite right? This is why I dont think I should have one" "nope ur my daughter ur having one" I LOVE my mom and her intentions are so good and shes the sweetest lady ever but sometimes theres really not a choice. Its absurd yes but it needed to be this way so i would appreciate if people did not antagonize me for having a very large family.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <div>My two cents: This has absolutely nothing to do with having a large family, and I don't recall seeing anything that could be interpreted as antagonizing you for having one. </div>
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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??: Would you at an 80 person shower thats 2 hours long when you're getting a bunch of material things and most of your guests have been displaced from a hurricane? I felt this was the best choice and I want the least amount of attention on me possible. Ive gotten enough flack thank you. This post was not about that.Posted by OwningAHome1981Why would you invite 80 people knowing most everyone's displaced? nbsp;At the very least, call it a luncheon instead of a shower. nbsp;I don't get it. nbsp;And now these displaced people are coming to your shower bringing gifts that they may have struggled to buy and you're not even going to bother opening them??? nbsp;I'd be ticked off if I were them.....I'd be thinking you didn't even care enough about the gifts to open them. Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

    My mom called it a shower and ordered the invites with registry info before telling me. Nothing I could do. I told a lot of people by word of mouth please dont give gifts.

    Again this post was about assigned seating not what my mom chose to call my shower.
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    PookiesonPookieson member
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    Well....I don't think you would need assigned seating...especially since I imagine it will be a train wreck.  Just my two cents but holy crap!  80!?  We have a guest list of 245 people and my shower is tomorrow with 30 people and I thought THAT was outrageous!  These people you *had* to invite have bee displaced by a huricane and now they have to buy you a gift (and even if you did tell everyone word of mouth....they will most likely bring gifts).  So.... wouldn't do a seating chart because in my experience people mingle at these things anyway.  I also highly doubt you couldn't condense that list down to at least 50..crazy.

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    OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:[QUOTE]Well....I don't think you would need assigned seating...especially since I imagine it will be a train wreck.nbsp; Just my two cents but holy crap!nbsp; 80!?nbsp; We have a guest list of 245 people and my shower is tomorrow with 30 people and I thought THAT was outrageous!nbsp; These people you had to invite have bee displaced by a huricane and now they have to buy you a gift and even if you did tell everyone word of mouth....they will most likely bring gifts.nbsp; So.... wouldn't do a seating chart because in my experience people mingle at these things anyway.nbsp; I also highly doubt you couldn't condense that list down to at least 50..crazy. Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]

    Shannon my FI's parents are divorced and remarried. So I am dealing with 3 families instead of 2. FI's mom has 7 sisters. FI's dad has 3 sisters. Then I have cousins, aunts, bridesmaids, my friends, my moms friends who have known me since i was a baby... No it is really not that crazy and no I couldnt condense or I would have.
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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
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    OAH, don't even start to worry about this.  Sit back on your shower day, and watch everyone get up, mingle, and run roughshod over your mother's seating plans.  Then laugh and laugh maniacally.  If anyone asks, it's wedding joy.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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