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Etiquette

Assigned seating at a shower??

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Re: Assigned seating at a shower??

  • OAH, don't even start to worry about this.  Sit back on your shower day, and watch everyone get up, mingle, and run roughshod over your mother's seating plans.  Then laugh and laugh maniacally.  If anyone asks, it's wedding joy.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??: Shannon my FI's parents are divorced and remarried. So I am dealing with 3 families instead of 2. FI's mom has 7 sisters. FI's dad has 3 sisters. Then I have cousins, aunts, bridesmaids, my friends, my moms friends who have known me since i was a baby... No it is really not that crazy and no I couldnt condense or I would have.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981
    Okay...I might feel for you, but I have the same situation.  FI's parents are divorced and remarried.  They all have sisters, daughters, neices and cousins.  I have siblings.  I have friends, they all invited friends.  If they do not come to christmas dinner, birthday parties or thankgiving, they didn't get invited.  Maybe you rent out banquet halls for xmas, but we don't.  I would still open gifts.  I'd be super annoyed if my gift wasn't opened.  It's like "thanks for bringing me a gift, but i can't be bothered to open it....hello....80 people are here."

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    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • edited April 2013
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??: Shannon my FI's parents are divorced and remarried. So I am dealing with 3 families instead of 2. FI's mom has 7 sisters. FI's dad has 3 sisters. Then I have cousins, aunts, bridesmaids, my friends, my moms friends who have known me since i was a baby... No it is really not that crazy and no I couldnt condense or I would have.Posted by OwningAHome1981Okay...I might feel for you, but I have the same situation.nbsp; FI's parents are divorced and remarried.nbsp; They all have sisters, daughters, neices and cousins.nbsp; I have siblings.nbsp; I have friends, they all invited friends.nbsp; If they do not come to christmas dinner, birthday parties or thankgiving, they didn't get invited.nbsp; Maybe you rent out banquet halls for xmas, but we don't.nbsp; I would still open gifts.nbsp; I'd be super annoyed if my gift wasn't opened.nbsp; It's like "thanks for bringing me a gift, but i can't be bothered to open it....hello....80 people are here." Posted by Shannon1401 Im well aware it is not perceived well here. That wasnt the point of the post though. For the record there are many many favourable reviews on the internet about this type of shower. While many ladies here think it goes against etiquette about as many on other sites think it does not. This is how MY shower is being done and if anyone has a problem please start a seperate thread about it.
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  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??: My mom called it a shower and ordered the invites with registry info before telling me. Nothing I could do. I told a lot of people by word of mouth please dont give gifts. Again this post was about assigned seating not what my mom chose to call my shower.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981

    Ok, well since there was absolutely nothing you could do about it, how about you at least open the gifts everyone so kindly is bringing you?  As I said in my initial post, these dispaced people are coming to your shower bringing gifts that they may have struggled to buy and you're not even going to bother opening them?  If I were a guest, I'd think our gifts didn't matter to you and I'd be awfully upset, especially if I'm going through my own tough times with money.  

    Don't you get it?  It's a slap in their face to NOT open the gifts!

  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower?? : Ok, well since there was absolutely nothing you could do about it, how about you at least open the gifts everyone so kindly is bringing you?  As I said in my initial post, these dispaced people are coming to your shower bringing gifts that they may have struggled to buy and you're not even going to bother opening them?  If I were a guest, I'd think our gifts didn't matter to you and I'd be awfully upset, especially if I'm going through my own tough times with money.   Don't you get it?  It's a slap in their face to NOT open the gifts!
    Posted by JoanE2012
    She thinks it's rude to open them in front of people who were displaced.
  • I have never been to a shower with assigned seating regardless of size. (I was at a shower of 100 (no games), and there were just a bunch of tables.) I'm not sure why your mom would want to take on more work--organizing a party of that size is enough work in my mind! When I think of showers, I think of more of a mix and mingle,so if you can rework her energies, that would be my vote.
  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower?? : Why would you invite 80 people knowing most everyone's displaced?  At the very least, call it a luncheon instead of a shower.  I don't get it.   And now these displaced people are coming to your shower bringing gifts that they may have struggled to buy and you're not even going to bother opening them???  I'd be ticked off if I were them.....I'd be thinking you didn't even care enough about the gifts to open them.
    Posted by JoanE2012
    THIS
  • If you're not comfortable sitting at the same table, why would they even be invited to your shower. This sounds like an absolute trainwreck.

  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    Well, that's new. Previously, the size of the guestlist was all your mom and you had tried to have a smaller shower but she insisted on 90 people. Interesting. Posted by StageManager14
    I'm not the only one confused here... I'm on my phone, so it's hard to click around fast and easy to find the link, but I know I'm remembering correctly that your mom insisted on 80 people at a 2 hour party. You said there was no time to open gifts. Now there is a displacement issue. The excuses are not only racking up, but they're evolving. You could have turned down the shower just by removing yourself from the guestlist.
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  • With such a large group, I think assigned tables would be okay, but they should be able to select their seat at the table. 

    Assigned tables would be advantageous so if your friend arrives late after work, she is not stuck at the only seat left over, which happens to be with a close-knit group of FI's family who she's never met. There were assigned seats at the last 2 showers I attended, and I appreciated it because it meant my table was full of friends.
  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower?? : Ok, well since there was absolutely nothing you could do about it, how about you at least open the gifts everyone so kindly is bringing you? nbsp;As I said in my initial post, these dispaced people are coming to your shower bringing gifts that they may have struggled to buy and you're not even going to bother opening them? nbsp;If I were a guest, I'd think our gifts didn't matter to you and I'd be awfully upset, especially if I'm going through my own tough times with money. nbsp; Don't you get it? nbsp;It's a slap in their face to NOT open the gifts!Posted by JoanE2012 She thinks it's rude to open them in front of people who were displaced. Posted by misshart00 Then it's rude to have the shower to begin with. Posted by Sleeper2013
    Yes i agree which is why I didnt want one. I was getting one regardless so it doesnt matter what I want.
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  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower?? : Ok, well since there was absolutely nothing you could do about it, how about you at least open the gifts everyone so kindly is bringing you? nbsp;As I said in my initial post, these dispaced people are coming to your shower bringing gifts that they may have struggled to buy and you're not even going to bother opening them? nbsp;If I were a guest, I'd think our gifts didn't matter to you and I'd be awfully upset, especially if I'm going through my own tough times with money. nbsp; Don't you get it? nbsp;It's a slap in their face to NOT open the gifts!Posted by JoanE2012 She thinks it's rude to open them in front of people who were displaced. Posted by misshart00 Then it's rude to have the shower to begin with. Posted by Sleeper2013 Yes i agree which is why I didnt want one. I was getting one regardless so it doesnt matter what I want. Posted by OwningAHome1981
    Unless your mother was forcing you at gun point to be there, it's a choice. Own it.
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  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:. It matters bc one of the girls who doesnt know anyone is shy and gets anxious around strangers. It's hard for her and I dont want her feel uncomfortable. Yes of course I plan on mingling with everyone but I dont want to have to worrry if she is having a good time or not.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981
    Is it possible that at the beginning of the shower you could go to this table and maybe introduce her to some of the people and get a conversation going? Even if she's at the same table as you, you will be so busy trying to visit with all of your guests that you aren't going to be able to be with her very much.
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  • My main issue with Owning is that you have never, ever once taken responsiblity in the whole thing.

     
    It's ridiculous as an adult to say you were forced into this shower in the first place; then had no control over the guest list or the length and on top of everything are refusing to open presents that people who are still struggling bought you.

    You are one of those people who is a victim of all circumstances and don't own your bad choices.

    And seriously - lots of us have huge families. Stop using it as an excuse. Both my parents have 9 brothers and sisters. And I can't even count the cousins.  It doesn't mean every one of them was invited to my shower.
  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??: Unless your mother was forcing you at gun point to be there, it's a choice. Own it.
    Posted by Simply Fated
    It wasn't a choice. I mean yeah I could not show up but my guests will all be there so I really have no choice.

    She booked it at the restaurant and already paid. Was I supposed to call the restaurant and cancel it?
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  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower?? : Did your mom steal your phone, hack your email or break into your house for your address book?   If not, how did she get the names and contact information for your friends and your FI's family?  I'm guessing through you.  So, YOU are how the shower got to be so large and unmanageable.  If she was so insistent that you absolutely had to have a shower, you should have kept it to her side of your family and her friends.
    Posted by Sleeper2013
    She had the master list from the wedding and just picked the people she thought I'd want to invite.
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  • In Response to Re: Assigned seating at a shower??:
    With such a large group, I think assigned tables would be okay, but they should be able to select their seat at the table.  Assigned tables would be advantageous so if your friend arrives late after work, she is not stuck at the only seat left over, which happens to be with a close-knit group of FI's family who she's never met. There were assigned seats at the last 2 showers I attended, and I appreciated it because it meant my table was full of friends.
    Posted by AndreaJulia
    I agree with you except that the assigned tables my mom originally assigned did not have all my friends with me. She gave the big table to my FMIL and not me which meant my friends were scattered around the room.
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  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower?? : Ok, well since there was absolutely nothing you could do about it, how about you at least open the gifts everyone so kindly is bringing you?  As I said in my initial post, these dispaced people are coming to your shower bringing gifts that they may have struggled to buy and you're not even going to bother opening them?  If I were a guest, I'd think our gifts didn't matter to you and I'd be awfully upset, especially if I'm going through my own tough times with money.   Don't you get it?  It's a slap in their face to NOT open the gifts!
    Posted by JoanE2012
    To your guests maybe. Most of the guests who RSVP'd to my mom said it was a great idea b/c people matter more than gifts and they wanted to spend their time hanging out with people not watching someone open gifts. PERSONAL CHOICE. Most of guests don't think it is a slap in the face
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  • I just want to point out that we invited 90 people to my shower, about 60 came, and I opened the shiiiiiit out of every single present (more than 60 because some people got me two separate ones with separate cards--a "naughty" one and a "shower" gift).

    We were out of there in 2 hours.

    An extra few presents would NOT take you that long. I've been to showers that have over 100 guests, and they open the presents. And it does NOT take long. There is an assembly line, and you say thank you and people enjoy it. 

    Stop using time and size as an excuse. I'm sick of it.

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    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    278 Invited image 168 Attending image 63 Declined image 47 Still Thinking image

    RSVP Date: May 18th

  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower?? : To your guests maybe. Most of the guests who RSVP'd to my mom said it was a great idea b/c people matter more than gifts and they wanted to spend their time hanging out with people not watching someone open gifts. PERSONAL CHOICE. Most of guests don't think it is a slap in the face
    Posted by OwningAHome1981

    No. They just won't tell you to your face that you're being rude. Most people don't do that. They try to pretend it's a great idea. Like the people who tell me to do a honeymoon registry or honeymoon jar at my wedding because it's "easy money." I don't say "that's rude." I just say "I'll think about it, that's an idea."

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    278 Invited image 168 Attending image 63 Declined image 47 Still Thinking image

    RSVP Date: May 18th

  • In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower??:
    In Response to Re:Assigned seating at a shower?? : To your guests maybe. Most of the guests who RSVP'd to my mom said it was a great idea b/c people matter more than gifts and they wanted to spend their time hanging out with people not watching someone open gifts. PERSONAL CHOICE. Most of guests don't think it is a slap in the face
    Posted by OwningAHome1981
    Why are people talking about gifts in the RSVP? How do they know you aren't opening gifts?
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