faux pas?

itzweirdbebe

I am newly engaged but have been "wedding planning" for years. My sister got engaged and married before me and she fell in love with the same dream wedding location as I did. I have searched and searched for a different place but nothing even remotely comes close to the place she got married at. Is it completely tacky to get married at the same place as my sister? I feel like this would be a giant faux pas.

Please any insight would be helpful! I just can't see myself getting married anywhere else, but I also don't want my sister and family/guests thinking I'm copying her or I'm being really tacky. Thoughts please

misshart00

Not tacky at all. People get married at the same venues all the time.

Kate61487

it's not tacky.  Hundreds of other couples have undoubtedly been married there in the last several years.  If you want to avoid family drama it wouldn't hurt to clear it with your sister first, but honestly that opens you to the possibilty that she'll say she'd rather you not use it and then what do you do?

My brother, my uncle and I all got married at the same place.  Granted its our home church, but still.  There are only so many venues in a given geographic area, at some point someone is going to repeat.  I doubt many outside your immediate family will even remember it's the same place, or give it a second thought.

itzweirdbebe

It will have been 5 years since she was married there. I guess I shouldn't care or worry about what my extended family thinks but my sister is slightly crazy. She won't talk to my cousin anymore because my cousin used my neice's middle name as her kid's first name. My sister has completely written that family off because of it. Which is ridiculous because she doesn't own a name. So I have a feeling if I did clear the venue with my sister that she would probably make me feel bad about the decision and try to get me to change it. *sigh* I hate family drama

Thanks for your advice

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be4dd4f5-d332-4002-b2f0-b57ef4d06f1bPost:abf0aab2-e8c5-4d5b-8ee9-dabd04ba5197">Re: faux pas?</a>:
[QUOTE]It will have been 5 years since she was married there. I guess I shouldn't care or worry about what my extended family thinks but my sister is slightly crazy. <strong>She won't talk to my cousin anymore because my cousin used my neice's middle name as her kid's first name</strong>. My sister has completely written that family off because of it. Which is ridiculous because she doesn't own a name. So I have a feeling if I did clear the venue with my sister that she would probably make me feel bad about the decision and try to get me to change it. *sigh* I hate family drama Thanks for your advice
Posted by itzweirdbebe[/QUOTE]

yikes  :-/  I'm not a fan of repeating names in a family, but two of H's cousins have a Sophie and a Sofia and everyone still speaks.  You know your sister best - would it be better to tell her early and make it seem like you're asking permission?  Or let the invitation 8 weeks before the wedding break the news to her?  It really <u>shouldn't</u> be a big deal; I hope for your sake she recognizes that...

MoonlightSilver

There's nothing wrong with it etiquette wise, but only you know your sister and your family well enough to know how this would go over with them. 

Loopyseven

Yeesh.  Sounds like this is a family dynamics issue, not an etiquette one.  You might be better off to run it by her first.  I'd probably spend some time gushing about her venue, the food, the layout, the service, blah blah blah... then move into, I've been looking at venues.  They're all awful, lacking this, lacking that, blah blah blah... The more you look the more you realize you just love the venue she used... really lay it on thick.  Maybe that will soothe her ego for "finding it first" and let her play like she's helping you out by allowing you to use her venue, instead of feeling stepped on.  Although, if she still says no, then you've got to decide if you want to book it anyway, or let your relationship with her dictate where you get married.  

At the end of the day you'll be married which is the goal.  And another venue would probably still be able to be very lovely if you have to go down that road.

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be4dd4f5-d332-4002-b2f0-b57ef4d06f1bPost:8d09bb47-d937-4bd2-b49a-0379dcb53d12">Re: faux pas?</a>:
[QUOTE]There's nothing wrong with it etiquette wise, but only you know your sister and your family well enough to know how this would go over with them. 
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  Only you can decide if it is worth potentially major drama with your sister.</div>

smalfrie19

I dont think its a faux pas. I am actually using the same venue my parents (mom and step dad) used 10 years ago this july! 

hgminor

It's not a faux pas, and the great thing about weddings is that a plan for decor can make the same space look completely different.  However, I know family stuff is always stressful, so I would probably communicate with her first.  But it isn't like you are going to wear her same dress and use all her ceremony music or anything

AddieCake

I think if she stopped speaking to your cousin over a middle name, (seriously?) she is likely to not be very happy about you using the venue she used. 

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_faux-pas-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be4dd4f5-d332-4002-b2f0-b57ef4d06f1bPost:58b97e01-0d1e-4bfc-91ac-703277bd95c1">Re: faux pas?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if she stopped speaking to your cousin over a middle name, (seriously?) she is likely to not be very happy about you using the venue she used. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Unfortunately, I have to agree, though that's completely ridiculous. I'd be willing to bet the cousin didn't even know or remember that it was the other kid's middle name. I certainly don't recall most of the middle names of anyone in my family. I know my parent's MNs and my two first cousin's, but most of the others I draw a blank on.</div><div>
</div><div>And even if she did know, unless your sister calls her child by the MN, there's no reason to get upset since generally MNs are so rarely used.</div>

nikole712

I would run it by her first. It may not be worth the family drama. I don't know where you live but here in Northern New Jersey there are a ton of really nice places in all different budgets to have a wedding. I'd rather just keep the peace and have my wedding somewhere else if I knew my sister would give me a hard time about it.

Jen4948

It's not tacky, especially if other elements will be different, like color schemes, menu items, etc.

Benny618

My parents held both mine and my brothers bar/bat mitzvahs at the same venue 2 years apart. Many guests overlapped so she just made a mental note to make sure they sat on the other side of the room at the second one if it even mattered. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

itzweirdbebe

Thank you everyone for your input and support! It was very encouraging. I think I'll probably "ask" her but if she shows displeasure I will just tell her all the reasons why I want to have it there and hopw she understands. It really comes down to the price and the beauty of it. I've still been looking for other places but nothing compares.

tinambride

I agree it's not tacky. If it upsets your sister then that could make for a difficult wedding situation. Definitely talk to her about it in advance and maybe have some ideas ready on how you can make your wedding different than hers. Can you plan it for a different time of year? Change the colors, use a totally different style. That might help her feel more comfortable.

And maybe she'll be flattered that you enjoyed her wedding so much you're using the same venue.

GL

TheBaysideBride

talk to her, for sure.

My future SIL is marrying my brother at the same place all three of her sisters got married. FOr them, it's special to all share the same location. Maybe your sister will see it that way?

Peledreamsofrain

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