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Rehearsal Dinner! Help!

sophiax3sophiax3
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in Pre-wedding Parties
My husband and I are already married, but he's in the Air Force so we did a courthouse wedding in September and we're having our big family wedding on May 25th. His parents are now backing out of paying for the rehearsal dinner, even though that's their only task (luckily, I haven't sent out invites yet, I was getting to them this week!) I don't know how to word it exactly on the invitations that guests will have to pay for themselves? I'm LIVID that they're backing out of this because they did the exact same thing for my bridal shower. I'm afraid if I try to word it myself, it's going to come off as rude and bitchy. How would you word it? TIA for all the help, ladies! 
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Re: Rehearsal Dinner! Help!

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    In Response to Rehearsal Dinner! Help!:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I are already married, but he's in the Air Force so we did a courthouse wedding in September and we're having our big family wedding on May 25th. His parents are now backing out of paying for the rehearsal dinner, even though that's their only task (luckily, I haven't sent out invites yet, I was getting to them this week!) I don't know how to word it exactly on the invitations that guests will have to pay for themselves? I'm LIVID that they're backing out of this because they did the exact same thing for my bridal shower. I'm afraid if I try to word it myself, it's going to come off as rude and bitchy. How would you word it? TIA for all the help, ladies! 
    Posted by sophiax3[/QUOTE]

    Interesting that you posed this question on the prewedding parties board when you are already married. If your guests have to pay for themselves, then you can't possibly be "inviting" them.
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  • bunni727bunni727 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to Rehearsal Dinner! Help!:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I are already married, but he's in the Air Force so we did a courthouse wedding in September and we're having our big family wedding on May 25th. His parents are now backing out of paying for the rehearsal dinner, even though that's their only task (luckily, I haven't sent out invites yet, I was getting to them this week!) I don't know how to word it exactly on the invitations that guests will have to pay for themselves? I'm LIVID that they're backing out of this because they did the exact same thing for my bridal shower. I'm afraid if I try to word it myself, it's going to come off as rude and bitchy. How would you word it? TIA for all the help, ladies! 
    Posted by sophiax3[/QUOTE]

    Can you just not have a rehearsal, since there's no need for a ceremony? If you don't have a rehearsal, you don't need a rehearsal dinner.

    Please rethink having a fake ceremony if you are planning one. A party to celebrate your marriage with friends and family would be great, but having a redo wedding is in poor taste.

    As for your actual question: Guests should never have to pay for themselves. RDs are hosted events to thank them for participating in the rehearsal. Pizza or Pasta is usually the cheapest way to do this on a budget. There's no polite way to word it, because there's no polite way to do it. Host them properly, or don't have a rehearsal.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    A rehearsal dinner is a thank you to the wedding party for attending the rehearsal. It's rude to ask them to pay for their own dinners. 

    Your in-laws might feel that it's not appropriate to have a shower/rehearsal/ceremony because you're already married. And they're right. Even if this was going to be a traditional wedding and reception, your in-laws aren't obligated to host and pay for a rehearsal dinner or anything else related to your wedding. 






                       
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  • sophiax3sophiax3
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    I was simply asking for help- not for a rude response, which is what I got from every single one of you. None of our family was present at our wedding because it was 1,000 miles away thanks to the military. My father wants the opportunity to walk me down the aisle, so that's what he's going to get. That's the point for the ceremony, and if that's in poor taste, then so be it LaughingHis parents are very supportive of the idea of doing it all over because they want to witness their youngest saying his vows. If you knew the entire backstory, you'd know they're just lazy and don't want to help out. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    They don't have to help out with a fake wedding. It sounds like just a waste of money to be honest. You can have a party but don't parade around like a bride, you're a wife. Your wedding day has come and gone. It's time to let it go and move on.
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    No one was rude to you, they are simply speaking the truth.  Hopefully your guests at least know you are already married.  As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, it is not their responsibility to pay for it-- you and your husband need to pay for it.  If they were to offer then that is nice, but if not, it is on you, not your guests. 

    As PPs have mentioned, if you are having a simple ceremony you can skip the rehearsal all together and just fill people in before the ceremony day-of.  Or if you must have a rehearsal, then you and husband can host a rehearsal dinner.  It does not have to be fancy.  Host what you can afford--Pizza is a common favorite and is affordable. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    I wouldn't word it at all b/c it is not polite to ask people to pay for a dinner someone is supposed to be hosting for them. We just went to Pizza Hut for ours. Simple, inexpensive, and a great time.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner! Help!:
    [QUOTE]I was simply asking for help- not for a rude response, which is what I got from every single one of you. None of our family was present at our wedding because it was 1,000 miles away thanks to the military. My father wants the opportunity to walk me down the aisle, so that's what he's going to get. That's the point for the ceremony, and if that's in poor taste, then so be it  His parents are very supportive of the idea of doing it all over because they want to witness their youngest saying his vows. If you knew the entire backstory, you'd know they're just lazy and don't want to help out. 
    Posted by sophiax3[/QUOTE]


                       
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner! Help!:
    [QUOTE]I was simply asking for help- not for a rude response, which is what I got from every single one of you. None of our family was present at our wedding because it was 1,000 miles away thanks to the military. My father wants the opportunity to walk me down the aisle, so that's what he's going to get. That's the point for the ceremony, and if that's in poor taste, then so be it  His parents are very supportive of the idea of doing it all over because they want to witness their youngest saying his vows. If you knew the entire backstory, you'd know they're just lazy and don't want to help out. 
    Posted by sophiax3[/QUOTE]
    Look up the word 'rude' in the dictionary, because your understanding is faulty.



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  • antibride2013antibride2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner! Help!:
    [QUOTE]I was simply asking for help- not for a rude response, which is what I got from every single one of you. None of our family was present at our wedding because it was 1,000 miles away thanks to the military. My father wants the opportunity to walk me down the aisle, so that's what he's going to get. That's the point for the ceremony, and if that's in poor taste, then so be it  His parents are very supportive of the idea of doing it all over because they want to witness their youngest saying his vows. If you knew the entire backstory, you'd know they're just lazy and don't want to help out. 
    Posted by sophiax3[/QUOTE]

    Your situation is NOT unique OP.  I wouldn't pay a dime either for your fake PPD redo. 
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  • bunni727bunni727 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner! Help!:
    [QUOTE]I was simply asking for help- not for a rude response, which is what I got from every single one of you. None of our family was present at our wedding because it was 1,000 miles away thanks to the military. My father wants the opportunity to walk me down the aisle, so that's what he's going to get. That's the point for the ceremony, and if that's in poor taste, then so be it  His parents are very supportive of the idea of doing it all over because they want to witness their youngest saying his vows. If you knew the entire backstory, you'd know they're just lazy and don't want to help out. 
    Posted by sophiax3[/QUOTE]

    Well shoot, I thought it was to get married or something silly like that. 

    Warning you that your plans were rude doesn't make our responses rude. I took a bit of time crafting an objective and helpful response.  No one is obligated to throw any parties for you. You can't invite people to dinner and not host them. You are already married, the ceremony you are staging is no different than a reenactment, and I hope you aren't lying to any guests. Please consider what has been said here. We'd be glad to help you plan an appropriate celebration of your marraige, but that doesn't include a ceremony.
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  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    I'm going to try and ignore the fact that you're having a PPD.  Everyone else has covered that topic enough. I just hope all you guests know that this is a vow renewal.

    So, you're mainly frustrated because they offered to pay and took it back, correct?  Things like that annoy me as well.  But you took their word, and now you're stuck in this jam.  That ship has sailed though, so I'm not going to spend time telling you what you should or shouldn't have done.  All you can do is move forward.

    RD's don't have to be anything fancy, but if you have one, you do need to pay for it.  We're planning on having a cookout.  But when we get closer and decide we need to spend less money on it, we're having pizza.  It doesn't have to be anything fancy like what you see in the movies, you just have to host them somehow.  Also, if you're looking to save money, don't have invites for the RD.  They're not necessary.  Word of mouth will do just fine, and a lot of people do it that way.

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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Rehearsal Dinner! Help!:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I are already married, but he's in the Air Force so we did a courthouse wedding in September and we're having our big family wedding on May 25th. His parents are now backing out of paying for the rehearsal dinner, even though that's their only task (luckily, I haven't sent out invites yet, I was getting to them this week!) I don't know how to word it exactly on the invitations that guests will have to pay for themselves? I'm LIVID that they're backing out of this because they did the exact same thing for my bridal shower. I'm afraid if I try to word it myself, it's going to come off as rude and bitchy. How would you word it? TIA for all the help, ladies! 
    Posted by sophiax3[/QUOTE]

    Host the rehearsal dinnerat home. You can't ask guests to pay for it, period. Sorry.
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  • stampadhesivestampadhesive member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    You should have worded your ceremony as a vowel renewal.  As such, a rehersal dinner isn't necessary at all.  Also, I wouldn't expect gifts.
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  • leesh16leesh16
    First Anniversary First Comment
    JordanF13 said:
    They don't have to help out with a fake wedding. It sounds like just a waste of money to be honest. You can have a party but don't parade around like a bride, you're a wife. Your wedding day has come and gone. It's time to let it go and move on.

    Omg did you just call someone's wedding fake. Wow. In this day and age w insurance needs and marriage inequality the "legality" of marriage is a detail. Standing in front of your loved ones and stating your commitment to each other is the important part. People have parties to renew their vows all the time. You do you girl .... And don't let some snarky ladies get you down
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    leesh16 said:
    JordanF13 said:
    They don't have to help out with a fake wedding. It sounds like just a waste of money to be honest. You can have a party but don't parade around like a bride, you're a wife. Your wedding day has come and gone. It's time to let it go and move on.

    Omg did you just call someone's wedding fake. Wow. In this day and age w insurance needs and marriage inequality the "legality" of marriage is a detail. Standing in front of your loved ones and stating your commitment to each other is the important part. People have parties to renew their vows all the time. You do you girl .... And don't let some snarky ladies get you down
    Tell that to the gay people in the dozens of states in which gay marriage is illegal. 

    Vow renewals =/= weddings.



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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    leesh16 said:
    JordanF13 said:
    They don't have to help out with a fake wedding. It sounds like just a waste of money to be honest. You can have a party but don't parade around like a bride, you're a wife. Your wedding day has come and gone. It's time to let it go and move on.

    Omg did you just call someone's wedding fake. Wow. In this day and age w insurance needs and marriage inequality the "legality" of marriage is a detail. Standing in front of your loved ones and stating your commitment to each other is the important part. People have parties to renew their vows all the time. You do you girl .... And don't let some snarky ladies get you down
    I can't believe you just compared gay marriage to insurance needs. When someone marries into the military for benefits, it's because they are assholes that want the benefits that I pay for as a tax payer.

    Your in-laws (yes, that's what they are, because you're married, remember?) aren't paying so your guests are? That's the stupidest excuse for logic I've seen in awhile. You think your husband's parents are lazy? I can't imagine what they think of you.

     I'm guessing your in-laws got to know you a little better and decided not to pay for a sham PPD.



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  • teenabeena87teenabeena87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Talk about a left turn lol. Back to the original topic, I've been in a wedding before where they had brunch preceding the actual rehearsal and we had to pay for ourselves (like $7) and no one bitched and complained. I dont see what the big deal is if its under $10. Any more and you might have some pissed off people...but really whats 10 bucks. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    teenabeena87 said:
    Talk about a left turn lol. Back to the original topic, I've been in a wedding before where they had brunch preceding the actual rehearsal and we had to pay for ourselves (like $7) and no one bitched and complained. I dont see what the big deal is if its under $10. Any more and you might have some pissed off people...but really whats 10 bucks. 
    I'm facing the loss of my job...for me it's a HUGE deal!

    Sorry, but expecting guests to pay for their own meals at a wedding is RUDE.
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  • gpeeplesgpeeples member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    teenabeena87 said:
    Talk about a left turn lol. Back to the original topic, I've been in a wedding before where they had brunch preceding the actual rehearsal and we had to pay for ourselves (like $7) and no one bitched and complained. I dont see what the big deal is if its under $10. Any more and you might have some pissed off people...but really whats 10 bucks.
    It's not about whether or not $10 is a big deal, it's rude to host a dinner/brunch/whatever and expect people to pay for themselves.  If you have a rehearsal (which I think is kind of unnecessary, but that's besides the point), the rehearsal dinner is a way of thanking your wedding party for attending the rehearsal.  Asking people to pay for themselves is kind of like offering to take a friend out for their birthday, and then telling them to pay for their meal.
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