I wish I could call this person out for their behavior!

TheBaysideBride

Funny story for a rainy Monday - FI's good friend is dating a woman who is just an absolutely nightmare. Mean, passive aggressive, just totally an unpleasant human being. Well, recently this woman has started to wear a ring on her wedding finger, and referring to her boyfriend as her husband (no, they're 100 percent not engaged). The first time I heard it I did a double take and assumed I misheard her. This weekend, as a friend's wedding that she walked out of in the middle of the ceremony saying she was afraid she was going to cough, she resumed referening this man as "my husband."

it's just so, so odd. And she informed FI and I at the airport that they're not coming to our wedding "because we're just so busy...."  So tacky! Her bf shoudl have told FI himself!

They've been dating 3.5 years and I think it's killing her that everyone around her is getting hitched. Anyway, that's more of a vent than a question

kerbohl

In Response to Re: I wish I could call this person out for their behavior!:
[QUOTE]When FI was just my boyfriend, I bought a fake ring and started referring to him as my husband when I wasn't at home...but I did it because I work in customer service and men hit on me all the time.  Maybe she's got similar reasoning?  (for the record, it didn't work as well as I'd hoped.)  Although I told him that I was going to do it, and he agreed because some men I'd run into got really inappropriate and it would upset me. However, I'd be lying if I said I never wore it and stuck my hand out in front of him to show him how good an engagement ring looked on my finger...
Posted by prettybirdy27[/QUOTE]

I used to work at a coffee shop and picked up a few "stalkers", one in particular who wouldn't stop asking me out.  I was single, so I got a friend of mine to start claiming that he was my boyfriend, particularly when the customer was in the store.  It backfired on me, because the guy didn't leave me alone (I eventually had to get a supervisor involved), and the store owner caught wind of my "boyfriend" and started to make us work opposite shifts because people in a relationship weren't allowed to work together.  I should have just gotten a fake ring . . .

Sjmiller418

In Response to Re:I wish I could call this person out for their behavior!:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I wish I could call this person out for their behavior! : Yes, we did it so that we would not be discriminated against by strangers we would never see again and who would have no bearing on our lives outside of that short amount of time.  No, that isn't the same thing as getting married to receive REAL financial benefits that cost money to others and then insisting on going through with a fake wedding.  Now if we had ACTUALLY GOTTEN MARRIED for the benefit of not having creepy customer follow me around or random church lady spend the next 3 months harrassing my brother about it his sinful sister, and then had a "wedding" where we invited people to come watch us pretend to get married, THAT would be the same thing. The point to a PPD is that it IS NOT A WEDDING.   ETA:  And by the way, I live in a state where you can be evicted or lose your job at any point for cohabiting with someone you are not married to, even if that fact was known at the time of hiring or signing a lease.   We have never EVER lied on any sort of documentation, but considering that H's JOB suggested that he introduce me as his wife at public functions so that they did not have to deal with complaints being lodged and end up forced to fire him due to public pressure, no I don't feel the least bit bad about it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Its lying about marriage. Was this 1950? Was your husband working for a very conservative republican politician? Was he a conservative politician? Any of the reason excpet for if this was 50 years ago there was still a choice made by you guys to lie about your marriage state.

I googled several attempts at Arkansas and rules like this but couldn't find anything not even an article of something even close to this happening. Now I am truly sorry if your state is so discriminatory and in the stone age that they would violate labor discrimination laws due to personal opinions but all of that situation is still a choice. Just like you tell people its choice to get married and then have PPD and if they want the PPD dont lie and make the choice to wait until you can have it. You chose to live together before marriage, you chose to lie about it to avoid judgement, and if a company or housing had discriminated then thats why there are laws so you fight them to make this not allowed to happen to other people.

Lastly if it was for work and housing reasons wouldn't that mean you lied to coworkers and neighbors to the avoid their judgement and as you said losing your home or job because those are the people around both of those? So those are not people only in your life for a few minutes. My whole point is you lied and made a choice in a situation that could had other options so dont be so hard on other people who have hard situations arise messing up their original plans of a wedding and tell them they have a choice so make a different one.

Sjmiller418

In Response to Re:I wish I could call this person out for their behavior!:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I wish I could call this person out for their behavior!:  Look, I obviously pissed you off at some point by stepping on your dreams of a pretty princess day, and if you want to believe that saying "this is my wife, Stage" instead of "this is my girlfriend, Stage" to someone 8 years ago at a fundraiser is the same as signing legal paperwork and then pretending it didn't happen so you can have a pretty princess day, that's cool.  However, you have me confused with someone else.  It's not the act of lying that is an issue for me.  It is the notion that the party is the important part rather than the actual act of getting married coupled with making guests sit through a fake ceremony.   But, to answer your question, we never lied for housing, that was simply an example and we never lied to a single coworker. These were literally introductions to strangers at functions that never saw us again, nor were in any way employed by either of our employers.  And for the record, Arkansas landlords can evict you for any "immoral" behavior they see fit, including cohabiting in a romantic relationship or being gay. That's fact and I'm sorry if Google didn't show you a bunch of news articles on it, but it happens often enough that we have a support network here on campus that includes finding openminded housing for students who may need it. The ugly truth is that it isn't news around here, so unless you go searching through rental laws proper, you aren't going to find much about it. There is no outrage, there are not attempts to fight it. If it happens to you, you just move.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

No nothing you've ever said personally affected me because I was encouraged by our parents to get married before deployment and then have the wedding after but it didnt sit right with us so were getting married for the first time come June and very excited. And I think plenty of the advice you give is great and sets people on the right track for etiquette which without this board I probably would have made several mistakes.

I just was making a point because I read this post and the one asking about reasons for a PPD being acceptable and your harsh response of none but then lying here are contradictory in that there are reasons beyond our control that cause us to make choices that aren't always ideal but lying to avoid judgement or being honest because they had to have the legal ceremony early but already have a party/wedding planned arent that far off from each other.