Guest has put us in an awkward position.....

MuppetFan

Who are you to judge the quality of someone else's relationship?

You need to call her up, apologize, and invite her SO (and pay for him). You were very rude not to invite them.

It doesn't matter what your budget is, you should have either cut guests or planned differently to accomodate everyone.

Peledreamsofrain

Hahaha! Imma go home tonight and call my H a rando. We haven't even been together 3 years yet. Man, we're so unserious. Maybe we should flush our marriage license too, because it's pointless until year 4. Amiright?

Awooten9

While I agree the FB handling was a tactical blunder, and the arbitrary cut-off, is, well arbitrary, if you don't want people at your wedding, don't invite them. I have decided not to invite several cousins/aunts/uncles who I would be perfectly happy never seeing again, so why on earth would I invite them to my wedding? Etiquette and reality often part ways when it comes to weddings (in my humble opinion). It's all about handling things tactfully.
 

BostonGIrl4732

In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position..... : Hell yes!
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Links or it isn't real.  I just learned of chocolate wine yesterday.  Apparently I live under a rock.

Maggie0829

In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position..... : Links or it isn't real.  I just learned of chocolate wine yesterday.  Apparently I live under a rock.
Posted by BostonGIrl4732[/QUOTE]

Check out Pinnacle brand vodka.  They have some crazy flavors that include cake, chocolate chip cookie dough, cotton candy, pumpkin pie, whipped cream, gummy and marshmallow.  Just to name a few.

winelover123

In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position..... : Check out Pinnacle brand vodka.  They have some crazy flavors that include cake, chocolate chip cookie dough, cotton candy, pumpkin pie, whipped cream, gummy and marshmallow.  Just to name a few.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

mmm....I love the whipped cream. Mix with orange soda and it tastes like a creamsicle!

RamonaFlowers

Chiming in on the cake vodka discussion: mix it with Coke. You won't be sorry.

wittykitty14

In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position..... : Check out Pinnacle brand vodka.  They have some crazy flavors that include cake, chocolate chip cookie dough, cotton candy, pumpkin pie, whipped cream, gummy and marshmallow.  Just to name a few.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

What is this sorcery?  I've heard of the whipped cream, but CAKE?  COOKIE DOUGH?  I'm at a loss for words, these sound amazing!

daveANDkristen

In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position..... : Check out Pinnacle brand vodka.  They have some crazy flavors that include cake, chocolate chip cookie dough, cotton candy, pumpkin pie, whipped cream, gummy and marshmallow.  Just to name a few.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

+Dr. Pepper = Tootsie Roll Pop (drink or shot).  Yessir

Ella and Pedro

In Response to Re:Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]Hahaha! Imma go home tonight and call my H a rando. We haven't even been together 3 years yet. Man, we're so unserious. Maybe we should flush our marriage license too, because it's pointless until year 4. Amiright?
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Please call him Rando Calrissian. 

Maggie0829

In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]It's comical to me, everytime someone posts about not giving plus ones to every BF/GF, there is a chorus of well, me and my guy knew we were a couple since the first date (or whatever). Newsflash - 1.  It's not about you. 2.  The bride is not deciding how serious your relationship is.  She is deciding who gets invite to her wedding. 3.  Everyone makes arbitrary decisions as to who gets invited to wedding; there will likely be some unhappy people. 4.  The books that do not indicate that every BF/GF be invited (only spouse, fiance, and sometimes live-in or long term partner) are not doing so as part of Wedding Industrial Complex to increase number of invites.  They are indicating less invites (This last complaint is truly comical).
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but yes they are.  If they limit couples to only engaged or married then they could be saying that my 8 year relationship with my boyfriend is not nearly as serious as that of a 1 year relationship of another couple because she has a rock on her finger.  A couple should not have cut offs when it comes to couples.  Period.

And when a couple includes guests into their wedding day then yes, it is a little bit about the guest as well as the couple getting married.  If the couple wants it to be all about them then they should elope.

And this rule is not a TK rule.  I have grown up with this rule all my life and I never would have for a second toyed with the possiblity of not inviting all of the SO's of my wedding guests.  It is called being concious of your guests and their feelings and common courtesy.  In fact, the first I heard of people not inviting SO's is when I came on TK, not before.

Maggie0829

In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position..... : +Dr. Pepper = Tootsie Roll Pop (drink or shot).  Yessir
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

Um, I think I may have to try that one this weekend!

southernredandwhite85

I may be the odd man out, but I would let her know again that you're not able to accommodate any more guests. I understand that time doesn't determine the strength of a relationship. But, to you and your fiancé, he is a random person. For us, we couldn't give every guest who was single a guest because that meant we would have to take someone off of our list to accommodate. We weren't willing to take anyone we cared about being there off so that a friend could bring someone to hang out with, their "flavor of the week", etc. If this guest is someone that you really want to be there and your wedding wouldn't be the same without them, I would encourage you to make it work, but I totally understand if you can't.

Maggie0829

In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position.....:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest has put us in an awkward position..... : Maggie -- It is not the rule advocated by most etiquette books.  If you want to advocate it, fine.  But OP is not doing anything against etiquette. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

You know, many times those etiquette books do provide good information, but this is one time where they are wrong.  You can preach all you want that what the OP did was fine but in the end what she did was rude to her guests.  And guess what?  Just like some advice you get on here, some advice you get from etiquette books can be wrong or poor advice and shouldn't be followed.  Etiquette books are not the end all be all.

RamonaFlowers

I'd like to point out that this girl's relationship with this "rando" already has a good 6 weeks on Kim Kardashian's "marriage". And pretty much 4 entire months on Britney's first marriage (... or was it her second? How many times has Britney been married?)

And yes, those are celebrity examples, but this sort of thing happens among "real" people, too.

I'd hate to think that just a few years ago my husband (whom I was serious with, but didn't live with yet) would have been cut, while my friend who literally got drunk in Vegas and married a complete stranger (JUST so she could tell everybody she was the first of our group of friends to get married) would have been allowed to bring her husband because the wedding fell during the 9 weeks they were married.

mc4dj13

Breathe, just breathe. Take a break from these boards stressing you out and figure out what you really want. What does your guest ratio allow? Family should be the largest portion obviously, and hopefully they can attend. Friends come second and you need to include the possibility of sig others with them. Set the expectation with your invitations so that your rule is consistant across the board. If you do not want to allow excessive guests then you'll have to dea withl answers and reactions you dont like.

Unlike these vultures, I am not going to tell you how or what to do because it is YOUR day and only you can make the final decision. Some people will not be pleased no matter what you do. If you are trying to avoid drama at your wedding then laying down and taking it is not an option but also don't dismiss her offer to pay for his food.

Anastasia517

FI's grandparents were engaged after 10 DAYS.  They're celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this year.  FI and I, on the other hand, had more than four years between when we talked about getting married and getting engaged.

ravenray

H's BM brought his GF of two weeks.  We have a lot of cute pictures of them.  Guess what they aren't together now, but it's totally fine.  My wedding pictures were not ruined nor was my wedding day. 

 

I hate the living together standard.  Not everyone chooses to live together before marriage and that certainly doesn't make the relationship any less serious.  

 

behsco90

I wish my cousin joined this board. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and he is pretty much a part of my family and when I asked if he could attend her wedding, my aunt told me once they get all the RSVPs back they will see. I told her to forget it (in nicer words of course).

TKzilla

I definitely think the classic etiquette books need to be revised. Please put in a chapter about honeymoon registries, Ms. Post.

AroundTheBlock

Despite all the advice you have received to the effect that anyone in any sort of self-declared relationship needs to be invited "with a plus-one", you should know that that is a knot-specific weddiquetism, and not the advice that you would bet from well-reputed etiquette experts. You will probably want to check out the Post Institute, Debrett's, and Judith Martin's lovely "Miss Manner's guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding". Standard formal etiquette is that married and engaged couples must both be invited if either one is invited; and typically co-habiting couples should be treated as married couples. None of those should be referred to as "plus-one" or "and guest"; they should be invited by name, and if they are non-cohabiting fiances they should each get their invitation sent to their own address.

While it is common to hear the claim that "we knew after (insert amazingly short time here) that we were forever!" that really is moot: people who are ready to commit to one another "forever" and declare that commitment publically are "engaged" and, tada!, entitled to being both invited under the actual rules of non-knot-specific etiquette. If they are not ready to declare that commitment publically, well, then you are not obliged to invite the boyfriend/girlfriend.
 
I generally respond to requests such as the one you describe with an excited "Oh! Are you engaged? How exciting!" ... and if the discussion with your friend is still open, you might want to try that. Perhaps they are, and that should resolve your problem with not wanting "randos" at your wedding. Perhaps they are labouring under the silly modern idea that they are not engaged unless they have bought an expensive ring, or staged an elaborate "proposal", rather than having simply agreed that they will be marrying each other: in that case, you can offer them recognition without those superficialities and help them to revise their perspective to one that focusses on actual substance. Or perhaps your friend will object "No, no, no!! Nothing like that!" which will make it easier for you to say "oh, I understand, and you understand then why you are dear enough that I want you at my wedding, and he is not."

KatieNoon

We have a very strict budget and had to make a similar rule.  As much as we would love to give everyone a guest for us it was either not invite them at all or invite just them.  Most of my guests have understood as long as I promised to put them with people they know.  One of my co-workers invited just her female co-workers to her wedding and even those who were married weren't allowed to bring guests.  I think as long as you approach the situation gentally and explain to her that there are other limations beside cost she will understand.  Many venues have limits on the number of guests that can even fit in a room.

lizmanninger

I completely disagree with all of these posts! You ARE allowed to make that call, it's your wedding. I don't want to be paying for a bunch of randoms! However one person won't break the bank, so to avoid drama, I think it's OK to let the guy come. But if you want to put your foot down, do it! You have the right, you're paying the bill.