Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema

marymargaretxo

My family, especially my father, are devout Catholics. I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school my entire life and recieved all of my sacraments. As I got older, around high school, I wasn't sure how I felt with the Catholic Church (I wasn't sure if I "belonged" there anymore), but I was pretty much going through the motions. 

Then, I met my fiance who is a devout Protestant. Long story short, I decided to become Protestant as well. Now as we are planning our wedding, we are coming to a major bump in the road. My father wants a Catholic wedding, Catholic mass with a Catholic priest. My soon-to-be-husband doesn't want that - he wants a Protestant ceremony. 

We are trying to compromise here but I need help - is it at all possible to have both a Catholic priest and a Protestant minister officiate the wedding?? If this is is possible, I would probably have to have my ceremony at the venue that I chose to have my reception (which I'm okay with since to me this is the perfect compromise - everyone's happy.) Please help if anyone can! I need all the advice I can get. Thanks in advance!!

Cupcake0629

Stage makes a very good point.  

To answer your question about having a Catholic priest and a Prostantant Minister, you need to check with each one.  There are certain religions that don't allow co-officiating outside of the religion.  

daria24

Which religion will you follow/raise any children in/etc after your marriage? If you will not be involved in the Catholic Church after your marriage, it is very disrespectful to have a Catholic ceremony.

That being said, if you do actually want to have a valid Catholic marriage, you may have options. The Catholic Church can grant dispensations for you to be married in another faith. I have been to weddings with co-officiants. Some have taken place in a Catholic Church with a Methodist/Lutheran/etc Minister as well, I've even been to a wedding at a reception venue where a priest and a rabbi co-officiated. BUT in those instances, the Catholic partner WANTED a valid Catholic marriage and intended to continue to practice post marriage. 

If YOU want to have a valid Catholic marriage, you must set up an appointment with a priest to discuss your options. But if you are only doing this to appease your father, it's time to say 'No'.

krispi921

I'm not Catholic, so I don't know the details, but I have been to a wedding before that had both a Catholic priest and a Methodist minister. The wedding was held at a chapel on a military base.

mc4dj13

Often times people believe that they can go through the motions with their religion and It will make others happy, but it will make themselves unhappy because they are sacrificing what they really want. This isnt like the cake or your flowers- it is standing in front of God and pledging to Him that this is how you want the rest of your life on earth to be spent.

It sounds like you and your Fiance have agreed on a Protestant wedding ceremony. Eventhough I am Catholic and would only agree to a Catholic ceremony, I wish you luck and a happy marriage.

HobokensFury

If you are no longer Catholic and DH never was a Catholic ceremony in a church is no longer an option.  One party must be a practicing Catholic and you must agree to raise the children in the Catholic faith.  Also you can forget the idea of a Catholic priest and a Protestant Minister marrying you.  A Catholic priest can not officiate a wedding outside of a Catholic church. It's against Vatican Law.  Any "Catholic" priest that does this is no longer in good standing or practicing with the church and does it for show as it's not recognized by the church.

daria24

In Response to Re: Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema:
[QUOTE]If you are no longer Catholic and DH never was a Catholic ceremony in a church is no longer an option.  One party must be a practicing Catholic and you must agree to raise the children in the Catholic faith.  Also you can forget the idea of a Catholic priest and a Protestant Minister marrying you.  A Catholic priest can not officiate a wedding outside of a Catholic church. It's against Vatican Law.  Any "Catholic" priest that does this is no longer in good standing or practicing with the church and does it for show as it's not recognized by the church.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

That's not necessarily true. My friend that had a Rabbi & Priest had a full-fledged priest, who is in charge of a parish, not a Rent-A-Priest retired Priest, etc. Maybe he got in trouble afterwards from the Bishop for all I know, but the bride had the priest from her parish and the groom's father was a Rabbi. 

HobokensFury

In Response to Re: Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema : That's not necessarily true. My friend that had a Rabbi & Priest had a full-fledged priest, who is in charge of a parish, not a Rent-A-Priest retired Priest, etc. Maybe he got in trouble afterwards from the Bishop for all I know, but the bride had the priest from her parish and the groom's father was a Rabbi. 
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

Where was the ceremony? If it was in a Catholic church that's fine. If it's not something else is up because it's against Vatican Law. He may have done a blessing or something like that but it would not be recgonized by the catholic church.

manjermj

In Response to Re: Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema:
[QUOTE]If you are no longer Catholic and DH never was a Catholic ceremony in a church is no longer an option.  One party must be a practicing Catholic and you must agree to raise the children in the Catholic faith.  Also you can forget the idea of a Catholic priest and a Protestant Minister marrying you.  A Catholic priest can not officiate a wedding outside of a Catholic church. It's against Vatican Law.  Any "Catholic" priest that does this is no longer in good standing or practicing with the church and does it for show as it's not recognized by the church.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

I don't think that is true either. I'm pretty sure a Catholic Priest can get a special dispensation from their Diocese to perform a wedding or Mass outside the church.

MrsMack10612

In Response to Re: Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema : I don't think that is true either. I'm pretty sure a Catholic Priest can get a special dispensation from their Diocese to perform a wedding or Mass outside the church.
Posted by manjermj[/QUOTE]

They can but it has to be under extreme circumstances.  Like someone's dying or immobile or something like that.

They will not offer dispensation "just because". 

HobokensFury

In Response to Re: Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema : I don't think that is true either. I'm pretty sure a Catholic Priest can get a special dispensation from their Diocese to perform a wedding or Mass outside the church.
Posted by manjermj[/QUOTE]

Yes but only under very special circumstances like the bride or groom lives in a hospice and can not physically go to the church. The bride wanting an outdoor wedding, or interfaith ceremony would not classify.

marymargaretxo

You guys are all right -- it honestly was not my intention whatsoever to be dishonest or disrespectful to the Catholic Church, I was just trying to work out a compromise. I have chosen to be Protestant so I'm not sure if this is bright idea of mine is even going to work. Should I still at least ask a priest or probably not?

HisGirlFriday13

Do not still ask a priest. At best, he can convalidate your marriage, but only if one of you plans to be a practising Catholic and raise your kids that way. If you're Protestant and FH is Protestant and you're gonna raise your kids Protestant, then the Catholic Church isn't going to recognise your marriage. You can ask a priest, but all he's gonna do is say no.

NYCMercedes

We had a priest say a prayer and do readings at our Protestant ceremony at our Protestant church. He did not co-officiate, but certainly did participate fully and it pleased my MIL tremendously. Ask you pastor if she/he knows of this possibility, first. Then your pastor or dad can approach the priest.

cbrown828

I am a former Catholic, recently became a member of the Presbyterian church. It was explaned to me that should I decide I want to be Catholic again, it's not like I can just start going to Mass again even though I've had all the sacraments (and 13 years of Catholic school). I would have to go through RCIA just like anyone else who wanted to become Catholic as an adult. You say you have chose to be Protestant? Meaning you have actually become a member of a different faith tradition, or you are a non-practicing Catholic who attends a Protestant church? If it's the former, you can still have the co-officiant deal (al though I agree with PP's it would be disrespectful to the church if you have no intention of practicing). If it's the latter, I think it's time to set boundaries with your family and have the wedding you and FI want.

marymargaretxo

In Response to Re:Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Protestant/Catholic Wedding Dilema : This. OP, find a way to tell your dad that you are no longer in communion with the Catholic Church. He has to realize that you have chosen a different path for your faith. You would not, in good conscience, be able to answer the declaration of intent in a Catholic wedding saying that you are entering into the sacrament by your own free will. Dad may get angry and threaten not to attend the wedding. But you need to be true to yourself.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

I think that is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, seriously!