I cringe when I see things like this...

Wheels987

Just finished editing our Honeyfund for Puerto Rico!! So excited to be leaving in just 52 days!! We'll be sending out the wedding invites within the next week to all of our friends and family, be on the lookout In the meantime if you've received a shower invitation (my sister xxxx is the one to contact), you know we're registered through Target (just search xxxxx) and also Honeyfund. Here's the link to check it all out: xxxxx

A friend just posted this on facebook. I cringed. What makes you cringe?

ETA: formatting fixed!

allispain

Oh so many wedding related things on facebook make me cringe, but mostly when people discuss who is invited (and who isn't). Do they not realize that if they do that via wall posts, all their other friends can see this?

Wheels987

I guess it shouldn't surprise me that she reposted this from her fiance's page. I wonder if her sister will also repost it.

AddieCake

Many things make me cringe, but one related to this was a former student who got married at the JOP and only invited like 5 people followed up her wedding with a link to their registry on FB. It was all I could do not to say, "You didn't invite anyone, but you want 800 people to send you gifts?!"

ohmrs2014

While I am guilty of expressing how excited I am that the date is getting closer, I would never post anything with specific information.  When I see my FB friends do that, I cringe.  I wish I could just shake them LOL.

libby18bell

A friend of mine posted on my wall saying she was excited after she got our STD.  I immediately deleted and explained to her that do to the numbers a large number of our friends won't be invited so we won't be posting any information on FB.  She's a very dear and sweet friend and she apologized a ton and said no worries and felt honored to be among the friends we could invite.

StephJean83

A girl I know through a friend posted on FB to save the date and listed her wedding date. She had a ton of friends ask if they would be invited and she said yes to everyone of them. I had a ton of my FH's family ask for specific dates for the wedding on the relationship change and when I said "Fall 2014", they called FMIL b!tching about me and saying I am rude for not putting our date out there. FMIL knows I want to keep it offline and just told them due to family issues we are keeping details offline. I will admit if we ever decide on a location for the we for the wedding I will probably be all excited and post something about finalizing the location or something but not giving dates or the actual location.

mc4dj13

In Response to I cringe when I see things like this...:
[QUOTE]Just finished editing our Honeyfund for Puerto Rico!! So excited to be leaving in just 52 days!! We'll be sending out the wedding invites within the next week to all of our friends and family, be on the lookout In the meantime if you've received a shower invitation (my sister xxxx is the one to contact), you know we're registered through Target (just search xxxxx) and also Honeyfund. Here's the link to check it all out: xxxxx A friend just posted this on facebook. I cringed. What makes you cringe? ETA: formatting fixed!
Posted by Wheels987[/QUOTE]

Unfriend

Stay at home mothers who put their toddlers in day care. There is no excuse for that. It is a waste of money and you are allowing someone else to raise your child. I know it's not wedding related, but It still makes me cringe.

ohmrs2014

In Response to Re: I cringe when I see things like this...:
[QUOTE]In Response to I cringe when I see things like this... : Unfriend Stay at home mothers who put their toddlers in day care. There is no excuse for that. It is a waste of money and you are allowing someone else to raise your child. I know it's not wedding related, but It still makes me cringe.
Posted by mc4dj13[/QUOTE]

I highly disagree with this statement.  I work in childcare and I do have some parents where only one member of the family works.  I think its important for children to interact with other children during the day.   Not only is it important socially but developmentally as well.  Where I can see your point being valid is when they drop them off at open and pick them up at closing and thats when I think its too much and a waste.  But other than that, I am highly for social interaction amongst toddlers, even infants.

ridedatbike

In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I cringe when I see things like this...:In Response to I cringe when I see things like this... : Unfriend Stay at home mothers who put their toddlers in day care. There is no excuse for that. It is a waste of money and you are allowing someone else to raise your child. I know it's not wedding related, but It still makes me cringe.Posted by mc4dj13I highly disagree with this statement. nbsp;I work in childcare and I do have some parents where only one member of the family works. nbsp;I think its important for children to interact with other children during the day. nbsp; Not only is it important socially but developmentally as well. nbsp;Where I can see your point being valid is when they drop them off at open and pick them up at closing and thats when I think its too much and a waste. nbsp;But other than that, I am highly for social interaction amongst toddlers, even infants. Posted by 50ShadesofMe[/QUOTE] But you don't need to go to day care and use the money your husband makes to pay for it to get your child socialized.

ohmrs2014

All I'm saying is that I see the benefits, both socially and developmentally.  I see it when a child enters at my age level, Preschool/Pre-K for the first time and developmentally they aren't where they should be and socially they have no idea how to interact with other children.  Yes, I know that there are mommy and me groups and you can take your child to a park in order to get the interaction, but in no means is it the same as going to a preschool.

artbyallie

In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...: But you don't need to go to day care and use the money your husband makes to pay for it to get your child socialized.
Posted by ridedatbike[/QUOTE]

Perhaps it makes it easier to run errands or clean or maybe even run a home business or write or do art... point is, you can't know and it's judgy to think that way. Also, the bolded bothers me. Married money is our money, regardless of who's bringing in what paycheck.

monkeysip

In Response to Re: I cringe when I see things like this...:
[QUOTE]All I'm saying is that I see the benefits, both socially and developmentally.  I see it when a child enters at my age level, Preschool/Pre-K for the first time and developmentally they aren't where they should be and socially they have no idea how to interact with other children.  Yes, I know that there are mommy and me groups and you can take your child to a park in order to get the interaction, but in no means is it the same as going to a preschool.
Posted by 50ShadesofMe[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but I think that's a very western, modernist notion.  Plenty of societies have raised children without relying on formalized daycare services.  There's nothing wrong with daycare, but children can also receive very valuable socialization and development at home too.  It's called good parenting.

Edit to clarify:  I don't see anything wrong with using a daycare occassionally even if you are a stay at home mom.  I know moms still need days where they can get things done without children in tow.

ohmrs2014

Don't get me wrong, it is def upsetting when a parent who doesn't work drops them off at 7am and picks them up at 6pm.  I think at that point its a little ridiculous, I do agree there.  But bringing them on a part-time or half-day basis for like three or four days a week, I don't see a problem with that.  But maybe I am biased since I work in the early childhood field.

ETA:  There are actually a lot of parents that run their own business from their houses and it does appear that they just sit at home when in reality they are working.  There can be many reasons why parents use day care or preschools.

emeejeeayen

I was one of those kids who went to daycare very early because both of my parents worked. Yes, I turned out fine, but I remember how effing miserable I was every single day my mom left me, and I cannot imagine what I would have done if I knew she was doing it by choice rather than necessity. Every single day my mom had a day off of work (she worked/works in film so sometimes there just isn't a show booked) she would keep me home, probably up to even like 2nd grade. It killed her to have to send me to preschool and daycare, and I think I would have been just fine if I hadn't needed to go everyday or at all.

That said, FI's mom has been a stay at home mom his entire life, and she sent all the boys to preschool, daycare, sleep away summer camps, etc. Then again, she had four sons and was a bit overwhelmed. FI doesn't have nearly the relationship with his parents that I have with mine, nor with his siblings. 

Just my experience and thoughts (obviously). 

Ella and Pedro

Back to the original topic and post, besides the fact that this is extremely insensitive to your non-invited 'facebook' friends, and that friends know friends who know ex-lovers (which I think is especially gauche), it's also a risk to post a date when you'll be out of town and have a lot of new, expensive, possibly uninsured, possibly unopened wedding gifts sitting at home.  Burglars LOVE facebook.

jessicabessica

In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...: But you don't need to go to day care and use the money your husband makes to pay for it to get your child socialized.
Posted by ridedatbike[/QUOTE]

The money I make or my husband makes is our money.  We make joint decisions about what to do with our money, and it is none of your business how we spend our money.  Not that we spend it on day care, seeing as we don't have kids, but this level of judginess is pretty ridiculous.  

edited

ohmrs2014

My sister went to preschool because at that point my mom had went back to work whereas I went right into Pre-K (we were in an area that the school my dad had planned on sending us too as he went there had a Pre-K).  I remember being so jealous that my little sister went to school before I did.  My sister only went half-day because my moms work schedule allowed for that, but I know my mom said she wishes she did it with me because my sister learned so much more than what I was learning in Pre-K.

emeejeeayen

In Response to Re: I cringe when I see things like this...:
[QUOTE]My sister went to preschool because at that point my mom had went back to work whereas I went right into Pre-K (we were in an area that the school my dad had planned on sending us too as he went there had a Pre-K).  I remember being so jealous that my little sister went to school before I did.  My sister only went half-day because my moms work schedule allowed for that, but I know my mom said she wishes she did it with me because my sister learned so much more than what I was learning in Pre-K.
Posted by 50ShadesofMe[/QUOTE]

Did you enjoy school?

I personally think preschool (despite the fact that my preschool was pretty awesome, and I loved it) put me off school in general because I didn't get the opportunity to look forward to school. I was popular throughout school, and I never struggled with grades, and yet meh: I didn't like school. Just saying.

Storm29

Okay, I have to jump in here... I worked in a daycare for years (excellent college job). I loved it. Most of the kids were happy and well adjusted. (We were a NAC center in a upper-middle class area, which helped with that... plenty of resources to go around).

That being said, my mother was a SAHM. My brothers and I went to formal preschool at 3-4, and public school after that, but nights, weekends, toddler years, summers... we were home with Mom. 

It was wonderful and idyllic, and none of us ever had ANY socialization issues whatsoever. We're all very social and successful people now. I truly believe we were better off at home than we ever would have been in the best of daycare centers.

Can daycare be productive? Yes. Is staying at home with your parents the old-fashioned way going to cause any issues? Assuming you have competent parents, no. Not to mention, since daycare centers have really only become popular in the US since the 1970's (and still aren't the norm in most of the world), the idea that children "need" daycare to socialize is downright ridiculous.

ohmrs2014

In Response to Re: I cringe when I see things like this...:
[QUOTE]Okay, I have to jump in here... I worked in a daycare for years (excellent college job). I loved it. Most of the kids were happy and well adjusted. (We were a NAC center in a upper-middle class area, which helped with that... plenty of resources to go around). That being said, my mother was a SAHM. My brothers and I went to formal preschool at 3-4, and public school after that, but nights, weekends, toddler years, summers... we were home with Mom.  It was wonderful and idyllic, and none of us ever had ANY socialization issues whatsoever. We're all very social and successful people now. I truly believe we were better off at home than we ever would have been in the best of daycare centers. Can daycare be productive? Yes. Is staying at home with your parents the old-fashioned way going to cause any issues? Assuming you have competent parents, no. Not to mention, since daycare centers have really only become popular in the US since the 1970's (and still aren't the norm in most of the world), the idea that children "need" daycare to socialize is downright ridiculous.

Posted by Storm29[/QUOTE]

I apologize.  I didn't mean for it come off like children "need" daycare.  It's def not what I was implying.  I just found it to be a little offensive when it was stated that the person finds it offensive and ridiculous when SAHM's put their kids in daycare even if they don't need to.

ridedatbike

In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...: But you don't need to go to day care and use the money your husband makes to pay for it to get your child socialized.Posted by ridedatbikePerhaps it makes it easier to run errands or clean or maybe even run a home business or write or do art... point is, you can't know and it's judgy to think that way. Also, the bolded bothers me. Married money is ournbsp;money, regardless of who's bringing in what paycheck. Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE] Sorry but I'm a firm believer that it isn't our money just by association there has yo be equal participation from both pgrtys and if you're just sitting around doing hobbies and nothing constructive for your household I would def consider that his money. A home business on the other hand seems reasonable.

ridedatbike

OK and preschool isn't day care. They are two completely different things. I definitely see a child benefitting from.gong to preschool over staying home.

ridedatbike

In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...: But you don't need to go to day care and use the money your husband makes to pay for it to get your child socialized.Posted by ridedatbikeWhat about stay at home dads? nbsp;This offends me since you assume the woman is the stay at home parent and not the man. nbsp;Even now FI and I's money is our money. nbsp;When we get married it will be still our money not just his or my money. Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE] If she had said anything about stay at home dads I might have mentioned a wife's paycheck. But her post was specifically about stay at home.moms

mc4dj13

mc4dj13

This is a great discussion, and It has opened up a whole OTHER discussion about husbands/wives money. I believe each family dynamic is different and while we shouldn't critisize other's methods of handling money, we also shouldnt force upon them ours.

To Each His Own. As long as they can be a united family, raise happy and healthy children, and be grateful for their blessings it is no business to the outside world how their money is handled. 

Storm29

That's alright, 50Shadesofme, my bad for reading wrong. I've heard the attitude I wrongfully implied in your post a lot, so I'm probably a little oversensitive to it. I'm planning on being a SAHM in years to come and have already been sideeyed for it quite a bit, apparently it has made me jumpy.

ridedatbike

In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:In Response to I cringe when I see things like this...:Just finished editing our Honeyfund for Puerto Rico!! So excited to be leaving in just 52 days!! We'll be sending out the wedding invites within the next week to all of our friends and family, be on the lookout ; In the meantime if you've received a shower invitation my sister xxxx is the one to contact, you know we're registered through Target just search xxxxx and also Honeyfund. Here's the link to check it all out: xxxxx A friend just posted this on facebook. I cringed. What makes you cringe? ETA: formatting fixed!Posted by Wheels987UnfriendStay at home mothers who put their toddlers in day care. There is no excuse for that. It is a waste of money and you are allowing someone else to raise your child. I know it's not wedding related, but It still makes me cringe. Posted by mc4dj13 I am a SAHM. It is every bit as demanding of a job as a paid one. If my kid didn't have school during the day, I would be a twisted, bitter old woman. If she was still a toddler, you better bet she would be in some program or another, just for the few hours it would allow me to: go to doctor appointments, grocery shop, clean house, go to the laundromat, examine my eyelids for holes, take a swim, etc. It wouldn't be every day. It wouldn't be all day. But at least once a week, Mommy would get a day off. Posted by EllaYoung[/QUOTE] You know what this actually makes a lot more sense that what I originally pictured. Do I agree with it not really but it seems a lot more reasonable than what I was thinking. I am also a sahm BTW. Thank you for making this point.

artbyallie

In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:I cringe when I see things like this...: Sorry but I'm a firm believer that it isn't our money just by association there has yo be equal participation from both pgrtys and if you're just sitting around doing hobbies and nothing constructive for your household I would def consider that his money. A home business on the other hand seems reasonable.
Posted by ridedatbike[/QUOTE]

You seem to have missed my point that you don't know what an individual's contribution to their household is. And legally speaking, a married couple's money is their money collectively, regardless of how it came to be in their accounts. That's why people can get spousal support when they divorce.

jessilovesdavid

Children that have little or no exposure to other children their own age can benefit from some time in daycare.  Maybe the stay-at-home Mom is doing that.  As an only child, I would have liked time to spend with other children.