Wedding Dress Woes

Laurarara

So I'm starting to think about my dress. I'm a size 16/18 but I've only been that way for 2 years. I gained the weight due to illness. I was a size 8 before that.

I have NO idea what looks good on my body. Also, I'm disabled so I can't go out to the bridal stores for more than 30 minutes at a time (I have seizures under flourecent lights). I need help pinpointing what would look good on me before I go shopping so I can go right to the racks and pick the right dresses.

Here's a picture of me:

Here's a picture of my ideal wedding dress. The designer said she can make this dress in a size 16/18 but I don't even know what that would look like.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/120836700/strapless-sweetheart-a-line-embroidery?ref=shop_home_active

The dress is only $260, so I'm thinking I just want to buy it and see what it looks like on me out of curiosity?

Do you think this dress would look good on a plus size woman? If not, what kinds of designs would you point me towards?

RaptorSLH

I'm a huge fan of trying things on, because the way it looks on a photoshopped model has approximately nothing to do with the way it looks on an actual body.  Most shapes look good on at least some plus-size women, it all depends on how you carry the weight. 

Also, there have been a lot of horror stories about dresses ordered (as this one would be) from China.  Don't buy a dress from China unless you can afford to waste the money if it doesn't turn out.

I know the "actual measurements may vary up to 1 inch" policy would frighten me.  If it is custom made to my measurements, it shouldn't have that much error - and 1" smaller on a fitted design like this could be a huge problem.

Is there anything you can do to work around your disability?  Do sunglasses help?  Do all retail stores bother you, or just the extra lighting at a bridal store?  i.e. Can you try on dresses at non-bridal retailers to get an idea of the shapes you like, and are confident in, then pick favorites online and go to the bridal store for final selection?  If all retail stores bother you, maybe order a bunch of non-bridal dresses off of Amazon or someplace with a generous return policy, try them on in the safe lighting at home?

If you have no idea what works on your body, and no experience what you are comfortable with (the dress you want looks fitted through the hips - are you confident in that?) a picture online is a bad way to tell.

Laurarara

Sunglasses don't help and it's florecent lights so, pretty much any non-residential building is going to do that to me.

I can shop. I just want to be able to waltz into a bridal boutique and have a good idea of what will look decent on me.

What do you mean by fitted through the hips? I sort of want the top fitted (like a corset or a wrap or something) to give me support in the bust area and work with my "spanx" to smooth out any rolls or pooches. I know I look bad in an empire waist so I wanted a dress where the waist stopped lower. Is that the wrong way to think about it?

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]Sunglasses don't help and it's florecent lights so, pretty much any non-residential building is going to do that to me. [/QUOTE]

I would definitely consider trying the order-and-return route to experiment, then.  It'll take some research, but to me that's better than money down the drain if a custom dress doesn't work.  

Or do you have any bridal shops near you that carry plus sizes close enough that you can make repeat trips?  Maybe schedule a 20min scouting trip.  Prep the store in advance that you have a time limit, and ask them to prepare 3-4 different shape dresses for you to try on as an experiment.

[QUOTE] I just want to be able to waltz into a bridal boutique and have a good idea of what will look decent on me.[/QUOTE] 

Best way to know what looks good on you is experience, I'm afraid. 

[QUOTE]What do you mean by fitted through the hips? I sort of want the top fitted (like a corset or a wrap or something) to give me support in the bust area and work with my "spanx" to smooth out any rolls or pooches. I know I look bad in an empire waist so I wanted a dress where the waist stopped lower. Is that the wrong way to think about it?
[/QUOTE]

It's not wrong at all.  A properly fitted and boned dress will definitely help smooth and support.  The question here isn't what's right or wrong, but what are you confident in?  The design you've pointed out hugs the hips - it stays tight-fitted below the waist.  If you are confident in that silouette, than go for it.  But you say you have no idea what looks good on your body, so do you know how you would feel?

LAM524

I too have no idea what would look good on me. I actually cant imagine anything looking good since gaining 80 lbs in less then a yr. Currently a size 18/20 with most of my weight midsection and arms I dread the tasks of shopping for a gown (especially cause most dont cover the arms). But...I have a few more months of dieting and where ever I end up...thats where I will be.:) I can share that Im addicted to those bridal shows..."Say Yes To The Dress' etc. One thing I hear repeatedly suggested for "bigger" woman (and it always looks to be true) is "ruching" Ive seen some beautiful gowns (on these shows) and when compared to other styles, the ruching always is much more complimentary on the brides.  Good luck and congrats!

JoanE2012

LAM2228 said:

I too have no idea what would look good on me. I actually cant imagine anything looking good since gaining 80 lbs in less then a yr. Currently a size 18/20 with most of my weight midsection and arms I dread the tasks of shopping for a gown (especially cause most dont cover the arms). But...I have a few more months of dieting and where ever I end up...thats where I will be.:) I can share that Im addicted to those bridal shows..."Say Yes To The Dress' etc. One thing I hear repeatedly suggested for "bigger" woman (and it always looks to be true) is "ruching" Ive seen some beautiful gowns (on these shows) and when compared to other styles, the ruching always is much more complimentary on the brides.  Good luck and congrats!

For me, I found the ruching actually added bulk to me!  It looked horrible.  Instead, I chose an A-Line dress that had a design in which material from the sides met at a point in the middle....the smallest part of the waist....with a beaded applique.  I think this was the key for me....it gave the illusion of a smaller waist than I have!  

Regardless, I think the key is to be open to different styles and try on everything!  Dresses you think look good may turn out horrible and dresses that look awful on the hanger may look beautiful on you!

RaptorSLH

Lam, speaking as someone with a large midsection, who was a size 28 at the time, there are dresses that will look good on you, I promise.

What worked for me was an A-line with a higher waist.  Soft draping fabrics with an empire waist make me look pregnant.  A structured dress skimmed over those areas instead of emphasizing them.  If you're worried about arms, there are plenty of boleros/jackets/shrugs/wraps out there. 

Figure out some brands that carry your size, (Alfred Angelo and David's Bridal are popular chains) and find out when you would have to order.  Shop as early as you like to give yourself time to find the right dress, but wait to order until you are close to that deadline.  A corset back will give you more flexibility as your weight shifts, but you still want to get close to the right size, and it does sound like your weight is changing pretty dramatically.

Can I assume there's a doctor involved?  I'm less concerned about your current size than how quickly you got there.

blissing

If you have some credit cards with a high limit, just order a bunch of dresses from David's and then return the ones you don't like.  I ended up with my dress that way.  The stores never had enough selection for me, plus they only tend to carry the more expensive dresses in stock.  

hyechica81

dont order from the etsy shop it looks like a chineese knock off site a few of her pictures look like stolen pictures from Real bridal websites, and some of her photos have the faces cut off. plus if she really making the wedding dresses her stock photos would not look like it came out of a magazine. in some fancy room and in some of the photos you have a fancy photo then u have a picture of the gown on a manaquine and the photo of the dress on the manaquine looks similar to the women wearing it but not the same dress.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/120849827/white-mermaid-lace-wedding-dress-with?ref=shop_home_active look carfully at the women on top and the dress itself some flaws 

LAM524

Raptor....thank you for your concern There were a few doctors! I had gallbladder surgery, shoulder surgery and ankle surgery...in one year!!! You would think I was in some kind of accident but I wasnt. Shoulder was torn in 4 places (have no idea how) and I "rolled" my ankle 3x (in 4 weeks) during my sons football season as I was simply walking across the field...this resulted in a tendon tear! (I blame it on my new sneakers that were designed with holes in the heals)

The crazy was during the week in hospital with gallbladder, I was only on IV fluids and gained 13lbs before surgery!! Both shoulder and ankle surgeries resulted in complications. With ankle, I was in wheelchair for 3 months waiting for incision (which had opened and formed a big hole) wound to heal. Immediately after shoulder surgery my arm blew up resulting in a delay with physical therapy for 6 weeks!

Being less mobile, I guess did it. I DID NOT eat like a crazy person either. My GP did check thyroid and said it was "borderline" but no meds.

I still have lots of issues with both ankles (had surgery on other ankle after I fell into a culvert pipe) so it does make it very difficult to exercise (cardio). Its stinks....it really does! When I have my good times and can be active the weight drops at a very pleasing rate! But I always end up paying the price before long!

Thanks for your advice. It just so happens that Alfred Angelo is one of the designers that I favor and there is a store within my city!!! So excited!!! hmmmmm...I am questioning my deadline tho!

[Deleted User]

@LAM2228 have you went to see an Endo many physicans don't medicate for borderline when they should.  Infact, the "normal" levels are not always normal for everyone.  I would do some google researching there is a ton of information out there about thyroid and docs not treating people who are borderline and should. 

LAM524

mdtaylor....thats interesting! No...I havent seen an Endo. Actually my gp said I can control it with "diet" I never did get that!!!! Honestly, I havent had it checked in about 3-4 yrs. Now Im thinking I should get a recheck and take it from there. Thanks!!

silver0319

mdtaylor1981 said:

@LAM2228 have you went to see an Endo many physicans don't medicate for borderline when they should.  Infact, the "normal" levels are not always normal for everyone.  I would do some google researching there is a ton of information out there about thyroid and docs not treating people who are borderline and should. 

Ditto! It also depends on the lab doing the bloodwork. My GP told me that Labcorp and Quest have slightly different "normal" ranges. I have Hashimoto's and my levels often fluctuate (along with my weight). I've never heard that it can be controlled with diet, but I try to avoid soy, nuts, and beans in order to help keep my lovely autoimmune symptoms at bay.

caitzon

I completely understand how you feel. In the past few months I've been diagnosed with narcolepsy, I had fluid on my knee and had to stay off it for 6 weeks, had a hives breakout for two weeks, then I had an ovarian cyst that had to be removed surgically and I just recovered from a sprained shoulder. Needless to say I've gained a lot of weight just from being on steroids and pain medication. 

I agree that you need to try a dress on but if you absolutely can't, look for dresses that are A-line and ones made of quality material like silk that won't cling to your curves but rather accentuate them. Also, highlight your assets. If you've got great legs, try a high-low dress. I ended up with an Oleg Cassini from David's Bridal that's a high low. I suggest sweetheart neckline because I think they flatter just about anyone. 

I'm getting a spray tan before my wedding too because if you tan, you just look healthier and it can help hide any flaws. 

Good luck! I really wish you the best. It will get better. My wedding is in about two weeks and I'm nowhere near where I want to be but I know my fiancé loves me for who I am and I'm sure your fiancé loves you and will love you at any size.