MIL from hell - seriously!!

FionaH87

So, initially she seemed excited about us getting married.
Then she found out we're having a civil ceremony. I'm an aetheist and my OH is agnostic, although raised church of Scotland. She has tried to change our minds, 'have a religious blessing after, and all my friends can come', 'have a religious ceremony' and 'I've spoken to the minister, he would marry you even though you eren't christened'.
I stood my ground that day, but things have been pretty crappy since then. It's been like a black cloud over what I reckon should be the happiest time of my/our lives!
My fiance sat her down the other night and told her that we had further discussed it (even though we had already done this before we spoke to her the forst time) and we definately were having a civil ceremony with a registrar. Apparently (I didn't go, because she has been rude to me since the first incident), she said it was 'a slap in the face for the whole family', 'selfish', and 'we've made our bed, we can lie in it'. When he broached the subject of venue, she stated she wasn't intersted.
I'm not sure now how to deal with this, because I said from the start I wanted everyone involved in the wedding. I'm willing to discuss colour choices, guest list, flowers and all that until I'm blue in the face, but I really feel religion (or my lack of) and choice of ceremony is something that is OUR decision to make.
Any advice/sympathy etc would be lovely.

bunni727

What is your question, exactly?

Your MIL sounds like a snot and a half, and I'm sorry you are going through this, but there isn't much more you can do. Just keep telling her no, and change the subject when she tries to talk wedding. I wouldn't discuss anything wedding-related with her, because she would probably turn it back to the same issue.

Your FI made a mistake when he told her that you had further discussed it. That, to her, says "I tried to reason, beg, and plead with fiona, but she just won't change her mind." He needs to make it clear that this is what you both want, and it isn't open for further discussion.

Just plan the wedding you and your FI want, and use your discretion on whether or not to answer when your FMIL (or anyone) asks you questions.*

*Unless someone is contributing money. In that case, they do need to have input.

FionaH87

Thank you - I just have no idea how to deal with it now. And he's so upset, which isn't very easy to deal with when I can't really say what I want ( like you're mother is being unreasonable and a snot and a half!).
Like you say, I think not talking weddings is the thing to do. She had suggested previously that she would give us money (to equal what my mum and dad were, although she was pissed they aren't paying for the whole thing, and asked me to justify it!) but after realising she's not getting the wedding she wants I think she has reconsidered. In this case, like you say, no discussions!

zitiqueen

Where, exactly, does your FI stand on this?

 

MairePoppy

Your FMIL is trying to punish you because you didn't give in to her demands for a religious ceremony. Your marriage ceremony should reflect  your beliefs, not your family members. Your fi should tell his mother that the decision on the civil ceremony is final and is not up for discussion, the two of you will walk out if she brings it up again. He should also tell mom that if she doesn't treat you with respect, she will not be seeing much of either of you. You'll probably have to follow through a few times so she knows you're serious. Don't back down.

Don't accept money from your FMIL for the wedding. Plan a wedding that you and fi can afford. That may mean cutting the guest list, or simplifying your plans, but you won't have to answer to her.