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Mom's long-distance online shower?

bdiddy215bdiddy215
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My mother is interested in throwing a shower in my honor, and inviting her personal friends, neighbors, clients, and some of our family members.  I live in PA, and she lives in NE.  I wouldn't be able to travel back to my homestate for a shower, so she would like to throw this shower with my presence through Skype.  My fiancee and I have 130 guests on our guest list, and I anticipate that NONE of the friends my mother would like to host at this shower will receive an actual invite to the wedding-- we just don't have the budget for it, and there is no such thing as a 'courtesy invite.'  She, however, is a mother that lives far away from her daughter, and genuinely wants to do something special for me (which is very sweet).  Will her friends and family (whose daughters have been supported by my mom's presence at their local weddings and/or showers) feel okay with this?  Etiquette-wise, is this arrangement acceptable?
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Re: Mom's long-distance online shower?

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would hate to attend a shower for someone only to find out that they're not actually there, and it is rude to invite people to a shower who won't be invited to the wedding.  Also, strict etiquette holds that mothers can't throw showers because you don't solicit gifts for family members, but I know that sometimes people do this. 

    Is there something else that your mother could do for you besides throw a party?  I'd just tell her that the logistics of your wedding make it not work for you.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I'm gonna have to say no to that. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Not acceptable. If your mom wants to get together with her friends, she can throw a party. PA and NE aren't all that far though are you having a local shower? Could she help with that if she wants to feel involved?
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    MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    This sounds like no fun at all. You wont even be at the shower, no one at the shower can go to the wedding, no fun. Just tell your mother you love her consideration but you don't want the shower.
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    brielleinlovebrielleinlove member
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    Her heart is in the right place, but the purpose of a shower is for relatives and friends to celebrate with the bride prior to the wedding.  If you the bride can't physically attend the shower, that won't be possible.  Decline the shower as kindly as you can and see if there is some other way she could be involved in pre-wedding festivities.
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    lisabeatslisabeats member
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    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re:Mom's longdistance online shower?:
    [QUOTE]Not acceptable. If your mom wants to get together with her friends, she can throw a party. PA and NE aren't all that far though are you having a local shower? Could she help with that if she wants to feel involved?
    Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]


    ?? At best it's like 13 hours? Not trying to pick a fight here, this comment just caught me off guard.
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    MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
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    In Response to Re:Mom's longdistance online shower?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Mom's longdistance online shower? : ?? At best it's like 13 hours? Not trying to pick a fight here, this comment just caught me off guard.
    Posted by lisabeats[/QUOTE]

    PP probably thought NE was New England- that's what I thought at first glance.
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    bdiddy215bdiddy215
    First Comment
    Haha...yes, I do mean Pennsylvania and Nebraska.  $400 minimum travel expenses, which is why I can't be at the NE shower.  Thanks for all the input, knotties.  I appreciate your thoughts.
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Ha yes! I was thinking New England, not Nebraska. Sorry!
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    bdiddy215bdiddy215
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    In Response to Re: Mom's long-distance online shower?:
    [QUOTE]I agree that her heart is in the right place but this doesn't even make sense to me.  Do they bring gifts and someone else opens them and they just watch your reaction on Skype? Or do they send gifts and you open them in your home while they all sit in a room without you? I'm very confused. I feel I may be missing something.
    Posted by LMc0322[/QUOTE]

    Ideas she has is throwing an "amazon shower," with an amazon theme: rainforest decor, guests dress in tropical-themed wear, mom serves tropical foods and drinks, and guests see my amazon.com wedding registry at the party.  I would interact with them through skype, they would enjoy food & drink at my mom's house, and if they wish, they would view and select something from the amazon gift registry to have sent to me.
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    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    In Response to Re: Mom's long-distance online shower?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom's long-distance online shower? : Ideas she has is throwing an "amazon shower," with an amazon theme: rainforest decor, guests dress in tropical-themed wear, mom serves tropical foods and drinks, and guests see my amazon.com wedding registry at the party.  I would interact with them through skype, they would enjoy food & drink at my mom's house, and if they wish, they would view and select something from the amazon gift registry to have sent to me.
    Posted by bdiddy215[/QUOTE]

    Unless there was "jungle juice" and beer pong I wouldn't be going.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    In Response to Re: Mom's long-distance online shower?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom's long-distance online shower? : Ideas she has is throwing an "amazon shower," with an amazon theme: rainforest decor, guests dress in tropical-themed wear, mom serves tropical foods and drinks, and guests see my amazon.com wedding registry at the party.  I would interact with them through skype, they would enjoy food & drink at my mom's house, and if they wish, they would view and select something from the amazon gift registry to have sent to me.
    Posted by bdiddy215[/QUOTE]

    It's still not a good idea to have people who won't be invited to your wedding choosing gifts for you at a shower.  I'm sticking to my advice to take a pass on this and tell your mother "Thanks but not thanks."
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    In Response to Re: Mom's long-distance online shower?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom's long-distance online shower? : Ideas she has is throwing an "amazon shower," with an amazon theme: rainforest decor, guests dress in tropical-themed wear, mom serves tropical foods and drinks, and guests see my amazon.com wedding registry at the party.  I would interact with them through skype, they would enjoy food & drink at my mom's house, and if they wish, they would view and select something from the amazon gift registry to have sent to me.
    Posted by bdiddy215[/QUOTE]


    WAIT.  To clarify, no one would have purchased anything before? They're standing there and shopping online in front of a bunch of other people, including you (via Skype) and your mother? So people would show up and be guilted into standing there and buying something for you online? I hope I'm misunderstanding this. 

    I don't understand any party where the guest of honor isn't there.  I can't imagine how awkward it would be for the guests to show up and each take turns standing in front of a computer to talk to you.

    Also, I'm grumpy, but goodness do I hate themed parties. I have no idea what I would wear that is 'tropical.'  This would likely be a party that I would skip.
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Mom's long-distance online shower?:
    [QUOTE]My mother is interested in throwing a shower in my honor, and inviting her personal friends, neighbors, clients, and some of our family members.  I live in PA, and she lives in NE.  I wouldn't be able to travel back to my homestate for a shower, so she would like to throw this shower with my presence through Skype.  My fiancee and I have 130 guests on our guest list, and I anticipate that NONE of the friends my mother would like to host at this shower will receive an actual invite to the wedding-- we just don't have the budget for it, and there is no such thing as a 'courtesy invite.'  She, however, is a mother that lives far away from her daughter, and genuinely wants to do something special for me (which is very sweet).  Will her friends and family (whose daughters have been supported by my mom's presence at their local weddings and/or showers) feel okay with this?  Etiquette-wise, is this arrangement acceptable?
    Posted by bdiddy215[/QUOTE]

    Oddness of the shower idea aside, the bolded part is what makes this a no-no.  If you can't include these people on your guest list, they shouldn't be included in a shower.  At all.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    MuppetFanMuppetFan member
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    how awkward.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Mom's long-distance online shower?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Mom's long-distance online shower? : Oddness of the shower idea aside, the bolded part is what makes this a no-no.  If you can't include these people on your guest list, they shouldn't be included in a shower.  At all.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]
    This!



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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    Mom needs a hobby!
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    MoxieMickieMoxieMickie member
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    edited October 2013

     

     

     

     

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