Family Invite Trouble!

HagiYaki1_22780046

Hi everyone! This is my first post.
My fiance and I are having a wedding in America (me) and a wedding in Japan (him) and we'll be living in Japan starting from after our American wedding. My father is retired and my mother recently lost her job, so my fiance and I will be paying for the American wedding (no outside financial contributions). His parents will be coming from Japan to be there with us, but we don't expect the rest of his family too since it is quite an expensive flight.

That being said, the majority of our 50-person guest list is members of my family, my close friends, and some mutual friends that we have. He is completely fine with this. We essentially have the A-list hammered out. The problem is with my grandmother and partly with my mother. I agreed to my parents' 4 friends, whom I also like. Totally fine with me. My mom keeps throwing in random family members that I should invite, like her cousin and husband (husbad I've never met, this cousin I've only met a handful of times). She lives nearby a great aunt and set of cousins (related to them) that I am close to.

My grandmother is throwing fits that I'm not inviting her sister and husband (great aunt and uncle who I really can't stand to be around and haven't seen in years) and the great aunt and uncle's children (4 in all) and their children (4+ their small children +2). The +2 children's fathers are not married to the mothers and I have no clue if they're still dating. I also haven't seen any of these people in years and I never talk to them.

So with that drama and long back story, here's my quesiton: although they are family, do I have to invite any of them? What do we do? I feel like I've gone crazy! />_<

Blue & White

You don't HAVE to invite anyone. Except significant others of people you already have on the list. But you do have to delete the blist since its ridiculously rude. And you should probably not pretend you're getting married twice. Good luck. The board might eat you alive

AddieCake

I understand her "B" list not to be a list of people who she will invite if the A-listers can't make it, but rather a 2-column list, the A-listers as the MUST-haves, and the B-list as people they MIGHT invite. No harm, no foul. I also don't side-eye 2 weddings when it's multiple countries and cultures like that. 

HagiYaki, if you are paying for the wedding, you have control of the guest list. We did not invite anyone who is not in our lives on a regular basis, regardless of where they fall on our family tree. If you do not have anything to do with some people in your family, there is no reason you should invite them. In fact, I would find it odd if someone I don't talk to invited me to their wedding, even if they were family. 

HagiYaki1_22780046

Thanks!

Sorry, a few of that stuff did not come off right. I should have rephrased our guest list better- our list of people we absolutely will invite and a list of people we might invite (but for whatever reason we're not sure yet, such as the extended-extended family I asked about earlier).


I know, "two weddings" sounds completely insane. I do agree that calling it "two weddings" is a bit off, but I'm not sure what else to call it. I didn't think it was uncommon to have two celebrations, one in the bride's country, one in the groom's country, especially if someone is uprooting to live in their fiance/fiancee's country. The interracial board on the forum also has some brides doing the same thing as us. We don't want to leave out close family and long-time friends on both sides.

Sorry to get off on a wrong foot and sound like a bridezilla and diva. I'm really not crazy (in a bad way, haha), I promise. Thanks for the answers! :-)

AddieCake

Kudos to you for not flipping out on the people who misunderstood you as well!

Jen4948

Thanks for clarifying!  I agree with the PPs who say that since you're paying, it's completely up to you who gets invited.  Tell your mother and grandmother that they are not entitled to a family reunion at your expense and that no additional people will be added to the guest list.

thejucheidea

In Response to Re:Family Invite Trouble!:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Family Invite Trouble!:  I am curious: will you be having a traditional Japanese ceremony in Japan? If so, I would be quite interested in the details as I am absolutely in the dark on Japanese culture, but would love to know more.
Posted by EllaYoung[/QUOTE]
I was an East Asian studies major with a focus in Japanese language and culture (and North Korean history), and Japanese weddings are really interesting. Lots of costume changes.

HagiYaki1_22780046

No, oh my gosh, my fault for not proof-reading my original post! Verbal diahrrea!
Japanese weddings, just like weddings in America can run the gamut from very simple to all-out lavish affairs with multiple costume changes, just like reception dresses in America.
Some couples that I know got married at a Shinto shrine in kimono (bride) and hakama (groom), and then also did something at a wedding hall which look like Christian churches and then have a massive party afterwards. He's in a tux and she wears the white gown and usually has another dress in the wings for the reception. Guests generally only give cash gifts and the newly-wed couple gives the guests very lavish gifts.

What the fiance and I want to do in Japan is similar to America- very small affair, and keep it nice and simple, but still full of meaning and share our love with everyone. We'd do the ceremony at the Shinto shrine and then go somewhere with his family and friends and have a meal together and enjoy each other's company.

For those of you interested in the Japanese ceremony, it will be a few years off (we want to save and get started on our new life together before doing), I will definitely post pictures on either our Knot website or on the Knot and you can check them out! I know some of the other ladies who married Japanese men did the same thing. They all look gorgeous in their kimono!

keochan

I agree with the PP about the guest list and おめでとう!