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Too Young

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Re: Too Young

  • I was one a wedding forum no too long ago (not on TheKnot, mind you), and mentioned i was a student and AUTOMATICALLY I got a load of 'you're too young' comments. HAHAHAHA I'm fucking 27.

    But yeah, I definitely wasn't ready to get married at 19; I was too busy having one night stands with perfect strangers, drinking and being completely self-absorbed. My FI was still claiming to be bisexual at 19. 

    But that's not to say that NOBODY is ready to get married at 19. I've never met a person who was ready to get married at 19, but if you're one of them, that's great!
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  • My main issue is that people that call you out on your age typically aren't so mature themselves. My FI and I are getting married in two years. By the time I'll be walking down the aisle, I will have been teaching for two years and he'll have his CPA. On top of that, he has seen me through more hardship in our relationship now than some married couples have seen at age 30. I've found the one that I love and who loves me unconditionally, do people think that age really has anything to do with that? 
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  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    member

    Me and my FI have been engaged since we were 20 (a couple months before I turned 21), dating since we were 19 and friends since we were 17.  We are getting married on my 24th birthday. I turn 22 in a few months.  Even people who know that I'm not getting married for a few years think that we're getting married really young especially when they find out that we've been together since we were 19.  People even ask my FI why he would want to get married so young and how do we know that that person is "the one" if you've been together with no breakups since you were 19. The reason is simple we have grown together for several years, our relationship is built on friendship first. and honestly, who says you can't party with your Fiancé/ Husband. 

    Me and my FI still do all kinds of things that other  21 and 22 year old people do, we just do them together.  And we have been through a lot more together in our years of being together than some people encounter in twenty years if marriage.  We have moved across the country together, been through my parent's divorce and reconciliation, and his dad's passing, several medical issues, and honestly as long as you know that that person is going to be with you and that you are both willing to support each other through all of life, then no one can tell you that you are too young. The only reason me and FI are taking so long to get married is because of the fact that we are both in school right now, and we want to make sure we take the time to plan the wedding that we want. 

    You are only too young if you think you are.  I know many people who would never imagine themselves getting married in their teens and twenties and that's awesome, for them but I refuse to believe that you can't travel around the world, or party just because you are in a stable and committed relationship.  Sometimes that stuff is even better to do with the one you love.

     

                                               

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  • My parents have been together since 7th grade and got married the day after my dad turned 18. They are now in their mid-40s and still as in love as they've ever been. At this point in their lives, they've been married considerably longer than they haven't been married. I've seen how teen marriage can be successful.

    I was way too immature at 18. Even though they did it and were successful, I could not. Everyone is different. I thought I knew what I wanted, but I didn't (and boy am I glad a certain relationship fell through - my life would have been 100% different and I like where I am now). Now, at the age of 25, I'm ready. I will be 26 at the time of our wedding.

    My parents, having the experience they did, probably wouldn't have supported a marriage at 18 to that person anyway. They know what it takes and they could likely see that I didn't have it with him. I definitely like to think I would have listened or paid attention if they didn't support things, had they turned out different. I think that if your parents are supportive, there's a reason and if they're not, there's also a reason. They (presumably) know you very well and can tell more about your readiness than any random person. I know there's always exceptions to the rule, but if you generally have attentive and supportive parents and they do not support a young marriage, it's a sign that needs to be given the proper attention. Who am I to say if someone is or is not mature enough to marry?

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    "They say there's no such place... as Paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the Earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But, in spite of that... Why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me... It says, 'Search for Paradise.' " - Kiba, Wolf's Rain

  • I get that all the time! I am 19 and engaged, not married yet, but I still hear "Oh, but you're so young?" "why not wait?" and my FAVORITE, "You're too young, you don't know what you want yet." I suppose they (who barely know me) know better what I want to do for the rest of my life? Thanks for the 'concern' but I'm going to marry my Mr. Right because I love him and I can't wait to begin our life as a married couple.

     

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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited March 2014
    Hey you know what? Nobody can judge you and decide if you are ready. If it falls through because you weren't ready and your relationship ends, than that is your own  fault and a place for you to learn and grow. 
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  • I'm 23 and I still get the "too young" comment (probably because i'm a student?).

    I think the thing to keep in mind is that the people saying this know you in a different light, whether they knew you while you were growing up or they knew you while you were in school or did silly, childish things. It's difficult for them to push that image of you aside and accept you are taking the next big step in your life, especially if they're not ready to take a step like that themselves. 

    No one but you can decide when you're ready (if I had met my FI at your age, we would have been engaged sooner although probably partly because of the cultures we grew up with - serious, committed relationship or none at all). Just smile and tell them "Thanks for the concern. I know what I'm doing, I trust my judgement and I would appreciate your support if you choose to give it to me."

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  • I agree with you. For god's sake I'm older than you are (22), and people tell me I'm too young too. My thing is that my fiance and I decided to do a small wedding (20 people or less) and to do it once I'm done with school and we could move in together, not before then. As soon as they hear that its like a sigh of relief to the family. Really? You should really be excited for us and instead your worried about school or anything like that (not saying that school isn't important or that I'm gonna focus on the wedding more and my studies less). It getting really annoying after a while. There are some people that say they aren't ready for marriage, but who the hell cares about them? It's your life you live it the way you want to.
  • I read many comments on this board and I am very interested in why exactly some of you feel the need to be married at 16,17,18,19 even 20. (Not judgmental I am just curious).  I am curious because I am 25 and will be 26 when I get married next year.  At 16 I was having issues with a class at school and was worried I would not get into a nursing program,which was my dream at the time.  I was not at any point interested in being in a serious relationship.  I understand everyone says it's different for everyone but I really do not think so.  I mean yes everyone matures at different ages but the financial aspect and just the overall dynamic of a marriage will never change with age.  How are you able to afford a place to live renting or otherwise when your barely old enough to work? What about health insurance? How does it make you feel that you cannot even drink the champagne toast at your wedding as you are underage?  In many cases you cannot even sign the contract for your venue, photographer, DJ as you are not 18.  I understand more with the poster's who are over the age of 18 as I can see them being able to support themselves better at that age.  I am really interested in gaining some insight of how someone younger than the age of 18 is able to get married and live independently with their significant other.  Even if you are over the age of 18 how can you justify getting married before getting a college degree, or if education is not your thing, obtaining a stable job and saving money for the future when you have not been working for that long?
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  • I've read this entire thread, and since I work with college students I find the topic fascinating! I'm not trying to judge anyone, so I apologize in advance if my thoughts are judgmental, but I just wanted to provide some food for thought.

    The prefrontal cortex of the brain does not fully develop until about age 25. That part of the brain helps us make decisions, and gives reason to why many people in their teens and early twenties are impulsive and make "reckless" decisions like drinking alcohol, doing drugs, driving too fast, sleeping around, etc. Even though I agree everyone's 19 is different and couples grow together and change throughout life, I would say give your brain some time to grow a little more and make big, life-altering decisions when your brain has fully developed.

    On the other hand, society has been telling teenagers and early-twenty-somethings to pick their college majors and career paths at this age for years, so I'm not saying decisions can't be made at this stage in life. I'm not even saying to take my advice and wait. My 17-year-old niece got engaged to a 23-year-old two days after my engagement. I'm 29 and have been dating my fiance for seven years, so I was pretty shocked to hear her news as I was expecting my proposal and didn't even know she was dating (she has been with her husband for three months--they got married one month after the engagement at a courthouse). To be honest (and judgmental), I'm upset with her choice. However, her husband's mother is dying from liver cancer and has less than one month to live. My niece said they got married so her mother-in-law could see her son with a nice woman before she passes. I have no idea what her mother-in-law thinks about their marriage, but you never know what life may throw at you.

    In the end, as long as you are aware of your choices and take responsibility for them, you'll be fine. But what do I know :-) I wish you ladies well and again do not intend to pass judgment. I just hope everyone can be kind to themselves, especially during something as stressful as wedding planning :)
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I read many comments on this board and I am very interested in why exactly some of you feel the need to be married at 16,17,18,19 even 20. (Not judgmental I am just curious).  I am curious because I am 25 and will be 26 when I get married next year.  At 16 I was having issues with a class at school and was worried I would not get into a nursing program,which was my dream at the time.  I was not at any point interested in being in a serious relationship.  I understand everyone says it's different for everyone but I really do not think so.  I mean yes everyone matures at different ages but the financial aspect and just the overall dynamic of a marriage will never change with age.  How are you able to afford a place to live renting or otherwise when your barely old enough to work? 16, 17, 18 is not too young to work. I had a job at age 17 while still in high school that would have supported me. And if the person is married at that age, they have an additional income going toward the bills. What about health insurance? Oftentimes, this would be provided through a job. If in school, cheap insurance is available. And, up until Obamacare, no one had to have insurance. My family never had insurance throughout my growing up years. Even now, H and I do not have insurance because it is more economical for us to not have insurance, pay the penalties and pay out of pocket for injuries than to pay hundreds of dollars each month for insurance we probably will not use. How does it make you feel that you cannot even drink the champagne toast at your wedding as you are underage?  Probably these underage brides do not have alcohol at their weddings. Many people of all ages choose to have dry weddings and/or do not drink for many reasons including religion, bad prior experiences with alcohol, alcoholics in the family or simply disliking alcohol.  In many cases you cannot even sign the contract for your venue, photographer, DJ as you are not 18.  I understand more with the poster's who are over the age of 18 as I can see them being able to support themselves better at that age.  I am really interested in gaining some insight of how someone younger than the age of 18 is able to get married and live independently with their significant other.  Even if you are over the age of 18 how can you justify getting married before getting a college degree, or if education is not your thing, obtaining a stable job and saving money for the future when you have not been working for that long? Many of these brides will go to college while married. In fact, I have friends who are so glad they got married while in college. Until you are either 21 or 25 (not sure which) the FAFSA looks at your parent's tax information to determine how much loan money you might need. If you are married, they look at you and your spouse's. It makes it much easier to get financial aid (please note, I am not advocating getting married just for the financial benefits.)  Also, I know plenty of young people, married and unmarried, without college who have steady stable jobs with room for advancement. It's all in finding those. 

    I really don't understand your point of this question. How is a young married person "obtaining a stable job and saving money for the future when you have not been working that long" any different from a young single person doing the same thing?  If anything, I would think it'd be easier for a married couple because they have two incomes going toward rent, utilities, bills, etc. rather than just one.
    @dianammobilio You should PM @KnotPorscha and have her change your username to something that's not your real name. I just found your wedding registries, wedding website, Facebook, LinkedIn and your fiance's LinkedIn in less than five minutes of googling.

    I hope the answers above helped answer some of your questions! I did get married during college and I think it was a good decision, although I am not as young as these ages you're talking about.

  •  
    bananasplit472001said:
    I read many comments on this board and I am very interested in why exactly some of you feel the need to be married at 16,17,18,19 even 20. (Not judgmental I am just curious).  I am curious because I am 25 and will be 26 when I get married next year.  At 16 I was having issues with a class at school and was worried I would not get into a nursing program,which was my dream at the time.  I was not at any point interested in being in a serious relationship.  I understand everyone says it's different for everyone but I really do not think so.  I mean yes everyone matures at different ages but the financial aspect and just the overall dynamic of a marriage will never change with age.  How are you able to afford a place to live renting or otherwise when your barely old enough to work? 16, 17, 18 is not too young to work. I had a job at age 17 while still in high school that would have supported me. And if the person is married at that age, they have an additional income going toward the bills. What about health insurance? Oftentimes, this would be provided through a job. If in school, cheap insurance is available. And, up until Obamacare, no one had to have insurance. My family never had insurance throughout my growing up years. Even now, H and I do not have insurance because it is more economical for us to not have insurance, pay the penalties and pay out of pocket for injuries than to pay hundreds of dollars each month for insurance we probably will not use. How does it make you feel that you cannot even drink the champagne toast at your wedding as you are underage?  Probably these underage brides do not have alcohol at their weddings. Many people of all ages choose to have dry weddings and/or do not drink for many reasons including religion, bad prior experiences with alcohol, alcoholics in the family or simply disliking alcohol.  In many cases you cannot even sign the contract for your venue, photographer, DJ as you are not 18.  I understand more with the poster's who are over the age of 18 as I can see them being able to support themselves better at that age.  I am really interested in gaining some insight of how someone younger than the age of 18 is able to get married and live independently with their significant other.  Even if you are over the age of 18 how can you justify getting married before getting a college degree, or if education is not your thing, obtaining a stable job and saving money for the future when you have not been working for that long? Many of these brides will go to college while married. In fact, I have friends who are so glad they got married while in college. Until you are either 21 or 25 (not sure which) the FAFSA looks at your parent's tax information to determine how much loan money you might need. If you are married, they look at you and your spouse's. It makes it much easier to get financial aid (please note, I am not advocating getting married just for the financial benefits.)  Also, I know plenty of young people, married and unmarried, without college who have steady stable jobs with room for advancement. It's all in finding those. 

    I really don't understand your point of this question. How is a young married person "obtaining a stable job and saving money for the future when you have not been working that long" any different from a young single person doing the same thing?  If anything, I would think it'd be easier for a married couple because they have two incomes going toward rent, utilities, bills, etc. rather than just one.
    bananasplit472001 You should PM @KnotPorscha and have her change your username to something that's not your real name. I just found your wedding registries, wedding website, Facebook, LinkedIn and your fiance's LinkedIn in less than five minutes of googling.

    I hope the answers above helped answer some of your questions! I did get married during college and I think it was a good decision, although I am not as young as these ages you're talking about.
    I have actually been trying to change my name for several days.  It just went through now but thanks for the heads up.
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  • grizzly04grizzly04
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    member
    edited August 2014
    My mom married my dad when she was 19 and he was 24. She already had her B.A. (she is a walking encyclopedia) and my dad had his career in the Army. They have been married for 25 years. They had all the odds against them, between my mom not speaking English well, being from a different country, different religions, etc. and on top of that the military. But, they made it work. Now, my husbands parents married both at nineteen and before their two year anniversary they were divorced with a nine month old baby. So...you have to look at the maturity level of people and how much work you are willing to put into your marriage. I just turned 22 when I married by husband, I was still going to school but he already had been a career fireman for a few years. We owned our own house and paid our own bills. No one had the right to say that we were "too young" because we had are crap together a hell of a lot better compared to the people who were judging us. I would not advice entering into a marriage without a leg to stand on, but I do advice that you seriously think about every choice as well.
  • I understand your concern and it's hard to see their side. I was 21 the first time I got married... Now at 31 looking back I am 100% different then I was that young. I think that is why people say it they know how much changing people do in their lives mentaly,career, and schoolwise from 18-25. Plus I think the common joke is you arent even old enough to drink your own wedding ;) Try not to take it to hard and expect it to come. Like other posters have said it is a little out of the norm but it's up to you and if you know you know.
  • edited September 2014
    Oh my gosh girl I totally understand. I am 19 and getting married next May. I have always felt older my age. I graduated high school early, graduated with a two year degree when my peers were graduating high school and now I'm getting married. It's hard to block out the judgments that people make at times but I know that I am ready to get married. Marriage is a lifetime thing for me and I take it extremely seriously. After 2 years of dating we felt that we were ready for that step. Most people have been surprisingly excited. I even got some "wow I thought he would never ask" comments. Just do your thing. If you are ready to commit to, love, and promise to do life with this person- marry them. Everyone is on a different path:) I think that if you're ready, marrying young is really cool because you are able to grow up together. :)
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