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Destination Wedding..Bridal Shower?

stefaniewattiestefaniewattie member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I am my best friends MOH for her upcoming destination wedding. I always believed it was inappropriate/against etiqutte to have a bridal shower if you are having a destination wedding, simply because you should only be inviting people to the shower that were invited to the wedding, and in a destination weddings case the people that are coming to the wedding shouldnt be expected to also give a shower gift when theyre already spending large amounts of money to attend the wdding in the first place.
So with this frame of mind, I never intended on throwing her a shower, even aside from all the etiquette reasons, I'm not willing to spend more money on throwing a shower (especially when I think its rude in the first place) and then a shower gift when I'm already spending so much to go to the wedding, dress, shoes etc.
I assumed she knew that it wasnt proper to have a shower when you have a destination wedding, but shes been pinning lots of shower ideas to her wedding board & made comments about how "this would be cute for the shower" So, I get the impression that she is expecting one.
So my question is...am I in the right here? and if I am... what would you say to her?

Thanks in advance!
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Re: Destination Wedding..Bridal Shower?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Let her pin all she wants.  If you do not feel comfortable throwing her a shower then you do not have to throw her a shower.  If she brings up the topic of a bridal shower again I would just make your answer short and sweet and say that due to the finances being spent to attend her wedding you just cannot manage a shower.  Leave it at that.  If someone else offers to throw her one, great.  But do not feel bad for one second for not throwing one for her.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    She might be expecting one, but that doesn't mean you have to host one!




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • cbrown828cbrown828 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    What Retread said.
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  • stareyes59stareyes59 member
    First Comment First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I am having a destination wedding and am hosting only 30 people. I was very clear to my mother, friends and anyone who may have been interested in throwing me a shower , that I was highly uncomfortable having one. Personally I hate bridal showers (sorry every bride of every shower I've ever been too), and like you said not everyone we know is invited to the wedding. I agree with your reservations. I wish I had advice on how to break it to the bride! Good Luck!
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  • pbi9994pbi9994 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    NYU, that's a really judgmental way of looking at destination weddings. Some of us simply can't afford to get married in the cities where we live. I personally care about my guests enough that I would rather spend my money throwing them a great party out of the country than a cheap tacky one at the only place I could afford in my neighborhood.

    OP, you certainly don't have to give her a shower. If you are a close friend, certainly let her know the financial constraints she is putting her guests through, but try to keep an open mind if someone else wants to throw her one. My Aunts would flip their shit if I said no shower because it's a destination wedding. For all you know, her family might be all in for it.

    Also, FYI there is a destination weddings board, and it might be helpful to get advice over there.
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  • pbi9994pbi9994 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    It didn't say anywhere that the people attending the shower are not invited to the wedding. If that's the case, then yes - that's rude. I only got the impression that the bride wants a shower. Obviously the guests would have to come from the wedding guest list. That's not rude. That's fine. No one is under obligation to throw her one, but there is nothing rude about inviting wedding guests to a shower regardless of location.
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  • stefaniewattiestefaniewattie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I decided that I wont be throwing a shower. I would not feel comfortable inviting people that are not attending the wedding, and even those that are attending the wedding I would still feel uncomfortable, it would be like shes saying "I know your already spending almost as much to attend my wedding as you spent on your own, but can you get me a blender too" There's nothing saying that people can't get them wedding gifts still, but I think asking for it is rude, and that's what a shower is.
    Thanks for all your responses.
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