Had to change to a smaller venue. how to word 2nd reception invitation

adrienneehawkins

Me and my FI planned on one Venue (even paid for) so we sent out save the dates. then a week later due to unforseen circomstances (all hotels in the area being complete booked 7 months out) we had to get our money back and get a new venue, which is unfortunatly a lot smaller. So the wedding we planned for 150 guests will have to be cut down to at least 100. We are thinking about having somthing like a 2nd reception the next day for all the people we want there but unfortunatly cant be invited to the actual wedding. Its going to be a nice potluck bbq (most food provided by us) with booze and music included. Is this incredibly rude? how should I word these invitations?

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/2nd-reception-to-curb-uninvited-guests#ixzz2UFCunYVw

FizzySips

This is a very tough situation, but I don't think the 2nd reception will have the intended effect. People will still be hurt that they didn't make the cut and get to attend the "real" reception.

Is (yet) another venue an option? I would serioulsy pursue a venue that can hold all attendees who received Save the Dates.

Bird Lady

I would be offended to have received an STD and then be told I was uninvited to the actual ceremony and reception, but I could bring a dish to pass to celebrate the next day. 

I also don't understand why you are booking a smaller venue because all the hotels are booked? Did you change the date as well? And if you didn't change the date and just moved it to a smaller venue, won't your guests still have a hard time finding accommodations if they are invited to the reception or this second celebration?  

libby2483

Yes, this is incredibly rude.  There is no proper way to word an invitation for a consolation prize reception.  There really isn't an ideal option here, but if you can't accommodate everyone you originally invited, @Liatris2010 has good advice.  I would still be hurt if I found out I was one of the 50 guests not invited to the rescheduled wedding, though.

misshart00

Bird Lady said:

I would be offended to have received an STD and then be told I was uninvited to the actual ceremony and reception, but I could bring a dish to pass to celebrate the next day. 

I also don't understand why you are booking a smaller venue because all the hotels are booked? Did you change the date as well? And if you didn't change the date and just moved it to a smaller venue, won't your guests still have a hard time finding accommodations if they are invited to the reception or this second celebration?  

All of this.  Why did you change to a smaller venue if you had already sent out save the dates? This is why I think save the dates are sometimes a bad idea.

itzMS

I was uninvited to a wedding just last month due to circumstances similar to yours.

Everyone was understandably pissed at the couple for being so rude. None of us have talked to the bride or groom since.

Change your wedding date.

Kate61487

Liatris2010 said:

Yes it is incredibly rude to uninvite them. You should send out postcards that say "The wedding of Adrienne & FI" will not take place as planned, and then send invites to the 100 people who are still invited.

Do not have a second consolation prize reception and do not have a potluck anything. When you invite people to do something, you are responsible for providing food and beverage that is appropriate for the time of day. If you can't afford dinner for 100 people, have an afternoon cake and coffee reception. Do not ask guests to bring their own dinner.

ditto Lia

AJuliaNJ

Liatris2010 said:

Yes it is incredibly rude to uninvite them. You should send out postcards that say "The wedding of Adrienne & FI" will not take place as planned, and then send invites to the 100 people who are still invited.

Do not have a second consolation prize reception and do not have a potluck anything. When you invite people to do something, you are responsible for providing food and beverage that is appropriate for the time of day. If you can't afford dinner for 100 people, have an afternoon cake and coffee reception. Do not ask guests to bring their own dinner.

I agree, but I feel like the new wedding would have to take place at least a year later. I would be incredibly insulted if I received a notice saying the wedding wasn't going off as planned, and then I found out it was just at a different location on the same day and I wasn't invited. I think OP's first priority is to find a venue that could hold everyone who received a STD. 

tinambride

Tough situation. I'm sure you're disappointed that your original venue has fallen through. I'm usually very understanding of different people's perspectives on etiquette situations, but I have to say uninviting guests is one thing that I just don't think you can do (although I doubt I'd stop talking to someone or end a friendship over it). Is there any other option? Perhaps there's an outdoor venue and you could have catering brought in? I also don't completely understand if you're changing your location completely or if you've changed the date. The only way I can see uninviting people would be to change your plans to a private wedding/reception (family only). In this situation I would send out a note saying the the wedding has been called off and you are having an informal, personal ceremony only. I doubt you want to do this so I'd start looking at completely different locations.

Simply Fated

There is more info on the wedding bee...

"We got engaged december 24th 2012 our wedding is August 3rd 2013 (not much planning time). We originally did have a large venue in New Meadows ID, booked and paid for in february. then we sent out the save the dates begining of march. We then started to get calls from reletives trying to book hotels that they are all booked (looked into and varified) So we moved the wedding to boise but have to keep it on the same day (STD's already sent out/sister leaving for college) The only venue that was open that day and in our budget (total $2500) said that it held 150 people so we booked (like i said only one available in our budget) Once I actually got to look at it, It is absolutly beautiful but will not comfortably fit 150 people. We are using the location for ceremony and reception. Since i can not back out now as the wedding is less than 3 months away, I was thinking that instead of just not inviting them (as would be the only other option) having a 2nd reception would be a good alternative. I am really having trouble on wording and would love help

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/2nd-reception-to-curb-uninvited-guests#ixzz2UFZ6zgtc

"

Hun, there is no way to disinvite people or basically invite them to the Consolation Party with hopes it will all go over well. Some people will understand, others won't. Everyone here AND over at the wedding bee (thus far) has told you they wouldn't like it. That's your answer.

AddieCake

Adrienne, you should make a new account that does not include your full name as your username. There are crazies on the interwebz. 

Kate61487

If the venue says they hold 150 I'm sure it does; you just need to adjust to whatever setup they use with that many people.  If that means  long tables instead of rounds or not having a dance floor so be it.  You might get enough declines to be down where you could put the room back the way you liked, but at least you'd know you COULD fit everyone and you're not offending friends/family by uninviting them (consolation party or no, they ARE being uninvited and that sucks)

wrigleyville

If it says it holds 150, invite all 150. As Kate said, the venue will know the best configuration for this. 

Additionally, even though I wouldn't plan on this, some people might decline and you could end up with 130-140 people, leaving you even more room.

Don't have a consolation party the next day, and don't uninvite people. Give people the new information ASAP so they can start making travel plans and you can start handling RSVPs. You still have plenty of time to make that all happen.

Dreamergirl8812

OP please tell me you are heeding the advice of your fellow knotties. No wording is going to fix this problem. You need to invite everyone who received an STD. The fact that you changed cities means some people will not attend (not that you can necessarily rely on that but still).

Anastasia517

Kate61487 said:

If the venue says they hold 150 I'm sure it does; you just need to adjust to whatever setup they use with that many people.  If that means  long tables instead of rounds or not having a dance floor so be it.  You might get enough declines to be down where you could put the room back the way you liked, but at least you'd know you COULD fit everyone and you're not offending friends/family by uninviting them (consolation party or no, they ARE being uninvited and that sucks)

All of this.  You may have to change plans a bit, but you can not revoke invitations.  If they advertised that they can fit 150 people, they have to be able to fit that under fire regulations and so on.  Like PP said, it may mean no dancing or no round tables, but that's something you will have to accept.

MuppetFan

I'll just cut and paste what I said to you on WeddingBee:

The reason you are having trouble wording it is because it's a bad idea and it's tacky. There's no way to make it sound nice.

I agree with pp's. Change the nature of your wedding to accommodate everyone cocktail style or champagne and cake for your wedding day. 

If you want to provide a meal for your closest family, extend your rehearsal dinner to include more of those folks.

SomethingBeautiful08

OP heed the advice of others.  What you are planing is rude.  If the venue says it can hold 150, it can, you just need to figure out how.  Please don't let a dance floor, an extra table or room, even a sit down dinner versus a cake & punch reception prompt you to do something that will likely tick off 1/3 of the people that you and your FH call your nearest and dearest.  It isn't worth it.

Psych819

Kate61487 said:

If the venue says they hold 150 I'm sure it does; you just need to adjust to whatever setup they use with that many people.  If that means  long tables instead of rounds or not having a dance floor so be it.  You might get enough declines to be down where you could put the room back the way you liked, but at least you'd know you COULD fit everyone and you're not offending friends/family by uninviting them (consolation party or no, they ARE being uninvited and that sucks)

I agree with this completely. The venue says they can accommodate 150, trust them to do so. Also, people may have requested time off, etc. Having them come the next day may not be accommodating to the guests you moved to the next day.

adrienneehawkins

Sorry I didn't elaborate My wedding was originally going to be in my home town, New Meadows ID. after we sent out the STD We then started to get call from relatives stating all hotels in the area were booked. Further research proved that there were several other large events that weekend. So we moved the wedding to my FI home town of Boise on the same day. The only venue we could find that was open that day and in our budget was the smaller venue. it said on the website that it could hold 150 people but after further inspection I believe it would be way too crowded. We have to keep the wedding on the 3rd of august due to other weddings and my sister leaving for college. Also we do not have the money or time to switch the venue as the wedding is in just 2 months

jlm9113

I know I'd be SUPER excited to get invited to the consolation reception.

ETA: Especially when I'm basically providing my own meal.

aurianna

If you are 100% sure the venue won't fit 150 people seated, and you are 100% deadset on using that venue (like it's non-refundable), while still not ideal, I think the best you could do would be send out notices that the wedding will not be taking place as planned and then only invite immediate family and their SOs to the new location. While those uninvited might still be hurt, it's probably easier to swallow if there was a city change and it changed to a private wedding (I know I'd be much less hurt to be uninvited if everyone was uninvited, vs just being one of the bottom 33% uninvited)

But I do agree with previous posters that it would be better to find a venue that holds everyone or change the date completely.

ETA:
And obviously I do not think you should have a second reception (especially potluck).

southernbelle0915

Ditto PP. No potlucks and no "2nd receptions" (it's the epitome of a B-list guest and announcing publicly that they are one - ouch!). It's nice that you still want to include everyone, but you have better options. 

Look into city parks - sometimes renting a covered picnic area is about $50. If you CANNOT change your venue, do banquet tables and/or eliminate any space you might be leaving for a dance floor/cocktail hour/etc. Having a seat for everyone is more important than anything. Check out pintrest for ideas on set up, there are a lot of cute ways to take advantage of small spaces.