Thank You Note for Belligerent Guest

stantokm

At my wedding last weekend, an old friend who I don't see very often now got VERY drunk.  He insulted several of my family members, broke a wine glass on purpose, and actually kicked my husband in the butt (which he barely felt since the guy was too drunk to hurt anything).  Then he was escorted out by some tall family members.

He has a history of being an obnoxious drunk, but the last few times I've seen him, he's been fine; and even during those obnoxious drunk times, he's always been nice to me.  If I thought that he'd be a problem, I wouldn't have invited him.  His girlfriend, who is usually a calming influence on him, apologized profusely (and it was when she was trying to get him out of there that he said inappropriate things and kicked my husband).  He hasn't apologized and I don't know if he will.

So.  They gave us a wedding gift.  How do I write the thank you note?

misssunshine17

I'd keep it short and sweet. I wouldn't thank them for attending, since I'm spiteful like that. 

Dear XYZ & GF, 

Thank you so much for for your gift of XYZ. We plan to use it to make XYZ/save it for a deposit on a home blah blah. 

Love, 

Stant & Mr. 

kerbohl

I would just write it normal.  Make no mention of anything, and they are probably the ones that will feel horrible with the memory of how he acted at your wedding.  I don't think you are going to be able to force him to apologize by using your thank you note, and his girlfriend already apologized for him - that might be the best you get. 

manateehugger

I'm sorry this person caused such a horrible ruckus at your wedding. 

But honestly, I'd personally just write the the thank you note as I normally would. A thank you note isn't the place to passive-aggressively chastise this guy for his horrible behavior. And an angry thank you note isn't likely to make this guy apologize. 

If you feel that strongly, just don't write the note; I don't think I'd do this, but it's better than sending a bizarre angry one IMO. Better yet, assuming you're close enough to him, be an adult and call him up to explain how you feel about his behavior (though I'd do this on a personal level, not a wedding-level if you know what I mean). 

ETA: You said "they" gave you a gift. I'm assuming you mean this guy and his GF. Since she apologized, just write a normal thank you note. Don't punish her for it. 

artbyallie

Dear Drunk and Girlfriend,

Thank you for the lovely ___. We look forward to (using it for whatever its intended use is).

Love,

Mr. and Mrs. standtokm

I would probably not even mention them being at the wedding, honestly. There's no way to thank them for being there that would not be insincere at best.

stantokm

Thanks for the responses.  I wasn't going to try to get an apology out of him through the thank you note--I was just trying to give as much background information as possible.  If he had apologized, or if I thought he had any intention of it, it would be easier to write the thank you.  Normally, I'd write something like, "I hope that you had fun at the wedding" or "I'm sorry that I didn't get to spend more time talking to you" but I think that normal platitudes like that would come off as passive-aggressive or insincere...since it would be insincere.

But thank you!  I think I'll probably do something like misssunshine suggested.

Peledreamsofrain

PP gave you good advice.  I just wanted to add that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't even want to be around this person long enough for an apology.  How uncomfortable and awkward.  He's wasted enough of your time.

misssunshine17

I just have to add, good for you for being level headed about it and not acting like it ruined your wedding. We get a lot of that around here. 

Dreamer5077

Simply thank them for the lovely whatever it was. Add nothing else.

annmarie714

Sounds like your friend may have an alcohol problem.

cmclaire

I'm with the PPs - civil and cordial.

colleengilhooly

I don't have much to offer about what it should say, but please write one. I was roofied at a close friend's wedding (my FI was the best man) and obviously don't remember any of the evening. Luckily I was ok, but everyone just thought I was really really drunk. My FI informed the bride and groom about what happened after our early morning trip to the ER but we never got a thank you note for our gift. Its been over a year and I still feel bad every time we see them. A thank you note would have at least given me some closure that I didn't ruin their night completely.

[Deleted User]

colleengilhooly said:

I don't have much to offer about what it should say, but please write one. I was roofied at a close friend's wedding (my FI was the best man) and obviously don't remember any of the evening. Luckily I was ok, but everyone just thought I was really really drunk. My FI informed the bride and groom about what happened after our early morning trip to the ER but we never got a thank you note for our gift. Its been over a year and I still feel bad every time we see them. A thank you note would have at least given me some closure that I didn't ruin their night completely.

What the shit? Did you ever figure out who did it? That is unbelievable.

theretamaragoes

Two wrongs don't make a right. This guy is a total buffoon... But, he and his girlfriend DID give a gift, and so etiquette demands that you send a thank you card. Even if it is a very simple, to the point, card. Be the bigger person

stantokm

Wow, I'm definitely sending a thank you card.  I never had any intention of not doing so.