NWR: A Word About Acceptance

MikesAngie

Being a step-child, a step-parent, step-sister, an Aunt, a friend and a neighbor; I have learned one thing,and it's important. Accept those who are in your life for who they are regardless of their beliefs, orientation, skin color, size and you will be much happier.  Do not worry about the judgments of others, they have their own lessons to learn and they have not learned to love and accept themselves so how could they accept or love someone else? 

There have been many discussions about step-children on this board and rightfully so, but let us all remember that they are people and life is molding them just as it is molding us.  Instead of judging a child aid them to grow, develop and love themselves for who they are, not for who someone else wants them to be.  Some choices are made due to outside influences and some are due to genetics. Acceptance and love of those around you is a personal choice and not always easy but in the long run you will gain peace. 

The word "step" isn't used in our family, I am my Mother's daughter as my daughter is mine... just because there is not a biological connection does not mean the love is any less. 

*steps off of her soap box* 

ETA "step-sister"

Sue-n-Kevin

Nice words Angie. My kids have "steps" on either side, I now have "steps" after our wedding. I am my husband's 3rd wife, and he had kids with the other 2, so there are "steps" there too.

Off topic a bit: The thing that has been amazing to me is how many of my kid's friends are still married to their original spouse. Not to generalize, but maybe it's because we live in a blue collar area in metro Detroit and people just stay married??? Of my son's closest friends, none of the parents have divorced. For my daughter, I think she only had one friend in her circle during all the years, and she's 18. They were sort of "different" in their circle of friends, but luckily weren't made to feel different, and we all were accepted. When they've had issues with "steps", whether step siblings or step parents, they had nowhere to go but me for advice.

 

Jells2dot0

I'm a child of divorce, and I have "step" daughters, but do not have any children of my own. I guage my behaviors and interactions with them and around them based on their level of comfort with me. I call the youngest "my daughter" often as she is comfortable with that. If I did that to the older one, she would be beyond mad and accuse me of being something that am not. It doesn't mean I care any less, but I just have to keep it to myself. There are SO MANY different variations of family nowadays that it's hard to judge someone else on their situation because there may not be anyone who can relate. I know I personally have had some conflicting feelings about my "step" daughters, and vice versa, and things have NOT been easy and I've said things that may have hurt them if hey heard it, but also vice versa. I believe that posting on here and sharing our feelings helps our feelings and emotions around blended families evolve into what we hope our relationships should be.