the straw that broke MY back

marissaanne27

I am going to try to make this as short as possible. My FI and I have been together for 5 years and engaged 2 years and have had our wedding date for a 1 yr and a 1/2. Over the years I have had my ups and downs with his family but his one aunt has always stuck by my side and help me through it. Her nine year old daughter is in our wedding. I thought nothing of it when we asked her and did not realize the long road I was about to endure.

This aunt has done nothing but cause unnecessary drama. She complains about every decision I make involving her daughter, usually how she can't afford something, but on facebook she has enough money to go to six flags, baseball games, purse parties,etc. She knows that my MIL and I have had a rocky relationship and she will call and get her involved in the nonsense causing an argument between my MIL and I. For a while I would just let things go because we had so much time until the wedding. Recently, however, I have been putting my foot down because the wedding is a month away.

The straw that broke my back... My mother is throwing the shower on my side. My FI aunts, uncles, and mom are throwing it on his. This particular drama filled aunt insisted on being in charge of the group. She has done nothing but drag her feet with everything. I am trying to be grateful but I am upset for my FI. Today the guest received the shower invitations all my friends, family, and bridesmaids started texting me like crazy. She spelled my name wrong!!!! Marrisa it's spelled Marissa. Now I know this could be a careless over sight and I should just laugh it off but I just can't. To make matters worse The picture they used for the invitations she took off of facebook where my name is spelled. I am pissed, upset, hurt, everything under the sun and I am tired of being the bigger person for my wedding. My FI is upset but he's a guy. He thinks we should just response to her apology text with "it's ok". I want her to know how upset I am.

I'm sorry this is more of a vent then a question. Just needing someone to be on my side.

OliveOilsMom

marissaanne27 said:

I am going to try to make this as short as possible. My FI and I have been together for 5 years and engaged 2 years and have had our wedding date for a 1 yr and a 1/2. Over the years I have had my ups and downs with his family but his one aunt has always stuck by my side and help me through it. Her nine year old daughter is in our wedding. I thought nothing of it when we asked her and did not realize the long road I was about to endure.

This aunt has done nothing but cause unnecessary drama. She complains about every decision I make involving her daughter, usually how she can't afford something, but on facebook she has enough money to go to six flags, baseball games, purse parties,etc. She knows that my MIL and I have had a rocky relationship and she will call and get her involved in the nonsense causing an argument between my MIL and I. For a while I would just let things go because we had so much time until the wedding. Recently, however, I have been putting my foot down because the wedding is a month away.

The straw that broke my back... My mother is throwing the shower on my side. My FI aunts, uncles, and mom are throwing it on his. This particular drama filled aunt insisted on being in charge of the group. She has done nothing but drag her feet with everything. I am trying to be grateful but I am upset for my FI. Today the guest received the shower invitations all my friends, family, and bridesmaids started texting me like crazy. She spelled my name wrong!!!! Marrisa it's spelled Marissa. Now I know this could be a careless over sight and I should just laugh it off but I just can't. To make matters worse The picture they used for the invitations she took off of facebook where my name is spelled. I am pissed, upset, hurt, everything under the sun and I am tired of being the bigger person for my wedding. My FI is upset but he's a guy. He thinks we should just response to her apology text with "it's ok". I want her to know how upset I am.

I'm sorry this is more of a vent then a question. Just needing someone to be on my side.

How does your FI act when you and his mom have an argument?  Your FI should be sticking up for you with his family.  Even now, with him just wanting to send his aunt and "it's ok" text shows that he doesn't care that his family treats you badly.  This is a FI problem.

In terms of her daughter's involvement in your wedding.  She is 9 and her mother does get a huge say in how she is dressed and what she partakes in.  Did you ask for the aunt's budget regarding the 9 year old's dress?  And how aunt spends her money is none of your business.  I would rather go to 6 flags than buy a BM dress, wouldn't you?  You have to remember that no one is going to prioritize or be more excited for your wedding day than you and FI are.

I'm sorry about the misspelled name on the shower invitation (my name is commonly misspelled).  It could have been a simple mistake on her part.  Maybe it was on purpose, you will never know.  But how your FI deals with it should be an example of how you will be treated for the rest of your life by him in terms of his family.  My MIL decided to stop at the bar where I was having my birthday celebration.  It promptly halted all the fun.  She left pretty quickly, but you better believe that the next day, H (FI at the time) went over to his mom's house and told her how inappropriate her actions were.  His brother happened to be over too and even he said that mom went too far.  Your FI should never be afraid to stand up for you to his family.

Weezy56

1. How she spends her money is none of you business. Did you ask her for her budget before picking out a dress for her daughter? She should not have to skimp on other things she wants to spend money on just because you are getting married.

2. I do agree that she shouldn't be stirring the pot with your MIL

3. I would be irritated as well with the name spelling on the invitation, but it's not anything I would lose sleep over. I have a name that is also commonly mispelled, even when people are commenting on my actual Facebook. I'm sure I have also done the same to other people before without realizing it. Also, you said she apologized. What more do you want?

4. If your MIL (or anyone on his side of the family) is treating you poorly then your Fiance needs to stand up to them.

MairePoppy

Let's start here: What are you asking the aunt to buy for her daughter, for your wedding? The only requirement should be a dress and the mother should have been asked for a budget. Additionally, the dress should be age appropriate. You should not be monitoring how anyone else spends their money.

My first name is frequently misspelled. I have never taken that as an intentional insult. Your husband's aunt should have proofread the invitation. It was a foolish error and she's apologized. You should accept her apology. What else can she do to make it better? If your friends and family hadn't made a big deal of it, you wouldn't even be aware of the mistake. Let it go.

Your Fi should handle the problem with his mother. He should tell her that she should treat the woman that he loves with respect because the two of you are a package deal. Otherwise, she won't be seeing much of either of you. You should remain polite towards her. If she tries to start an argument with you, leave or hang up. Your FILs can't make you unhappy, unless you allow it.