Guest List Problems

jld08d

I have a very large family and my fiancee has an averaged sized one, so combined we easily had 100 guests before adding any of our own friends or parents' friends. To cut down I proposed an 18+ rule (which other members of my family have already done for their weddings). My fiancee agreed, since that took off about 25 people from our list and neither of us was keen on the idea of young kids running around. 

So we made an early guest list and worked our budget around it. When I started compiling addresses I noticed he/his family had added a few cousins. I asked him about it and he said he made it clear to his family that we weren't having anyone under 18. Being that he is the oldest on his side of the family (at 24) I was a little worried since if my extended family saw other kids there they would be upset that their own children had not been invited. I decided to look for them on Facebook to see if they would in fact be 18 within the next year. I found at least 3 of them who are 15 or younger. Granted they aren't 4 and won't be running wild during the ceremony, but I'm hurt that my fiancee and or his family ignored a restriction that we all agreed upon a month ago. 

Do I stand my ground and tell them to take the kids off or just suck it up and invite all of my younger family members also? 

Wzz

you have a lot of assumptions in your post: what makes an "average" sized family, only people under the age of 18 can run around crazy, 100 people being a fairly large wedidng, and so on and so forth.

if you can only afford a wedding made up of 100 people, then children of relatives, regardless of age, would make a good rule. however, if you or your fiance have a special relationship with some of these people, it might not work for you. this isn't a black and white rule. you guys have to agree on criteria for cutting people and stick with it, and the criteria needs to actually work for you guys.

i personally don't care if it is or isn't an adult only wedding. but the logic you have going is off. what if a couple has an 18 year old and a 17 year old. does this mean they are allowed to bring one of their children, but the other has to stay home? i also don't think being 18 automatically makes someone mature enough to handle a wedding as a single guest, but that's a whole other ball of rubber bands.

anyway. if you have room in your budget for 100 people, you need to figure out how to cut people. you don't need to have equal numbers on either side, but you have to at least agree on reasons why some are invited and others aren't. good luck.

ambermarie089

I think if your fiance agreed to 18 and over then it's his responsibility to ensure that everyone on his family's list is actually over 18. While I agree that you can't guarantee that over 18 means guests will be mature and responsible, you do have to draw a line somewhere and 18 or 21 would be the logical cutoff.  Plus it's just asking for drama when some of your family who had to leave their teenagers at home see the teenagers on your fiances side. I think you should stand your ground. Either only 18 and up is invited or you lower the age and invite everyone on both sides of the family above that age.