How to not include registry info? Help!!

BlondieBia21

After researching through these posts, I've learned something I've never known. I did not know that you weren't supposed to include registry information! I can only count one invitation that we did not receive registry info included with the invite. (And everyone thought SHE was doing it wrong, when in reality the way she phrased her reasoning for not wanting the registry was the worst part, foot in mouth moment and a whole different story!) So I must ask as I am learning all of this, how do I properly explain to my MIL who WANTS the registry information with the invitations that it is not something you're supposed to do? I tried to explain it as I didn't want to seem gift grabby (I even through in there that we had just had a baby shower 5 months before our wedding, too. We don't need to advertise that OOOH here we are looking for more gifts!) She is "appalled" that we wouldn't attach the registry information and saying it is a huge inconvenience for people. She is paying for majority of everything (not my choice!!) and is practically demanding that we include the registry info. I explained that we can include it on our wedding website and she says that that is still making people go out of their way when they are just wanting to be generous and that some guests don't even know how to access the internet. (Like, 2 people.) Help!!

Blue_Bird

How is it "not your choice" for your mother in law to pay? If you don't want her to pay, simply discuss it with your fiance and decline.

That's besides the point though. You don't have to explain anything to her. It sounds like you've already tried, and she won't understand, so just mail out the invitations the way you want to, and give out the registry information the way you want to. Don't discuss it with her. Why has your fiance not chimed in? It sounds like she's very overbearing, and if he hasn't said a word, it sounds like some ugly foreshadowing. :-(

jessicabessica

Are you registering at fairly typical stores?  Tell her that people will know where to look, and you (and her, and your parents, etc.) will be happy to tell guests that ask.  I would stress the baby shower issue and how you are so overwhelmed by the generosity from the shower so recently that you don't want to put any emphasis on gifts.  Don't make it about what etiquette says and try to tell her she's rude, just explain how it works in your situation.  

Also, is your FI on your side?  Is he helping you talk to her?  He should be. 

MyNameIsNot

Tell her that it's rude and you aren't going to knowingly be rude to guests.  Any reputable etiquette book will back you up.  (Try Miss Manners).  

How is it possible that she can be paying against your will?  If it is against your FI's will as well, you're setting a precedent to let her run your marriage.  If it's with his blessing, you're setting precedent that he will choose her over you.  Neither of those are good things.  If you don't want her money, you need to stop it now.  Her trying to force you to do something you don't want to do is not going to end with the invitations.  

SwimGuppy

My MOH wanted to include it, so I told her that it's a big no-no according to Emily Post, and I didn't want the etiquette police after us.

BlondieBia21

Thank you for all your replies. I have better knowledge of how to handle this. 

My fiancé is on my side and does defend me and our wants. He really does do what he can and talks to her and his dad, and then his dad tells his mom she's acting crazy. But then in 2 days, we are back to the same problem. His mom tends to "forget" what we talk about, so we have the same conversations, over and over. She has terrible anxiety and stresses over everything, so sometimes I feel like she just stops listening. (NO, there are no medical issues with her.) She booked and paid for the venue when we weren't even in town to "surprise us." Yes, it was the venue we wanted, but we weren't planning on her paying. (We live out of state from where the wedding is, and where the wedding is is where his family and my family are.) Last time we were in town she told me she needs to meet with my parents so she can tell them what all she is going to be paying for- the venue, the food, the DJ, the photographer, and some other misc. items. I told her myself that no, she does not need to be paying for all of this, and I don't think it's right and I do not plan on allowing her to do so. We bumped heads, then my fiancé and her bumped heads. 

I think she has an issue with letting go. She has always tried to control everything, so I know that I must stand my ground now. This is her oldest son, and the first one to get married. We are also expecting our first child, which will be their first grand baby. 

Thank you for all your replies. I hope I was able to explain the situation a little bit more. I really do appreciate all your advice from registry to MIL. Happy weddings!