Skip the Bouquet and Garter Toss?

KJiras

Hi ladies! I'm getting married in just under four months and I'm considering not doing the bouquet and garter tosses. On one hand I think cute traditions, but on the other I can say I've never loved getting pushed out on the dance floor as an unmarried lady to catch a bouquet. I'm 30, my fiance is 35 and many of our friends are married...so I guess it just sits funny with me. 

From what I've gathered from the boards I shouldn't be drawn into what I feel like I "have" to do or what the wedding industry says is a must and just go with what I'm comfortable with. My question is - if I skip these will they really be missed? Would it mess up the "flow" etc.? Thanks for your advice!

Jen4948

I doubt they'll be missed, and if they come up at all, I would bet that most people will be happy to skip them.

tiny speck

We didn't do either at our wedding and no one missed them or mentioned them at all.

MoonlightSilver

We skipped them both. No one ever brought them up or missed them. We were too busy partying.

nikole712

I am not doing either and doubt anyone will miss them.

KJiras

Thanks for the advice!!

KDM323

We aren't doing either.  We don't have many truly "single" guests attending our wedding.

RedJacks25

We're skipping both. FI is a little disappointed about skipping the garter toss, but I'm very adamant about not having either one.

I always hate the bouquet toss as a single lady at weddings. Nothing quite like being almost-30 and having everyone watch you while you try to catch flowers with a group of 18-year-olds. Ugh.

And I have no desire to have my FI climbing up my leg in front of everyone I know.

AddieCake

We skipped them. 

16maybeless

We are skipping the garter toss. I feel very weird having that be a part of the wedding, and I feel like everyone will be relieved!

calliopeia2013

I hate the tosses, we didn't do them.  Lots of people expressed their gratitude/relief that we didn't do them; no one complained that they were missing.

Assdazaza

We'll be skipping them

I doubt anyone will miss them or even notice

southernbelle0915

We're also skipping it for several reasons: We are uncomfortable. We don't want any guests to be uncomfortable. We don't want to disrupt the flow of the party.

amaryann210

Skip it.  We came to the decision to skip, too, because I can count the number of single people who will be at my wedding on one hand, and I think it's a tradition that can be foregone without anyone minding.

Dreamergirl8812

We're skipping them both. I hate watching a bunch of grown women knocking each other over to get the bouquet and the good luck that comes with it (????). Although to be fair, we're having a flowerless wedding so throwing my parasol into the crowd is just a safety hazard.

And I will still wear a garter cuz I have sexy legs and if FI wants to rummage around in there at the end of the night (in our room), then he can.

calliopeia2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

We're skipping them both. I hate watching a bunch of grown women knocking each other over to get the bouquet and the good luck that comes with it (????). Although to be fair, we're having a flowerless wedding so throwing my parasol into the crowd is just a safety hazard.

And I will still wear a garter cuz I have sexy legs and if FI wants to rummage around in there at the end of the night (in our room), then he can.

See, what fascinates me is that I have never, ever seen this happen at a wedding.  Every bouquet toss I have ever seen has involved the bride tossing the bouquet and the single ladies (who have often been physically dragged against their will out onto the dance floor by the DJ/a drunk friend) letting it fall to the floor and jumping away from it like it's a poisonous snake, and there's a long awkward pause where it just lies there on the floor until somebody finally grudgingly picks it up, with a "I guess someone has to fall on the grenade" mentality.

Don't even get me started on the garter toss.  The last one I saw involved the girl literally crying with embarrassment while the videographer stuck a camera in her face.  I left the room because I couldn't even take it anymore.  She spent the next half hour crying in the bathroom.  I don't understand why people think these things are fun.

fpaemp2011

We skipped both and no one asked about it.  We did an Anniversary Dance to "God Gave Me You" by Dave Barnes, instead.  We gave the "toss" bouquet to the couple who had been married the longest-- youth volunteers from DH's home church, married 67 years.

KDM323

We aren't doing either of these. 

I don't like them, we don't have many single friends attending our wedding...and well...I don't like them.

When we met with the DJ he asked about them, we said "No" he said "good", suggested an anniversary dance (which we might do) and the conversation moved on.

No one will miss either, I'm sure.  And I'm also pretty sure our few single friends may appreciate NOT being subjected to these mockeries.

PrettyGirlLost

Skip them.

Check out my 1st post in the thread below yours "Garter Toss- What happens" for a good reason to skip them.

Tulips29

We're most likely going to skip this also. Most of our friends are married and we really don't want to make it awkward for the 2-3 single girls and guys to come up for the toss. It was fun when our friends started getting married 5 years ago and most of us were still single. Now it's just something people are forced into doing. The last few weddings we've been do all skipped this also and no one even asked about it in the end. Instead, we're going to do an anniversary dance. 

ashleyep

drexelkathy said:

We aren't doing either of these. 

I don't like them, we don't have many single friends attending our wedding...and well...I don't like them.

When we met with the DJ he asked about them, we said "No" he said "good", suggested an anniversary dance (which we might do) and the conversation moved on.

No one will miss either, I'm sure.  And I'm also pretty sure our few single friends may appreciate NOT being subjected to these mockeries.

We're not going to do the tosses either. My DJ's site mentioned a list of songs for an anniversary dance - I kind of like that idea and I know my grandparents will "win" it. I'm leaning towards that just for that reason.

[Deleted User]

We skipped both. The few single friends (at least the females) were glad we skipped it because they didn't want to be singled out.

kk181805

I'm skipping both. Every time I went to a wedding as a single girl; I intentionally headed for the bar/ bathroom/ anywhere else to avoid the bouquet toss; I'm not putting my friends through that; and I agree with above posters; I think the whole garter toss is a weird lingerie showing and having my fiance crawling up my dress in public weirds me out. It's also mostly made me uncomfortable watching friends/ siblings do it at their weddings. If you're not comfortable with one or both, I vote skip them. 

chibiyui

I was planning on doing them, but instead of him going up my skirt to the get the garter, we'd just have a cheap one on hand, cause no one needs to be in on our foreplay. 

Also, since we'd like to do the German wedding cup, I thought it be better if the catcher of bouquet and the garter take a drink with us instead of the usually creeptastic slide the garter up someone you probably don't know.

But if you don't like it, skip it. it's certainly not mandatory.

KaySea6213

I always loved the bouquet and garter tosses, I had even been through the thing and caught a bouquet myself. I wanted them done at my own wedding because I thought it was fun and really funny, but now I kind of wish I hadn't. I'm 19, so a lot of our guests were single, but it turned out to be the kind of awkward that just isn't that funny.

kennede

We just married on July5th and we chose not to do several traditions and no one missed them. We had a king's table rather than a head table. No big DJ introduction into the reception as our ceremony and reception were in the same location and we had spent the cocktail hour with our guests.  We absolutely did not do the bouquet and garter toss as it was a second wedding for each of us and we are in our 40s.  The handful of single women there were for the most part in their 40s and not anxious to be called out to the dance floor to beg for the chance to be the next one married.  I know I wouldn't want to do it, so why would I subject them to it?   My advice to everyone is to make it your own day and don't do anything because someone tells you that you HAVE to. 

NYCBruin

kennede said:

We just married on July5th and we chose not to do several traditions and no one missed them. We had a king's table rather than a head table. No big DJ introduction into the reception as our ceremony and reception were in the same location and we had spent the cocktail hour with our guests.  We absolutely did not do the bouquet and garter toss as it was a second wedding for each of us and we are in our 40s.  The handful of single women there were for the most part in their 40s and not anxious to be called out to the dance floor to beg for the chance to be the next one married.  I know I wouldn't want to do it, so why would I subject them to it?   My advice to everyone is to make it your own day and don't do anything because someone tells you that you HAVE to. 

This is good advice.  The only thing you have to do at your wedding is say vows and sign the marriage license!  As long as you properly host your guests, there isn't anything else you HAVE to do.

Aileta

fpaemp2011 said:

We skipped both and no one asked about it.  We did an Anniversary Dance to "God Gave Me You" by Dave Barnes, instead.  We gave the "toss" bouquet to the couple who had been married the longest-- youth volunteers from DH's home church, married 67 years.

 I LOVE this idea sooo much more..  to do an anniversary dance.  though i already know the couple together the longest is 45 years and that is my fiances adoptive parents.  i think this is much more  rewarding to celebrate marriage then single out the singles.

MrsCAJones13

We are planning on skipping too! It's over done, and I agree...I ALWAYS hated it when I was a part of it. 

ash289

We are not doing the garter/bouquet toss either but we will most likely replace it with the anniversary dance.  

clg1213

I hate the tosses with a passion.  I never wanted to be involved in trying to catch the bouquet and dislike the image of needy women trying to "win" a husband.  I've only seen a garter toss a couple of times...I'll be nervous enough just being the natural center of attention (shared w/ FI!), the thought of having my FI reach up my dress in front of the crowd makes me feel ill.

BUT,FI thinks these are traditions, esp. the bouquet.  He likes them just for that fact...it makes it feel like a wedding to him. 

Hoping I can convince him to skip it.  It may sound odd but we've "traded" on other debates (the venue I prefer, the month he preferred) so I need to figure out if there's another issue I can compromise on so I can win this debate!