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Registering and Gifts

Does a wedding gift have to be a couples' gift?

My best friend is getting married and I barely know the fiance.  I've met him once, for about 5 minutes.  I've known her for my whole life, so she's really more like a big sister than a friend (I'm 18, she's 25).  For the gift, I was planning on making her a  nice scrapbook with pictures of us through the years and some quotes.  I was planning on getting a silver jewelry box from Things Remembered and a big sister/little sister bracelet set (a quality one from Etsy, not the cheap one you had when you were ten).  Is it appropriate to get her something but not the fiancé? She knows that I'm a college student without a lot of money to spend so I know she isn't expecting me to drop a lot of money on a gift.  My mom and I got them a nice gift from the registry for their shower, and my mom will get another gift for the wedding, and it will be from the both of us.  So my gifts will be more of a small, personal add-on rather than an official gift. 

Re: Does a wedding gift have to be a couples' gift?


  • volz519 said:
    My best friend is getting married and I barely know the fiance.  I've met him once, for about 5 minutes.  I've known her for my whole life, so she's really more like a big sister than a friend (I'm 18, she's 25).  For the gift, I was planning on making her a  nice scrapbook with pictures of us through the years and some quotes.  I was planning on getting a silver jewelry box from Things Remembered and a big sister/little sister bracelet set (a quality one from Etsy, not the cheap one you had when you were ten).  Is it appropriate to get her something but not the fiancé? She knows that I'm a college student without a lot of money to spend so I know she isn't expecting me to drop a lot of money on a gift.  My mom and I got them a nice gift from the registry for their shower, and my mom will get another gift for the wedding, and it will be from the both of us.  So my gifts will be more of a small, personal add-on rather than an official gift. 
    I think wedding gifts should be for the couple.  What you are planning sounds good if it were a shower gift.
  • I think it is fine to give something personal, if you know the bride well enough to know what she would like (and it sounds like you do.)  It is unlikely that the bride and groom both love every single item on the registry. 

    That being said, I am generally a fan of shopping off the registry, as this should be the stuff they really need to set up house.  If everyone gets them a cute jewelry box and a necklace, they probably wouldn't be too thrilled with that.  If you are giving a joint gift with your mom, you are covered, or you could give the personal gift along with something small from the registry.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake
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    edited June 2013
    I would find it odd to receive that for a wedding gift. 

    ETA: If it were a scrapbook of pictures of my fiance and I, I might feel differently. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Also, these gifts will be given to her in person when she comes home for Christmas.  My mom and I already got her something from the registry for the shower and will get another registry gift for the wedding.  I would like to give her something more personal than a gift card.
  • itzMSitzMS
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    volz519 said:
    Also, these gifts will be given to her in person when she comes home for Christmas.  My mom and I already got her something from the registry for the shower and will get another registry gift for the wedding.  I would like to give her something more personal than a gift card.

    So then that's a Christmas gift, not a wedding gift?

    I'm not sure what your concern is here. If you're planning on exchanging Christmas gifts, it would also be nice to get something for her FI. $25 to Itunes and a nice card saying how you're so glad he makes your "sister" happy or something like that would be fine.

  • If you're just giving it to her randomly when you see her, it's just a friends gift, or a Christmas gift, not a wedding gift. This is a non issue now. 



    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • volz519 said:
    Also, these gifts will be given to her in person when she comes home for Christmas.  My mom and I already got her something from the registry for the shower and will get another registry gift for the wedding.  I would like to give her something more personal than a gift card.
    Ohhh, this sounds like it would be a great Christmas gift, then!

    I definitely think that a wedding gift should be for the couple and not just something one of them benefits from. Maybe if you altered the scrap book to include stuff with her fiance in it? Maybe a few pages in the back?
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  • hoffsehoffse
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    Wedding gifts = couple.  Xmas gifts = individual or couple.

    As somebody who received many very cool items that weren't from our registry (like an anniversary clock and a lladro figurine), let me still advise you to stick to the registry when shopping for a wedding gift.  She's going to get 10,000 presents, and she will want to restrict their footprint in her home to things they chose.  They are also items they need.  If we had received fewer "personal" gifts we would be spending less time waiting for sales to buy these items ourselves post-wedding.  Don't get me wrong... the anniversary clock is one of our favorite gifts.  But the butterfly platter I could live without.  Even if the giver only spent $10 or $15 on it, I would have preferred we receive our can opener.  Seriously.
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  • If someone that knew my fiancé much better than they knew me gave him a wedding gift that was something meaningful for him and not me, I would think it was a caring gift and not rude or strange at all.  I think the scrapbook is an excellent idea for a wedding gift.

    However, I also agree with some of the previous posters about being careful about buying surprise things that aren't on the registry.  Gifts that are things that people are meant to display (jewelry box, bracelet) are risky gifts to give.  I personally feel like we live in a world with too many objects and I try to be really careful about the objects I keep in my home.  While your friend may have the perfect place to keep the jewelry box that you are selecting for her and it is a thoughtful gift, better chances are that she doesn't need it or have room for it. 
  • Going on the assumption that you know her very well, I do not see any issue with giving a gift that doesn't include the fiancé.  Even if it isn't something she intended to get, I'm pretty positive she would appreciate the gift and the thought put into it.  A personal gift like this does not have to include the Groom.

    marsm4
  • mlg78mlg78
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    This might be something nice you give to her privately while getting ready for the wedding, not as a wedding gift.

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  • ElcaBElcaB
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    I think wedding gifts should be for the couple. The gift you're planning on sounds amazing and I'm sure your friend would love it, but I'd save it for her birthday or a different gift-giving occasion. If everything on the registry is over your budget, try a gift card. 

    My friend's wedding registry at Target included sunglasses and clothing...for her. I thought it was really bizarre to get something for just the bride even though it was on their wedding registry. I ignored the "for her" items and got the bath towels they registered for instead. You know, towels they could both use. 
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  • doeydodoeydo
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    I don't think it is appropriate for a wedding gift however it sounds like a really nice gift in general.  Count it as something for the bridal shower anyways.
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