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Customs and Traditions

Headtable or Sweetheart Table that is the question??????

My mom is sooooo traditional she wants to see a Headtable at the wedding, but its my wedding so I am having a Sweetheart table
NYCMercedes
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Re: Headtable or Sweetheart Table that is the question??????

  • FI was stuck on a head table, but I was stuck on including dates. We're compromising by doing a king's table.
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    TeddiD34
  • We sat at a normal round table with our friends.  It was perfect.

    We didn't want to be isolated at a sweetheart table, and we didn't want to be on display like a head table.  

    Some people are really weird though in insisting that you have a head table.  My Dad thought it was weird... he's like, "How are people going to be able to see you?"  Well, let's see, we only have 8 tables in a pretty small room, and I'll be the one in the big white dress.  

    But do what you like!  Sweetheart tables definitely have their benefits, and if it's what you want, it shouldn't bother anyone else!  I only mentioned sitting at a regular round table because there are other options besides sweetheart or head tables.  Plus, there's king's/captain's tables, which are great too if they can work in the layout of your room.
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    tinaisodd
  • I'm having a family table. We'll be at a long table since it's kind of the only place that'll fit in the venue.

  • RajahBMFDRajahBMFD
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    edited August 2013
  • PDKH said:
    FI was stuck on a head table, but I was stuck on including dates. We're compromising by doing a king's table.
    What's that?  I don't remember coming across this term before.
  • Sweetheart table for us, too. 

    A king's table is where you let the bridal party's dates sit at the table as well, which is the right thing to do if you're having any kind of head table. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    fallingtogether1017
  • AddieL73 said:
    Sweetheart table for us, too. 

    A king's table is where you let the bridal party's dates sit at the table as well, which is the right thing to do if you're having any kind of head table. 


    Thanks.  I always thought the bridal party's dates automatically got seated at the head table if the bridal party were seated there too-I didn't know there was a special term for that.
    kashaarm
  • AddieL73 said:
    Sweetheart table for us, too. 

    A king's table is where you let the bridal party's dates sit at the table as well, which is the right thing to do if you're having any kind of head table. 


    Not quite...I don't think the inclusion of dates is really the defining feature for either the kings table or the head table. 

    At a head table, typically people sit only on one side of the table "overlooking" the other guests.    A kings table typically has guests seated on both sides of the table and is centered in the room.

    You should always seat the WP with their significant other....whether at a head table or a kings table.
    Liatris2010
  • Kings table is in the center.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger
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    edited June 2013
    Yep if we did a traditional head table, it would be stupid long (20ish people in a big line) since we are including dates. A king's table wraps people around on both sides of the table (except directly in front of us). It's not ideal, but it works as a compromise since FI hates sweetheart tables.

    Most weddings we go to dont include dates at the head table and then have a seperate dates table. It's rude and idiotic. In the wedding FI and I were both just in, even he and I could sit next to each other at the head table because they wanted all the GM on one side and all the BM on the other.

    Edit: autocorrect did stupid stuff.
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  • I wish more couples would not separate dates from the bridal party. This seems to be the norm where I'm from. Every wedding I've been to with a head table has separated dates. We're going to a wedding next year for my FI's sister and I will be at the head table as a bridesmaid and he will be seated with the groom's siblings-in-law. Not to sound anti-social, we're happy to meet new people and sit with people we don't know well, but it's kind of a bummer to not be able to sit together. I'd enjoy myself more if we could. We are definitely putting all dates together at our wedding.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • AddieL73 said:
    Sweetheart table for us, too. 

    A king's table is where you let the bridal party's dates sit at the table as well, which is the right thing to do if you're having any kind of head table. 


    Not quite...I don't think the inclusion of dates is really the defining feature for either the kings table or the head table. 

    At a head table, typically people sit only on one side of the table "overlooking" the other guests.    A kings table typically has guests seated on both sides of the table and is centered in the room.

    You should always seat the WP with their significant other....whether at a head table or a kings table.
    That too. Sorry I didn't include that; I assumed that was a given with the number of people it could entail. Hahaha!

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Head tables are not traditional.  They are a trend from the 60's and 70's that has held over.  

    We were very happy with our sweetheart table.  It was nice to have a minute to ourselves, and we only spent a few minutes sitting anyway.  I would have felt guilty going off and leaving anyone at our table.  
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  • He prefers the sweetheart table because we are the ones that are being celebrated
    NYCMercedes
  • zobirdzobird
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    Kings table is in the center.

    This, king's table through the middle of the room, is exactly what we're doing. It will be a blast. My parents are unnecessarily concerned about how people are going to see us, though... Because people apparently need to stare at the bride and groom while eating?


  • Blah, zobird! Our parents were concerned about the same thing! I wonder if it's a Midwestern thing.

    Apparently it's very important here for everyone to see the bride stuffing steak into her mouth.
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    zobirdTeddiD34
  • We're doing a sweetheart table.  If nothing else...I'm hoping that we'll be able to stop there for a few moments during the night and grab something to eat and my fiance will have somewhere to put his jacket out of the way!
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    glbelou
  • We're doing a head table.
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  • RedJacks25RedJacks25
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    edited July 2013
    We're doing a sweetheart table. At first, FI didn't know any different and thought you had to have a head table. I told him that I really wanted a table with just us, to attempt to have a few simple moments of just the two of us throughout the day. Also, if we had a head table then there would be more than 20 people up there, and to me that's a bit too much.

    And then we saw the view of the venue from the place our sweetheart table would be, and we fell even more in love with the idea of having it just be us.



    Edited for clarification.
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  • FI is really stuck on the doing a head table so we compromised on a King's Table. He didn't quite understand why the WP's SOs should be at the table as well until we watched my friend's cousin break down and cry at their reception because she couldn't sit with her husband and daughter. As painful as that was to watch, FI agreed to a large King's Table. We told our WP recently about the seating arrangements and they were thrilled that they got to sit with their SOs.
    Anniversary
  • I wanted a sweetheart table, FI initially wanted a head table, then suggested us plus our parents at a table.  1)  showed him how having a head table would be difficult (due to SOs of BP and size of available tables at venue, etc) and 2) asked if he really wanted to sit at a table with his mom for the whole reception.. sweetheart table it is.  I think it comes down to what you and your FI are comfortable with, and what the venue can do (some places can't support a large head/king table).
  • KaySea6213KaySea6213
    100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
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    edited July 2013
    We had a head table for dinner that did not include the WP's dates. None of them were married, engaged, or in long-term relationships and I honestly didn't even think about including them at the table. It wasn't even suggested to me in the planning process.

    That being said, the head table was on the dance floor and it was taken down after dinner. At that point most of the WP joined their dates at their tables. As far as I'm aware no one was upset about it.
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  • Why even bother letting someone bring a date and then not let them dine with that date? Can you imagine going on a date with a guy and eating at two separate tables?
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  • Question, sorry to threadjack OP  ... I'm a long way from these types of details, but is it rude to only seat your WP at the Head Table if all their dates know lots of other people at the wedding very well or are involved in the wedding some other way? Two my BMs husbands are going to be MCing, and the rest of the WP members are either family or very close friends who would be invited on their own regardless of their relationship to the WP member. Just asking because we would need a very long head table to accommodate all the WP and their SO's and I personally don't love the idea of a sweetheart. 
    roquesabrown
  • Question, sorry to threadjack OP  ... I'm a long way from these types of details, but is it rude to only seat your WP at the Head Table if all their dates know lots of other people at the wedding very well or are involved in the wedding some other way? Two my BMs husbands are going to be MCing, and the rest of the WP members are either family or very close friends who would be invited on their own regardless of their relationship to the WP member. Just asking because we would need a very long head table to accommodate all the WP and their SO's and I personally don't love the idea of a sweetheart. 

    Yep, it's still rude in my opinion. Can you imagine if someone said "Hey, at your wedding you'll be pretty invovled and know a lot of other people, so we're going to sit you and your new husband at separate tables"?

    Couples and dates should be sat together - no exceptions. On a day celebrating your relationship, let other couples honor their own. Look into doing a king's table - it's a nice alternative to a sweetheart table when you've got a massive wedding party.  

    I was just in a wedding where I was a BM and FI was a GM and we still weren't seated next to each other. I thought it was annoying and rude. We kept mouthing stuff to each other all through dinner.

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    SKPM
  • @PDKH Hmm, good to know. Just looked up a King's Table, and I love this. I'd never heard of it before. I like this because I feel like you could also seat the parents and grandparents of the B and G there too. 
    manateehugger
  • @PDKH Hmm, good to know. Just looked up a King's Table, and I love this. I'd never heard of it before. I like this because I feel like you could also seat the parents and grandparents of the B and G there too. 

    @jessiemmert Yep! I think it's actually a cool way to include everyone. I think FI and I plan to have the 2-4 spots directly across from us empty (think semi-circle) so that if guests would still like approach us during dinner, they can still do so without leaning over someone.

    Budget hint if you need it: using your bouquet and BM bouquets as the centerpieces for the king's table cuts down the need for like 4 centerpieces.

    image
  • I'm definitely for the sweetheart table. My FI was going to be a GM in a wedding over a year ago for a friend's wedding and needless to say, he was going to sit at a head table with other WP, No SO's!
    I was so upset that I told my FI I didn't really want to go to the wedding if I was going to be stuck sitting with strangers the whole time
    The wedding didn't happen due to unfortunate circumstances, but I made it clear that everyone at my wedding will be able to sit and mingle with their loved ones.
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