Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest lists

I have looked thru a lot of the discussions on invited and uninvited guests, but I wanted to ask about wording on our invites.

We are getting married in an old Victorian house - 50 is the absolute max that can be seated.  Yet, I'm already hearing (through my Mom) Aunt so and so wants to bring her granddaughter.  Aunt Yada said something about bringing LaLa... and such.

I have a lot of cousins and would love to invite all of them but space will not allow this, and we are paying for this ourselves.

So, how do I put on the RSVP cards or in the invitation envelope a statement that tactfully states: you and you alone - you and your wife/husband are all that are invited.

I was thinking maybe:

"We regret that due to the capacity restrictions at 'venue' ..." and that is where I lose my wording.

We are having parties for our engagement and many of these people will be invited to those, so we can share the fun...

Help!!

Re: Guest lists

  • misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    Only address the invite to who is invited. If they RSVP for more, call and apologize for the confusion and tell them that the invitation was only for Sally and John smith.

    Edit: you also should not invite anyone to an engagement party or other prewedding events if they're not invited to the wedding.
  • Ditto MissHart. You just put the names of the people invited on the invitations. If they try to RSVP with additional people, you tell them then that the invitation is only for those listed, that you are already at capacity, and that you hope they can still make it.

    And yeah, you shouldn't invite them to any wedding-related parties if they are not invited to the wedding. That says, "Come celebrate us, but you can't come to the thing you're celebrating us for!"


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • We're having a really small family-only wedding and there are lots of people who we would have loved to invite to our wedding but we weren't able to. Everyone is suggesting to me that we throw a party afterwards to celebrate with those we couldn't have at the wedding. I get this all the time. I feel so rude to invite someone to a 'celebration' of our wedding when I couldn't have them with us on the day. A lot of the people who give me this advice are really disappointed and confused that I don't want to organize a party to include the people left out, and they themselves did something similar when THEY got married, so I have to be careful that I don't make it sound like I think that they were rude when they did it. I have seen my friends understand that they aren't invited to the wedding, but confused and sad that I won't even have them at the bridal shower. It's tough to know something is right, but have everyone around you not look at things the same way. Sometimes being polite feels rude, you know?

    OP I agree with the above advice from the other posters. Don`t invite anyone to pre-wedding parties who aren`t invited to the wedding. Address invitations to only those invited and phone anyone to RSVPs for more than are listed on the invite. Tell your immediate family and closest friends that you aren`t including cousins, etc so that they can be prepared for any questions or conversations that take place when you aren`t around and they can help you out a bit with any misunderstandings. Good luck!
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • Our wedding is small, and we also hired a small venue (50 would be perfect, 60 would be a squeeze). To stop people RSVPing for themselves, 3 cousins, 2 aunts, and a poodle we have set our RSVP cards out like this:
    John and Jane Smith
    ----/2 - Accept
    __/2 - Decline.

    Of course someone could always cross out the 2 and write in another number, but I think it is another reinforcement that there are 2 seats for them, and therefore no room for Aunt Mildred.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks... I was surprised by the response to the shower invites.  Perhaps I will think about the post-wedding party...
  • auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    avaday2u said:
    Thanks... I was surprised by the response to the shower invites.  Perhaps I will think about the post-wedding party...
    Wait, I'm confused. The shower invite responses? Do you mean the response people here gave about pre-wedding parties or actual RSVPs to shower invites? If you mean the latter, did the hostess invite people who aren't invited to the actual wedding? If so, and if she invited from a guest list you gave her, you have a problem.
  • avaday2u said:
    Thanks... I was surprised by the response to the shower invites.  Perhaps I will think about the post-wedding party...
    a post-wedding party (like a morning after brunch) should also be wedding guests only.  Any party after that shouldn't have anything to do with your wedding b/c at that point you're married and it just seems a bit AWish.  You can have a housewarming or a BBQ or a Christmas party or whatever else you like, just don't associate it with your wedding and your guest list can be as open as you like.
  • We didn't invite children. We were concerned people would include them anyway. We worded our RSVPs like this:

    We look forward to celebrating with you!

    ___ # attending
    ___ decline with regret

    Please respond by _________
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • gmcr78gmcr78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    In addition to the inner envelope addressing only those who are invited, we are taking the guesswork out of the RSVP cards and printing them ourselves. They will look something like this:

    2 seats have been reserved in your honor:

    1. Mr John Doe __Accepts__Declines

    2. Mrs Jane Doe __Accepts__Declines

     

    Guest 1 Meal Choice:  _Chicken_Beef_Veggie

    Guest 2 Meal Choice: _Chicken_Beef_Veggie

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