Snarky Brides

Re: .

  • daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2013
    Help!!!

    It's two weeks before the wedding.  My friend is getting married.  She has been negative nelly this whole process.  Attempting to plan her entire wedding out herself.  Leaving things to the last minute including getting a makeup artist, a hair stylist, bridesmaid dresses.  She has no set colors for the wedding, the entire wedding is mismatched. From having burlap and lace decor to black cocktail kneelength dresses in the blistering summer sun.
    She has the MOH which is myself and her sister who is a preteen in the wedding party.  She wants me to have the same hair and same makeup as her 12 year old sister including the same dress.  I think this is ludacris!! I paid for these beautiful infinity dresses to be made and they came and the bride hated them (after she picked them out) and now she wants them to be redone by someone else, not me who is actually a good sewer.  I made the flower girl dress, I made her shoes, I planned the bridal shower, planned the bachelorette party, and also schooled her mother and the grooms mother on how weddings are run and who is responsible for what because it looks like they are not very familiar with this....everything I did on a single parents income!!! with no other bridesmaids to help.  She completely is being outrageous. I tried a bridesmaid dress on her with my hair and makeuup all done and she said she hated it all but everyone else in the bridal store said it looked stunning.  She has insecurity issues as well. It's two weeks before the wedding and the clasp at the top of her dress cannot close. I don't know what to do? she's completely blaming me for the dresses that turned out spectacular...and now she wants me to not wear any more makup than a 12 year after she saw how my makeup could be done by a makeup artist.  She didn't even plan a makeup trial until i forced her to go and she looked stunning. But she still complained because it was not airbrush makeup and that the airbrush will take away from her double chin..omg are you serious?? I"m sorry I'm ranting and raving here but I want to quit..my personal relationship with my bf has been affected and time away from spending time iwth my daughter is being affected and to be put through all this nonsense to look absolutely horrific is perposterous...I've bent over backwards for her and its like omg seriously??? now with the bridesmaid dress yes they didn't make the entire thing one length, that's not my fault the designer did it like that, but she left it so last minute that we cannot change them she just needs to accept that, but the dress is stunning and everyone else says i look fantastic in it....she says u seem reluctant to allow me to change the dresses...yes i do putting lace over an infinity dress is going to be horrific and it will be something she regrets or she just wants us to look stupid... I feel as though if she wants to change them then she should pay for them....I paid a lot for my infinity dress and now its going to be overlayed with lace and all sort of atrocities....i also have a feeling that when i arrive after getting my hair and makeup done by a makeup artist which is my family member she will make me wipe it off...because her Makeup artist is not going to do a good job on her...i understand its a few weeks away but she doesn't have to be like this...especially to someone who is biting her tongue and trying to fix this shamble of a wedding....

    any thoughts on what I should do??

    Ha I was about to look for a Ludacris GIF Pele.

    It sounds like there is a lot of telling other people what to do, on her part AND on your part. Ordering her to get a makeup trial? Telling the parents who is supposed to do what? These things are not your business, and have only added to your stress.

    If I were in your shoes, I would tell her "bride, I already paid for this dress, I cannot afford to buy anything else, make alterations, etc. And I will wear my hair and makeup as I choose." If she insists you get another dress, or tries to dictate your hair and makeup, I would say to her "I'm sorry, I think it's best for both of us if I just attend as a guest."

    I would never let anyone tell me how to wear my hair or whether I could wear makeup or not. As long as your current BM dress covers your body in an appropriate manner (ie, your butt or boobs aren't hanging out) it sounds like it is fine to wear. 
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  • My advice is to shut up and sit tight for the next 2 weeks. If she wants you to pay for any changes to the dress say, "no". If she wants you to change your makeup, say, "no".  You're holding a lot of stuff against her that isn't your concern, or is something you did willingly.

    Her wedding does not have to match your taste. Summer weddings tend to be outdoors, wear sunblock. It's not your responsibility to train her parents or to force her to get a makeup trail.

     The bach party and shower were very generous of you, but not obligatory and hopefully you planned within your means. If not, that is not her fault. Your relationship issues are also not her problem....

    Invest your time in your relationship rather than in your friend's wedding where she obviously doesn't want it.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • paragraphs, proper punctuation and capital letters are your friends. Use them.  If you want anyone to read that diatribe, at least make it readable.

  • I'm sorry for not writing this with proper punctuation and grammar.  I was at an emotional moment and needed to vent so to say and it came out as verbal diarrhea.

    I guess when I tried to tell her about the makeup trial I just want her to have a beautiful wedding and for her to be a stunning bride.  I figured she would regret it if she didn't get one done. As well, she is not feeling good about her appearance and she never had her makeup professionally done.  When she did get the makeup done she was in love with it and she was glowing, everyone commented on how great she looked.  It was beautiful and natural. However, now she changed her mind and will use a woman that is due to give birth one week after her wedding to do her makeup because it is airbrush. Something so silly.  I don't want to show up all nicely made up and I know what she would do, she would order me to take it off and go without makeup.

     With her mom and the mother of the groom. Well, the bride told me to tell them what to do with regard to what each role is in a wedding because both are clueless. So, I thought maybe if I helped out in that way it would make things run smoother. I never ordered anyone around or demanded people to do anything. I did not go out of my means for the bridal shower, it was split in half between her mother and I.  The Bachelorette party, all the other girlfriends will be chipping in.

    I know the wedding does not have to match my taste. Not once have I even suggested her to use different colors or to use a certain decor.  However, she is running herself very thin and I feel like its my responsibility to help her pick up the pieces? Am I wrong in thinking this? Any time I do offer to help her with decor or putting things together she always seems to do it by herself. 

    What really bothers me is that I have done a lot for this wedding so that it could flow a bit smoother such as ordering the beautiful dresses, sewing the flower girl dress which is a mini version of the inifnity dress and other things..  I paid a pretty penny for those dresses.  But, I cannot handle having to look like a twelve year old when I am trying to look like a grown 30 year old woman and her completely demeaning me and walking all over me and also lying to me, point blank in my face.  I have apologized profusely for the dresses not being completely the way she wanted with the one hem length. But, its not my fault about the dresses, it was the seamstress.  She only thought about the bridesmaid dresses two weeks ago.

    Should I tell her how I am feeling? If she mentioned the dresses and me not being able to look like a woman I think I will have to decline regardless of how soon the wedding is.

    Sorry for my poor grammar and blob of text :(

  • Love the ludacris photo, it really just describes it all!!!
  • I had to look up what an infinity dress was - it looks like it's a convertible dress that's meant to be worn in all different ways to flatter different figures... So it should flatter different ages too - you and the 12 yo shouldn't have to wear the dress exactly the same way in order to get a cohesive look for the wedding.

    And no one can "order you" to take off your make-up.  I wouldn't go all glitzy with purposely make myself look extreme but if you normally wear your make-up a certain way, you should wear it and not worry about it.  If she tries to tell you to take it off, just calmly say no and change the subject.

    Even if she's insecure and worried that you're going to look better than her, she'll quickly realize that all eyes will be on her on her wedding day.  And since you're not purposely trying to upstage her or wear anything inappropriate, she'll hopefully be too busy to even worry about how great you look.  :)

    Don't get into an argument about how grateful she should be for what you've done for her because she will counter with "it's her day so you have to do it her way" - neither of which is correct and none of which is worth fighting over on a wedding day. 

    Oh, and I would stop offering to help if I were you.  If she wants something, she can ask for it.  It's not your job to smooth things over for her or to make things easier and she clearly doesn't appreciate it and you clearly feel put out by it, so just stop...

    Hope things get easier and the wedding turns out lovely!

     

  • Thank you.

    I keep telling her all eyes will be on her. The dress is not inappropriate, its knee length and its not showing anything up top. I would never get into the argument of being grateful. Everything I have done was for her to have a spectacular wedding day not for me to want something out of her.

    I will take your advice and stop offering to help. It seems like its gotten me into a more difficult situation than anything. I will wait for her to ask for help and I am going to focus back on my family because they have been affected by the wrath of her.

    Thank you for all of your advice ladies...

  • itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    I would never let my personal life go by the wayside for the sake of someone else's wedding. Not to mention spending my own money on things the bride doesn't want or appreciate.

     

  • The fiancee is not helping financially or involved in any of the decision making (Even though he makesa very large salary). It is basically resting all on her and her income which is 1/4 of his.  I have completely dropped back and I have told her if she needs help she can contact me.  With regard to the dress, it is not an inappropriate dress. It is two inches shorter than she originally intended it to be.  She wanted calf length dresses and they are now just at the knees.  They are completely covered at the top with nothing showing except maybe a bit of the shoulders.  They can be wrapped in many different ways. Which is not the brides issue, just the bottoms.  I'm going to take the approach of smile and nod. She expect myself, her mom and her dad to assist with the decor but none of us know what the decor is or where it is.  After numerous attempts of no response of asking her to go over it so we know how to decorate the hall the night before I gave up trying. I will just show up and let the "fun" happen LOL

    But yes, it was my fault to let my own relationships suffer because of this. This weekend I am finally going to be spending time with my bf and going away.  Thanks for all your input ladies.
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