I love you....

LakeR2014

This topic came up in discussion this weekend and I thought I'd ask here to see what the case was for everyone.

In your relationship, does one of you say 'I love you' first more often then the other, where the other person responds with 'I love you too' more?  (Disclaimer: I'm not stating this means that either one loves the other more or less, just seeing if the initial stating of it is done more by one partner than the other.)  

In my instance, I say it more often first and my partner responds.  I definitely don't think it's because he means it any less, only that I grew up in a family who daily said 'I love you' to each other, thus I am more ok with saying it, whereas his family says it rarely so he wasn't used to saying it as much.  

CharlieKay10

I think you pretty much have it nailed. FI and I are similar. My family said "I love you" multiple times a day growing up. FI's family rarely ever said it. It never really bothered me. Some people show affection and care differently.

misssunshine17

I say it more 'randomly' and FI says it more regularly like when leaving for the day, saying goodnight, etc. It doesn't bother me either way. I know he loves me and I'm not someone who needs to hear it 10x a day. Both of our families used it regularly. 

RedJacks25

I actually think that it's just about even between the two of us. We say it like half a dozen times a day, and it's just a toss-up for which one says it first.

AddieCake

My husband and I are pretty even with the "I love you" distribution. 

wittykitty14

FI and I are pretty even.  We say it constantly, and either one of us initiates it whenever.  We'll throw it out there at the most random times, but it's one of those things you can't say too much.

He used to initiate it more than I did.  His family says "I love you" and does hugs all the time.  He has no issues saying "I love you" (when he means it of course), and is a big hugger and has no issues with PDA (within reason).  This extends not just to his parents and brothers, but aunts/uncles/cousins,etc as well.

Me, I'm a different story.  We don't say it to each other nearly as much as we used to, and even then it wasn't all the time.  Except for my grandparents who've since passed, I don't initiate any I love you's on most occassions.  Extended family never says it except during hard times.  We only hug when 1.) somebody is going away for a long time, 2.) we haven't seen one another in a long time, 3.) holidays (and even then I don't hug my parents, this is just for extended relatives) and 4.) Death.  So, I didn't initiate the I love you's too much at first with FI.  But it evened out pretty quickly.  In terms of PDA, I was barely comfortable holding hands in public.  I didn't want FI to hold me, or even give me a peck on the cheek.  But he grew up where his parents were and still are physically affectionate.  My parents never were (and now they're divorced).  Over time, I've been more comfortable with it.

I know you didn't bring up the PDA thing, but I thought it was relevant

Peaseblossom55

It's about even for us. Any phone conversation, text or email ends with that and we always say it before we go to bed. Sometims he starts it sometimes I do.

Angusaur

Funny because our families are just like yours, but its opposite. My family grew up constantly saying I love yous to each other. FI family has probably never said it. At least FFIL hasn't, he's very weird and conservative on affection. They never ate dinner together, never said I love you, etc etc.

FI is always telling me he loves me. Our son, too. I think he definitely wants to make sure he doesn't follow in his father's foot steps. Not that his dad is a bad guy. I just think he wants his wife (to be) and son to know we are loved. I of course love him more than anything, but don't initiate the i love yous nearly as much as he does.

southernbelle0915

I've never even thought about "who says it more", honestly. It's not important to me - I know we love each other and I've never considered keeping score or even noticing it.

libby2483

H and I are fairly even with initiating "I love you".  We say it multiple times a day, since it's one of those things you just can't say too much.  

My family says "I love you" all the time.  Every phone conversation that I have with my parents or my sister ends in "I love you".  H doesn't really tell his family that he loves them that much, and I don't think that it was said often when we was growing up.  He certainly does love his family, but they are just not as vocal about it as my family.  

harper0813

FI says it more on the phone. I say it more face-to-face. It evens out.

WinstonsGirl

We're 50/50.  We both initiate, but we have a thing where if 1 person says it, the other says it back.  If not, the first person repeats with a bit of a look until the other says it back.  I think it started as a joke and now it's stuck as something we always do, a bit of an inside joke maybe??  We also have a rule that we always say it before someone leaves, goes to bed or hangs up the phone, so that's always the last thing we say to each other

StephJean83

We are pretty even now. For the longest time FH would say "you too" when I would say "I love you". He said people say "love" too freely, like "I love chocolate", "I love Friends", etc, so he didn't want to say it and it not seem like something special. He started saying another word to me in lieu of "I love you" and he had that engraved on my e-ring.

jennylee813

I might say it more - I know that I said it first. My FI is like yours @StephJean83, he doesn't "throw around" the "L" word because it loses meaning for him. When we started saying it, I said it more, but we're pretty equal (I think).

We're pretty equal on the PDAs though. Neither of us leaves without a kiss and hug, and both are equal at initiating snuggles on the couch.

My family never said it, and there was no hugging. When DS and DD were born, I vowed that they'd know every day how much I love them. And they do. I went from a family without affection to one that is full of love. 

NOLAbridealmost

We're 50-50.  It's like a ping pong game....I mean, it's just weird not to say "I love you, too" right?  I'd be really hurt if my "I love you's" were met with silence. =/

manateehugger

Neither one of us used to say it much (we're not an overly mushy couple), but since becoming long distance, I'd say we both say it a lot throughout the day.

Both of us still have trouble saying it over the phone though if other people are around. Hell, we have trouble kissing/hugging in front of anyone. Our wedding kiss will probably be awful.

Belle2188

Hmm...I hadn't really thought about this before.  We're pretty even, but I think he says it more randomly and I'm more likely to say it when one of us leaves, hangs up the phone, etc.

MoonlightSilver

I was going to ask, who keeps track of these sort of things? I don't have the slightest clue who says it more. 

NYCBruin

I have no idea who says it more, I've honestly never thought about it.  We both spontaneously say it very frequently.

fre3doms

We always say back I love you too no matter who starts it. 

We were long distance the first 16 months of our relationship. So we say it lots. I actually started saying stuff like "I love you more than all the books in the Library of Congress." or "I love you more than all the waters in all the oceans." My best friend thinks we need to put some of that in our vows.

Bubbles2014

FI says he loves me more often than I say it. I go through phases where I'll say it lots, and then nothing for a couple of days. He knows I love him even though I don't say it all the time.

Pepper6

I think we are pretty equal, but we say it pretty often.  Generally, whoever is leaving first (for work, that's always me) says it first in the morning, and then whoever gets home last (always H) says it first in the evening.  Then randomly throughout the day is really a tossup, but it's always reciprocated no matter who initiates it.

CheleLyn

I thought I was saying it more, but since he started working out of town during the week, when we get together on the weekends he says it more than he used to. He's also more touchy than he used to be...holding my hand, touching my hair, touching my arm when we go out to dinner. I actually think him working out of town is good for us because we were together all.the.time since he got laid off and I quit my job. It was nice and we get along great, but I was getting to the point of "Why don't you call your dad and go play golf". 

We moved in together rather quickly, so it's kind of like we're dating now but without all the have to impress each other, except that since we don't see each other all week we actually are on our best behavior when he's home LOL

smalfrie19

I think I say it more over technology (texts, im's etc) but he does more in person. Again I never really thought about it because I know the love is there