My mum wants me to walk down the aisle with my father, I don't. Is there a nice way to tell her?

Solciita

My mum wants me to walk down the aisle with my father, I don't. He was not a good dad, he even abused us physically and emotionally. I moved out of the house in my teens because he threw me out, so I've been living on my own forever. We now get along cordially, and he's coming to the wedding (BTW, my parents are still married). I want to walk down the aisle by myself, I think it's better to not hurt anyone feelings. My mum is worried about what people may think... Is there a nice way to tell her I don't care? I told her months ago I was walking by myself, but I feel the issue will arise again sooner or later. I'm brutally honest and will make her cry, but the truth is everyone (my mum, my grandparents, my sister and her husband, my little niece, my best friends) is more entitled to walk me down the aisle than my father.

Thanks!

AllieBear725

Solciita said:

My mum wants me to walk down the aisle with my father, I don't. He was not a good dad, he even abused us physically and emotionally. I moved out of the house in my teens because he threw me out, so I've been living on my own forever. We now get along cordially, and he's coming to the wedding (BTW, my parents are still married). I want to walk down the aisle by myself, I think it's better to not hurt anyone feelings. My mum is worried about what people may think... Is there a nice way to tell her I don't care? I told her months ago I was walking by myself, but I feel the issue will arise again sooner or later. I'm brutally honest and will make her cry, but the truth is everyone (my mum, my grandparents, my sister and her husband, my little niece, my best friends) is more entitled to walk me down the aisle than my father.

Thanks!

Does your mom know about your father abusing you? Also is your mom paying for any of your wedding?

You most certainly do not have to have him walk you down! If she knows about the abuse and insists he walks you anyway, just tell her no and be firm with it (if she's paying for some or all of your wedding, be prepared for hurt feelings from her). Although I don't see why any mother would want their daughter to walk down with someone they have such negative feelings for, but I don't know your mom. 

If she doesn't know about the abuse, she probably doesn't realize your feelings for not wanting him to walk you. Maybe she doesn't know you feel so strongly about not having him walk you, just be open and honest about it. 

Good luck! Sorry you're having to deal with this. 

doeydo

Stick to your guns!  She shouldn't be worried about what people think, she should have protected you when you (and your siblings) were younger.  I am walking myself down the isle because of similar circumstances, though my father is not in my life at all.  If anyone questioned my choice, I would simply tell them that I am a grown woman and can walk the twenty feet or whatever it is without someone holding onto my arm just fine; I've made it this far.  

Solciita

Thanks for the replies. I think I'll tell her that I'm old enough to walk by myself... if she insist, as they said they were going to pay for some of the expenses (haven't seen a dime yet and not really expecting/wanting it anyways), I'll just ask her if she beliefs he's worth of it. It also helps that the wedding is very casual, we just want everyone to have fun and share our hapiness, no protocol at all :-).