Bride-centric gifts at shower?

lindzilla

My sister is getting married in a few months and me and our other sister are throwing her a shower (we are the only friends/family members she has that are able to throw her one). We are starting to plan the shower now and since we've never had a marriage in our family before/been to a shower we have some questions regarding the registry aspect of the shower.

My sister doesn't plan on registering anywhere for her wedding as her and the groom have lived together for years and already have everything they need. They just want cash. I thought that the bridal shower was more for the bride herself and that the gifts would be more directed towards her rather than her home and the groom. As I said, I know next to nothing about weddings and could be wrong. My sister never buys stuff/does anything for herself, so I think it would be a nice treat for her to receive gifts for her only. If this is appropriate, is it appropriate to mention anything regarding this on the shower invitation? Maybe hint that the gifts should be bride oriented? As she always thinks of herself last I know she won't register even for herself so if we ask for gifts for my sister only I wonder if people will know what to get for her.

If anyone could help me out I would really appreciate it! I am such a newb at weddings lol.

manateehugger

lindzilla said:

My sister is getting married in a few months and me and our other sister are throwing her a shower (we are the only friends/family members she has that are able to throw her one). We are starting to plan the shower now and since we've never had a marriage in our family before/been to a shower we have some questions regarding the registry aspect of the shower.

My sister doesn't plan on registering anywhere for her wedding as her and the groom have lived together for years and already have everything they need. They just want cash. I thought that the bridal shower was more for the bride herself and that the gifts would be more directed towards her rather than her home and the groom. As I said, I know next to nothing about weddings and could be wrong. My sister never buys stuff/does anything for herself, so I think it would be a nice treat for her to receive gifts for her only. If this is appropriate, is it appropriate to mention anything regarding this on the shower invitation? Maybe hint that the gifts should be bride oriented? As she always thinks of herself last I know she won't register even for herself so if we ask for gifts for my sister only I wonder if people will know what to get for her.

If anyone could help me out I would really appreciate it! I am such a newb at weddings lol.

Hi there!

If your sister isn't registering, she really shouldn't be having a shower. Showers are for physical gifts only. If you host a shower and she isn't registered, she'll end up with a bunch of random stuff. She could create a small registry of updates (e.g. new sheets, new towels new flatware, etc.) for the purpose of her shower. In my experience, shower gifts tend to be "bride-oriented" or they tend household gifts (like towels) anyway, so I wouldn't worry about that. 

Here are a couple other shower etiquette rules:
1. Anyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding. 
2. It's fine to list registry information on the shower invitation since gifts are the whole point of a shower. 
3. Do not dictate attire or really even type of gift (lingerie showers and kitchen showers happen, but I personally find these annoying - I don't really know what formal etiquette says about these). 

4. If a bride only wants cash, she should forego a shower. 

lindzilla

That is all great info, thank you so much! I appreciate it.

I'm sure if I tell her that is not appropriate to have a shower without registering she will register for something. I've told her to upgrade bedding, small appliances, etc, so we will see what she decides.

Would it be appropriate for her to register for gifts for herself? Like new clothes, jewelery, beauty items, etc? And she doesn't do anything for herself so is it possible to maybe take a collection (instead of gifts) and send her for a spa day? Or something along thise lines. It would be nice to see her celebrate herself for once.

manateehugger

I personally think it would be tacky to register for clothes and jewelry. Those are birthday gifts, not wedding gifts. I've never seen something like that on a registry, and honestly, I would totally side-eye it. Showers are meant to help establish a home for the new couple, not give the bride a ton of personal gifts. 

I think it's fine to register for some fun things. I've seen small camping gear accessories, movies, or board games on registries. I know some people might not like it, but I think those things are fine. She could do small decor items too (new clocks, wall art, coffee table accessories, lamps, etc.). Tell her to walk around her house and take note of all the small things she doesn't like or could use an update. 

DO NOT take up a collection of cash or money at the shower. That's not the purpose of shower. I think you could informally reach out to a few close friends or bridesmaids and say something like "I'd like to send Bride to a spa day the week of the wedding. Let me know if you'd like to help contribute." But do not demand or expect any donations. 

Simply Fated

It's a bridal shower, not a birthday party. She should be requesting/hinting for gifts fir their home, not personal items It would be incredibly inappropriate to register fir things like clothes and jewelry.

The point of the bridal shower is to shower the bride with gifts for her and her fiance for their home. It is not to be used as an excuse to get the bride free stuff for herself.

If she doesn't need anything or want anything for her home, then she should turn down the offer for a bridal shower. Why don't you use the money you'll be saving from throwing the shower to take her to a spa, instead?

Asking guests to bring money is never okay, especially if, again, it's going to something personal like a spa day for only the bride.

I think, based on your comments about how you think she should be celebrating herself, for once... you should skip this shower idea and throw her a birthday party, instead.

Xstatic3333

Why not throw her a bridal tea or luncheon? That way she can celebrate with the women in her life without registering.

doeydo

I would not get anything specifically, only for her such as clothing or a giant pink stuffed bear that her FI won't be into.  I think getting something for their home would be nice, ie. a deep fryer, blender, gravy boat, towels, lamp, etc.  However, you could ask her what she might need/want in general to get some idea.