need advice on family issues and customs

Aileta

I am not sure where to start this.  I think i will start with my sister.  out of her plainly being my sister i asked her to be my maid of honor. now i have to deal with her trying to control the show as to what i do for my ceremony and reception, yet only comes around to  be bossy when it suits her.  the other two gals in the party are my besties from High School and somehow has remained in contact and are all aunts to our children.  now we have made great headway in planning and finally are getting somewhere, to have my sister train wreck her way though trying to get me to dump one of my gals from the party.

i'm not sure what to do with her ...even though she has offered to do some gracious  things for my wedding and front the bridal shoes for the party and a spa day the morning of i don't find myself caring or that thrilled because she is making it that unbearable but i cant bring myself to tell her to go away either. any suggestions for coping with her? 

 secondly our parents are divorced.  they cant get along and i never cared for my dads side like ever. the only man in my life other then my fiance  that i have ever loved to pieces is unfortunately no longer with us as my grandfather passed away when i was about 9 years old. i made it clear  to everyone except my father and his side of the family that i don't want him to walk me down the aisle. I don't want a father daughter dance and i kind of really dont want him there at all.  I do really like my one stepbrother and his family but i am afraid that in inviting them they will pass the wedding details along should i choose not to send the invitation to my father.   i have  so many people that i can't have next to another its not even funny and its just getting more and more unbearable as the impeding months trickle down.  i'm almost at the point where i need everything into the vendors as i have three months left.  im kind of at a loss and fear my wedding day. any advice from others with difficult families and trying to avoid certain traditions or people would be very welcomed. 

MayDay513

Aileta said:

I am not sure where to start this.  I think i will start with my sister.  out of her plainly being my sister i asked her to be my maid of honor. now i have to deal with her trying to control the show as to what i do for my ceremony and reception, yet only comes around to  be bossy when it suits her.  the other two gals in the party are my besties from High School and somehow has remained in contact and are all aunts to our children.  now we have made great headway in planning and finally are getting somewhere, to have my sister train wreck her way though trying to get me to dump one of my gals from the party.

i'm not sure what to do with her ...even though she has offered to do some gracious  things for my wedding and front the bridal shoes for the party and a spa day the morning of i don't find myself caring or that thrilled because she is making it that unbearable but i cant bring myself to tell her to go away either. any suggestions for coping with her? 

 secondly our parents are divorced.  they cant get along and i never cared for my dads side like ever. the only man in my life other then my fiance  that i have ever loved to pieces is unfortunately no longer with us as my grandfather passed away when i was about 9 years old. i made it clear  to everyone except my father and his side of the family that i don't want him to walk me down the aisle. I don't want a father daughter dance and i kind of really dont want him there at all.  I do really like my one stepbrother and his family but i am afraid that in inviting them they will pass the wedding details along should i choose not to send the invitation to my father.   i have  so many people that i can't have next to another its not even funny and its just getting more and more unbearable as the impeding months trickle down.  i'm almost at the point where i need everything into the vendors as i have three months left.  im kind of at a loss and fear my wedding day. any advice from others with difficult families and trying to avoid certain traditions or people would be very welcomed. 

She doesn't need to help you with wedding stuff. If you just want to give her the title because she's your sister that's fine. But you don't have to have her help with everything, especially if you think she isn't helpful. I definitely think you should talk to her.

You can always walk down the aisle alone, you don't need to be escorted. Just throwing that option out there.

In regards to seating of family. Just do the first row of reserved seating for you and FI's immediate family if you would like them to sit in front. Everyone else can grow up and figure it out for the ceremony. I would even consider this for your reception and letting people sit where they want if you are having a seated dinner. That way you don't have to hear about people harking about how you put them next to someone they hate.

HisGirlFriday13

Aileta said:

I am not sure where to start this.  I think i will start with my sister.  out of her plainly being my sister i asked her to be my maid of honor. now i have to deal with her trying to control the show as to what i do for my ceremony and reception, yet only comes around to  be bossy when it suits her.  the other two gals in the party are my besties from High School and somehow has remained in contact and are all aunts to our children.  now we have made great headway in planning and finally are getting somewhere, to have my sister train wreck her way though trying to get me to dump one of my gals from the party.

i'm not sure what to do with her ...even though she has offered to do some gracious  things for my wedding and front the bridal shoes for the party and a spa day the morning of i don't find myself caring or that thrilled because she is making it that unbearable but i cant bring myself to tell her to go away either. any suggestions for coping with her? 

 secondly our parents are divorced.  they cant get along and i never cared for my dads side like ever. the only man in my life other then my fiance  that i have ever loved to pieces is unfortunately no longer with us as my grandfather passed away when i was about 9 years old. i made it clear  to everyone except my father and his side of the family that i don't want him to walk me down the aisle. I don't want a father daughter dance and i kind of really dont want him there at all.  I do really like my one stepbrother and his family but i am afraid that in inviting them they will pass the wedding details along should i choose not to send the invitation to my father.   i have  so many people that i can't have next to another its not even funny and its just getting more and more unbearable as the impeding months trickle down.  i'm almost at the point where i need everything into the vendors as i have three months left.  im kind of at a loss and fear my wedding day. any advice from others with difficult families and trying to avoid certain traditions or people would be very welcomed. 

Ditto PPs. Tell your sister, "Thanks, but no thanks, we have it under control." Don't invite your father if you'd rather not (assuming you haven't sent him an STDate). Invite your step-brother, but explain to him that your father isn't invited and he's not to share information. Walk down the aisle alone.

Aileta

Thank you,  i know they won't magically change but it would be nice if they could get along.  most of them can not be under the same roof without arguments.  when our daughter was born i had to have them visit separately.   

I have thought of eloping.  i was in tears when the fiance said he wanted a traditional wedding.   i was trying to get away with just a plain white dress and  a courthouse wedding with a small party  at a local bar or  restaurant..  He wouldn't have it, even knowing my family situation.   i can't snub his family just because mine sucks. i love his family too much to do that to them as well either so i'm only doing it for them really.  in the meantime dealing with my own family has been a very bad long hard road.