Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

lizabelle1217

I would like to bang my head on my keyboard due to some posters taking life so darn seriously that they cannot operate in a manner that is outside that which has been written in a fembot etiquette book, apparently. Some people just can't live and let live... Get over it! 

Jen4948

lizabelle1217 said:

I would like to bang my head on my keyboard due to some posters taking life so darn seriously that they cannot operate in a manner that is outside that which has been written in a fembot etiquette book, apparently. Some people just can't live and let live... Get over it! 

Pot, meet kettle.

laurenlevac

I have a fair number of family members who are traveling in from out of state and a new baby cousin who I want to meet, but don't want creating a fuss at the wedding ceremony. Asking them to leave their kids behind would be hard. So I reserved another room and a baby sitter for the wedding and reception.  The little kids can hang out there where they can have fun and their parents can check on them if necessary.  The adults (and older kids) can attend the wedding and reception.  It's a comprise hopefully will work well for us. 

Maggie0829

laurenlevac said:

I have a fair number of family members who are traveling in from out of state and a new baby cousin who I want to meet, but don't want creating a fuss at the wedding ceremony. Asking them to leave their kids behind would be hard. So I reserved another room and a baby sitter for the wedding and reception.  The little kids can hang out there where they can have fun and their parents can check on them if necessary.  The adults (and older kids) can attend the wedding and reception.  It's a comprise hopefully will work well for us. 

I am not trying to be mean by asking this but just want to see if you discussed this with the adults before hand?  Some parents are not comfortable leaving their children, especially young babies in care of a complete strangers.  So hopefully you discussed this with them prior to setting up the babysitter.  If not, expect some major push back.

DanAndPal

My friend didn't put anything on the invitation but on her website she put "We respectfully ask that this be an adults only event" - we're planning to do the same for ours and we've already already started spreading the word (just mentioning it anytime we see anyone one on one will actually get pretty far) amongst our large family that they should come up with a plan for child care that day - some people don't like it but at least because they're all talking about it they can help each other out with a plan and will be prepared in plenty of time

NYCMercedes

lizabelle1217 said:

I would like to bang my head on my keyboard due to some posters taking life so darn seriously that they cannot operate in a manner that is outside that which has been written in a fembot etiquette book, apparently. Some people just can't live and let live... Get over it! 

Some of us don't need a fembot book to host our guests graciously.

vianeymendoza

We added to the RSVP card a note a bottom that reads "Adult Reception"

I grew up with the idea that weddings are adult parties not kids' parties. The little kids have no business running around on your especial day plus you don't want kids sleeping on the tables and occupying extra chairs.

AprilH81

vianeymendoza said:

We added to the RSVP card a note a bottom that reads "Adult Reception"

I grew up with the idea that weddings are adult parties not kids' parties. The little kids have no business running around on your especial day plus you don't want kids sleeping on the tables and occupying extra chairs.

Just because you did it doesn't mean it was acceptable.

It is perfectly acceptable to have a child free event.  It is NOT okay to tell people (kids) they aren't invited.

You indicate who IS invited by specifically naming them on the inner or outer envelope.  You can try to limit RSVP add on's by saying something like "We have reserved ___ seats in your honor" and write in the number of people.

You should not put "adults only" or "no kids" on the invitations, RSVP cards, website or any other wedding correspondence.   That is rude.

You can also spread the word through talkative family members.  

Maggie0829

AprilH81 said:

vianeymendoza said:

We added to the RSVP card a note a bottom that reads "Adult Reception"

I grew up with the idea that weddings are adult parties not kids' parties. The little kids have no business running around on your especial day plus you don't want kids sleeping on the tables and occupying extra chairs.

Just because you did it doesn't mean it was acceptable.

It is perfectly acceptable to have a child free event.  It is NOT okay to tell people (kids) they aren't invited.

You indicate who IS invited by specifically naming them on the inner or outer envelope.  You can try to limit RSVP add on's by saying something like "We have reserved ___ seats in your honor" and write in the number of people.

You should not put "adults only" or "no kids" on the invitations, RSVP cards, website or any other wedding correspondence.   That is rude.

You can also spread the word through talkative family members.  

Another idea to add to this is putting something like..

___ Mrs. Jane Doe will be attending

___ Mr. John Doe will be attending

___ We will not be attending

I think I got that right but someone correct me if it is a bit off.

AprilH81

moonpowder said:

I think it's fair to write in small prints something like:

''Due to seating constraint, we are limiting the invitation to those named in the invitation, no seat are available for a extra person (A date, children, friend, parent etc) that is not named on the invitation. Thank you to respect the invitation. ''

This way, you are not rude to anyone, you are not stating that kids are not allowed, you are reinforcing that you need to be on the invite to be...Invited!

You can double check with the parents by calling them to do a follow up and ask if they got a babysitter.

If they ask why no children: Setting, seating, money and/or an other couple kids are just monsters ''At X birthday party the elder peed his pants because of excitement...And he's 9...True story!''

WTF?!?

That is NOT okay.  Period.  

The correct way to handle extra RSVPs are to call the person and say "I'm so sorry, but the invitation was only for you and Jane.  We are unable to accommodate Susie and Johnny but we hope to see you and Jane at the wedding!"

[Deleted User]

I have sent out my invitations today , they were addressed to whon was invited and we also included adults only on the rsvp.I want everyobe to know before they rsvp. It's my day, don't mean to he rude but take it how you want cause there shall be no kids.
( hopefully everyone can attend but it's understood if they can't)

AprilH81

lanier1221 said:

I have sent out my invitations today , they were addressed to whon was invited and we also included adults only on the rsvp.I want everyobe to know before they rsvp. It's my day, don't mean to he rude but take it how you want cause there shall be no kids. ( hopefully everyone can attend but it's understood if they can't)

But it isn't just YOUR day, are you forgetting your groom?

Regardless it ceases to be all about you the minute you invite guests to witness the ceremony.  At that point you become HOSTS and must treat your guests well.

NYCMercedes

lanier1221 said:

I have sent out my invitations today , they were addressed to whon was invited and we also included adults only on the rsvp.I want everyobe to know before they rsvp. It's my day, don't mean to he rude but take it how you want cause there shall be no kids. ( hopefully everyone can attend but it's understood if they can't)

Once you invite one person, the reception is no longer your day. Oh, and don't forget, it's not all about you. It's also about the groom.

MobKaz

laurenlevac said:

I have a fair number of family members who are traveling in from out of state and a new baby cousin who I want to meet, but don't want creating a fuss at the wedding ceremony. Asking them to leave their kids behind would be hard. So I reserved another room and a baby sitter for the wedding and reception.  The little kids can hang out there where they can have fun and their parents can check on them if necessary.  The adults (and older kids) can attend the wedding and reception.  It's a comprise hopefully will work well for us. 

While that was a thoughtful thing to do, you do realize it is no guarantee.  There is nothing that prevents the parents from bringing the kids into the reception to "see all the relatives".  And there is nothing to stop a child from tantruming that he "wants his mommy" and is brought out to her.  

Lyss5362

personally I don't see a problem with writing 'please join us for an adult reception..' etc. that's what will be on my invitations. I don't think it's rude. it's not like you are saying DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS or anything crazy. I agree with whoever said some people just think they can bring whoever they want regardless of who's name is on the invitation and I think we have enough crap to worry about planning a wedding that we don't also need to add in calling back everyone who RSVP'd for their uninvited child. if I were to get an invitation saying adult reception I wouldn't even think twice about it, I would just say okay I need a baby sitter. it wouldn't even cross my mind to be offended. people are too uptight now a days. however if you still find it rude I like the idea that someone said
Mrs Smith __chicken __beef __not attending
Mr Smith etc..
that way they can only check off by the name of the invited person and they know if they bring anyone extra there won't be food there for them!

LiaNix

I just sent my invitations out last week and added an additional page with info on the hotel and parking etc.  We also said this on the additional page:

"We hope you understand that aside from the Wedding Party, we have chosen to make our special day adults only.  We are very excited to share this special time in our lives with you and want you to enjoy a romantic evening as well."

 

Then we put each guest's name on the response cards, it took a long time but it has definitely made our wishes clear.  When guests tell us that they can't make it because they don't have a sitter, I am offering to provide babysitting in one of the hotel rooms we have booked by certified early childhood educator.  I'm not advertising that ahead of time because I'm not willing to pay to babysit everyone's children.  If people don't like it, I don't care.... my cousin complained about it to me last night and I thought, "I didn't complain when I had to stand in the stinking hot sun with no shade while you were 45 minutes late for the ceremony". It's our party girls... do what you want and don't worry about what anyone else says.

 

 

daveANDkristen

I really wish I hadn't followed you over here @maggie0829 (had to see the thread that was giving you a headache!). 

To all you ladies who just can't seem to understand why it's rude to put "adults only"/"no children"/"invited guests only" on your invitation, how about this: you know how bent out of shape all of you get with the "blunt" responses you tend to receive when you ask questions about rude ideas?  Well, therein lies the issue with "Adults Only" - it is blunt and many people consider it rude.  It assumes that your guests do not know proper etiquette, which at one time in the not so distant past, actually meant something to people.  To some of us it still does.

We invited very few children to our wedding.  175 invited guests. Invitations addressed to either:

Tom & Sally Jones

or

Mike and Jane Smith
Timmy Smith

On the RSVP card, we put "___" seats have been reserved in your honor, and I wrote the numbers in myself as I was stuffing the envelopes.  Even with a guest list that large, we had 1 person change the number (adding a guest, not a SO).  No one showed up with an uninvited guest. 

I simply cannot be convinced that doing this the appropriate way will cause you to make 50 fucking phone calls to straighten it out.

Maggie0829

@daveANDkristen - it is like I am talking to wall.  The other posters can't seem to understand that a blanket statement such as "adults only" or a cute saying is not going to stop people from still RSVPing for their kids.  Just as those who put "adults only" on their invites are being rude to their guests there are just as many guests that are rude right back for RSVPing for more then are invited. So why even included the "adults only" statement if it really is not going to work?  At least if you don't include it you eliminate one rude thing.

I also don't think, like you daveANDkristen, that all of their guests are going to include additional people on their RSVPs.  One or two, maybe, but really guests are pretty smart cookies and when they read Mr. and Mrs. John Doe on the invite they realize that their kids are not invited.  But maybe I am giving too much credit the guests.

Susieq1178

I don't want to be rude. I do have a concern. I have a friend who is a single mother, I am concerned that she may bring her daughter as her "and guest"... Then what?

Maggie0829

Susieq1178 said:

I don't want to be rude. I do have a concern. I have a friend who is a single mother, I am concerned that she may bring her daughter as her "and guest"... Then what?

If you invite her as "Ms. Friend X and Guest" you have no control over who she can bring as her guest.  That decision is up to her.  If you do not want to chance that she brings her daughter then do not give her a plus one and just invite her as "Ms. Friend X".

daveANDkristen

alisonmarie658 said:

@daveandkristen -- happy anniversary!

Danke!

soon2bpetrick

I have had a similar question myself.  And I ended up coming up with this on my RSVP cards.  

"As much as we love the pitter-patter of little feet, we would like our special day to be a night out for mom and dad and ask that alternate arrangements be made for the little ones."

Anyone who knows my fiance and I know that we love kids. So if anyone who has been invited to our wedding is offended by this they clearly dont know us well enough and I feel their absence on our big day will not be felt. 

People can call that rude but really its the truth and the bottom line is ladies: You have to do what is right for you and your fiance and don't be afraid to turn tradition on its head.  I choose to have a wedding surrounded by friends and family that actually wanna celebrate with me not just come for a free meal out of obligation.

daveANDkristen

Susieq1178 said:

I don't want to be rude. I do have a concern. I have a friend who is a single mother, I am concerned that she may bring her daughter as her "and guest"... Then what?

If she is even just dating someone, they should be invited by name.  If she's truly single then I suppose you could not give her a "plus one" at all.  Would it be so bad if one person had a child there?  I would just let the fact that your wedding is child-free come up naturally in conversation with her.

soon2bpetrick

Who has time for awkward phone calls a month before their wedding?

Maggie0829

I give up!

Rose810

Sometimes guests are coming from far away and have No babysitter for the infant. And are in the wedding ceremony for example bringing up the gifts.

It is So wrong to not include an infant in this situation. Especially  if airline tickets were purchased and there really isn't any one to baby sit the infant.

This happened in our family. The MOB actually called and told the guest No children allowed -

So make sure EVERYONE knows early enough before they purchased airline tickets and hotel rooms. So they can decide if You are worth it!

AprilH81

soon2bpetrick said:

I have had a similar question myself.  And I ended up coming up with this on my RSVP cards.  

"As much as we love the pitter-patter of little feet, we would like our special day to be a night out for mom and dad and ask that alternate arrangements be made for the little ones."

Anyone who knows my fiance and I know that we love kids. So if anyone who has been invited to our wedding is offended by this they clearly dont know us well enough and I feel their absence on our big day will not be felt. 

People can call that rude but really its the truth and the bottom line is ladies: You have to do what is right for you and your fiance and don't be afraid to turn tradition on its head.  I choose to have a wedding surrounded by friends and family that actually wanna celebrate with me not just come for a free meal out of obligation.

No one is saying that a child-free wedding is rude.

However, it is rude to put it on the invitations (no matter how "cute" the phrase is). 

MobKaz

LiaNix said:

I just sent my invitations out last week and added an additional page with info on the hotel and parking etc.  We also said this on the additional page:

"We hope you understand that aside from the Wedding Party, we have chosen to make our special day adults only.  We are very excited to share this special time in our lives with you and want you to enjoy a romantic evening as well."

 

Then we put each guest's name on the response cards, it took a long time but it has definitely made our wishes clear.  When guests tell us that they can't make it because they don't have a sitter, I am offering to provide babysitting in one of the hotel rooms we have booked by certified early childhood educator.  I'm not advertising that ahead of time because I'm not willing to pay to babysit everyone's children.  If people don't like it, I don't care.... my cousin complained about it to me last night and I thought, "I didn't complain when I had to stand in the stinking hot sun with no shade while you were 45 minutes late for the ceremony". It's our party girls... do what you want and don't worry about what anyone else says.

 

 

And this is why the majority of the posters in this thread haven't got a clue as to what is polite and what is ill mannered and rude.  You are having a difficult time grasping this concept because none of you are capable of looking beyond your narrow, self-centered, self-absorbed viewpoint.  What is even scarier is for the few that actually can look beyond yourselves, you simply don't care.

pyakusheva

We simply added "Adults only please" right underneath the RSVP information. No one complained.

It may be rude, but it's YOUR wedding. Our wedding is following very few traditions and this is one of them. Being Russian, I'm not afraid of being blunt.

MobKaz

Maggie0829 said:

I give up!