Wedding Invitations & Paper

Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

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Re: Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

  • I agree if you dont want children present you should be able to say so. I would rather have the invite/rsvp tell me there are no children allowed so I would have plenty of time to find a sitter if I needed to. I wouldnt find it rude. Their wedding their choice. :)
  • I have had a similar question myself.  And I ended up coming up with this on my RSVP cards.  

    "As much as we love the pitter-patter of little feet, we would like our special day to be a night out for mom and dad and ask that alternate arrangements be made for the little ones."

    Anyone who knows my fiance and I know that we love kids. So if anyone who has been invited to our wedding is offended by this they clearly dont know us well enough and I feel their absence on our big day will not be felt. 

    People can call that rude  (and they will, because it is), but really its the truth and the bottom line is ladies: You have to do what is right for you and your fiance (No....you do what's right for your guests...)  and don't be afraid to turn tradition on its head.(Only your guests need to be afraid.) AND TRADITION IS NOT THE SAME AS ETIQUETTE!!!  I choose to have a wedding surrounded by friends and family that actually wanna celebrate with me not just come for a free meal out of obligation.  (And now I see I am not arguing with a rational being because this sentence makes no sense whatsoever and has nothing to do with the flipping topic).
  • @soontobepetrick, you just don't get what this thread is about. Some posters are rude to their friends and family by telling them who is not invited right on their invitation. The thread is not about whether to have kids or not at the wedding. Other posters, do you really want to be rude to ALL your other guests for the sake of the few who can't read an address? Do really think your friends are all so rude that you would have to make fifty phone calls if you didn't put it on the invitation? Where is your groom or mom or FMIL? You ask whomever put that family on the guest list to call their guest and explain the misunderstanding.
  • Okay, I've read every single post in this thread and can see both sides of this issue.
    - Yes, some people will think you rude for including any form of negation to whom they may invite. It doesn't matter how cute you put it, you are saying that in some way, the person they want to invite is going to be a hassle and a hindrance to your wedding.
    - It doesn't matter how strictly you word the RSVP ( __ # of reserved seats, or ___ Mr. John Doe) some people will always bring a +1 or their kids. I think a lot of it depends on where you live and the degree of 'culture' you and yours have.  (My soon to be sister in law got married last year, had a guest list of 100 people.  250+ showed up, including many screaming infants.  We live out in the middle of nowhere in the midwest with a huge local family. It became word of mouth and everyone just showed up. I can't see that happening in...say New York City.. My fiancee actually asked if we even had to send invites and RSVP's because he's positive the same thing will happen at our wedding.  I'm terrified that all of his third cousins twice removed are going to show up in their overalls and muckboots to our intimate semi-formal wedding. I have yet to figure out how to solve this problem...)
    I understand that etiquette is a very touchy subject to some and something very fluid to others.  Regardless of you opinion, there is no need for the level of aggression and cussing that has been in this thread. It is very possible to be blunt about your opinion and still be polite. (and if you prefer it I will name you specifically, Maggie0829).  People, please remember that we're all here to learn from each others experience and TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE is a bit ridiculous.  
    That being said, thank you everyone for putting in your two cents. Your advice is getting me just a bit closer to solving my own problems looming on the horizon. 

  • Iv written, "an adult affair" on my invites to prevent children.
  • I totally disagree.  I have often seen - and used myself - the phrase "adult reception to follow".  I had more people compliment me on the polite wording I used and even more people thank me for ensuring that a bunch of screaming babies and/or ill-mannered kids were not there.
  • First off, thank you for the welcome. I look forward to continuing to read about your and others experiences, as I have for the past year.
    I generally make it a point not to post because I don't have much wedding experience to share but the general direction of this post made me want to do so.
    If I make my post sensible and logical then I don't need to post 200 times. I've got my point across as eloquently as I could and it's up to those who read it to decide whether or not my advice is viable. As an adult, I don't feel the need to scream at others across the internet to tell them that they are wrong and need to shut up. Like many of the 'limiting your guests is rude' crowd have said, just because someone else is rude, doesn't mean you should be rude as well.  
    You are correct though; it was presumptuous of me to ask others in this thread to be polite to their fellow 'Knotties'...just like everyone else is doing with the posts saying that people who include restrictions on their guest cards are boorish, crass and rude.
  • I don't think it's rude to state "adult reception" on your invitation. But it all depends on the crowd. My family has always had large weddings full of their children. I knew that I had to state that it was adult-only or they would assume they could bring their kids.

    I sent a Google Form to request everyone's address so I was able to state that "for the enjoyment of all, we are pleased to host an adults only evening reception," in the address request. Then, it is stated on the website. The time of the wedding helps too as mine is later. I have found that the parents are actually excited about having an evening without kids in tow.
  • Regrettably, Children can not be accommodated. Thank you
  • Meagan831 said:
    First off, thank you for the welcome. I look forward to continuing to read about your and others experiences, as I have for the past year.
    I generally make it a point not to post because I don't have much wedding experience to share but the general direction of this post made me want to do so.
    If I make my post sensible and logical then I don't need to post 200 times. I've got my point across as eloquently as I could and it's up to those who read it to decide whether or not my advice is viable. As an adult, I don't feel the need to scream at others across the internet to tell them that they are wrong and need to shut up. Like many of the 'limiting your guests is rude' crowd have said, just because someone else is rude, doesn't mean you should be rude as well.  
    You are correct though; it was presumptuous of me to ask others in this thread to be polite to their fellow 'Knotties'...just like everyone else is doing with the posts saying that people who include restrictions on their guest cards are boorish, crass and rude.

    I'm glad to see we agree!
  • AprilH81 said:

    Okay... 

    Can you guys at least acknowledge that having a child free wedding (perfectly acceptable) and actually printing "adults only" or similar phrase (not acceptable) are TWO DIFFERENT ISSUES?!?!?

    I think that might help get through to the newbies...

     


    It is FINE to have an adult only wedding!


    It is NOT OK to use phrases on the invitation indicating who you aren't welcoming.

  • banana468 said:

    Okay... 

    Can you guys at least acknowledge that having a child free wedding (perfectly acceptable) and actually printing "adults only" or similar phrase (not acceptable) are TWO DIFFERENT ISSUES?!?!?

    I think that might help get through to the newbies...

     

    It is FINE to have an adult only wedding! It is NOT OK to use phrases on the invitation indicating who you aren't welcoming.

    The ship is sinking, Banana........
    image
  • Meagan831Meagan831 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited September 2013
    Thank you mobkaz for highlighting my post but unfortunately I believe you are taking it out of context. I'm actually on the fence about the whole thing. I think it's a little bit rude to state it so obviously that kids are not wanted at a wedding but I have no idea how I would phrase it to my guests in the situation.  I've seen many of the previous suggestions used for friends weddings to no avail. If you have further suggestions on how to achieve a kid-free wedding without requesting them not to be there, I'm all ears. :)  

    It's interesting to think this 'breach of etiquette vs. completely acceptable' argument on the RSVP's may be the historical marker for when advertising who is not allowed to attend your wedding becomes an outdated.  Think about it - in the 50's, it was considered a complete social gaffe if a woman did not butter, season, and eat an ear of corn one row at a time.  Now, we can all agree that eating corn in that manner seems absolutely ridiculous.  But think of how much ridicule women who just wanted to eat a freakin ear of corn took from other women who called them boorish, crass and rude.
  • Meagan831 said:
    Thank you for highlighting my post but unfortunately I believe you are taking it out of context. I'm actually on the fence about the whole thing. I think it's a little bit rude to state it so obviously that kids are not wanted at a wedding but I have no idea how I would phrase it to my guests in the situation.  I've seen many of the previous suggestions used for friends weddings to no avail. If you have further suggestions on how to achieve a kid-free wedding without requesting them not to be there, I'm all ears. :)  


    That's the whole point, you don't "phrase it" on the invitations in any way, shape or form.  You address the invitation to those invited.  If they respond with more people than invited (whether they are kids or not) you call them (or your FI calls them if it is his family) and you say that you are sorry but you can't accommodate the extra guests. 

    You don't need to give an excuse, as the host you are in control of the guest list but you still have to treat your guests like intelligent adults.  By inviting extra guests, the guests are the ones being rude and not you.

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  • But that's just it! They respond with the amount that you as the bride allot them on the RSVP. Then on the day of, they show up with all their kids in tow and 5 more +1's. In that instance - do you become Bridezilla and turn them all away at the door or do you allow them in and have your other guests mad because either A) they didn't get to bring their +1's and their kids or B) they were expecting a kid free evening/  had to super squish at the dining table because you just had to find a place to fit Aunt Becky's new boyfriend of the month?
  • Meagan831 said:
    But that's just it! They respond with the amount that you as the bride allot them on the RSVP. Then on the day of, they show up with all their kids in tow and 5 more +1's. In that instance - do you become Bridezilla and turn them all away at the door or do you allow them in and have your other guests mad because either A) they didn't get to bring their +1's and their kids or B) they were expecting a kid free evening/  had to super squish at the dining table because you just had to find a place to fit Aunt Becky's new boyfriend of the month?

    Now we are getting into an entirely different etiquette issue...

    All guests who are in a relationship when the invitations go out should be invited by name as long as they define themselves as being a couple (even if you think they are the flavor of the month).  So yes, you should find room for the SO because they are not a generic "plus one".

    If you honestly think that your guests will all show up with 5 extra people I recommend hiring security and providing them with a guest list.  A few potentially rude guests does not mean that you can be rude to everyone else.

    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg

  • AprilH81 said:
    Meagan831 said:
    But that's just it! They respond with the amount that you as the bride allot them on the RSVP. Then on the day of, they show up with all their kids in tow and 5 more +1's. In that instance - do you become Bridezilla and turn them all away at the door or do you allow them in and have your other guests mad because either A) they didn't get to bring their +1's and their kids or B) they were expecting a kid free evening/  had to super squish at the dining table because you just had to find a place to fit Aunt Becky's new boyfriend of the month?

    Now we are getting into an entirely different etiquette issue...

    All guests who are in a relationship when the invitations go out should be invited by name as long as they define themselves as being a couple (even if you think they are the flavor of the month).  So yes, you should find room for the SO because they are not a generic "plus one".

    If you honestly think that your guests will all show up with 5 extra people I recommend hiring security and providing them with a guest list.  A few potentially rude guests does not mean that you can be rude to everyone else.

    And that's where you have the breakdown of what is socially acceptable for some but not others.  If I were to have security at my wedding, my family and my fiancees family would beat me senseless. Those that got turned away would be shocked/hurt/furious to be told that they couldn't be present at the wedding they got all dolled up for and whoever heard of a wedding where children weren't allowed? In some circumstances, it's not just a couple rude guests who try to crash a wedding, it's a giant family network that goes to a wedding en masse and treat it like a gigantic family reunion. They are all great people and would understand the reasons behind a limited guest list if they were somehow told that it was specifically a limited guest list event.  When you live in a very small town (population 2,200 and my fiance is related to about 1/4 of them), everyone is invited unless you say so.
  • I know it may not be proper etiquette to put "adult only" on the invitation, I think it depends on the type of wedding you are having, my fiancé and I are having an outdoor wedding where we are close to a main road and a pond. I don't want ppls children there mainly for their own safety. At almost all of the weddings I have attended the parents get drunk and leave their children to fend for themselves, and everyone else has to babysit for them, I don't want the worry of making sure someone's child doesn't drown at my wedding.. And I feel like if the invite says no children the parents may be relived that they have a reason to leave the kids at home.. I think it is more or less what you find expectable. I think it is up to the individual situation.. Either way you do it, your still saying the same thing
  • To everyone saying its rude to say who isn't invited, it's not as if you are writing Aunt Sara, Uncle Dave, Tom, Steve, and Mary aren't invited your just stating that you want this to be a mature affair
  • How would you feel if you saw "No girls allowed!"?
  • Meagan831 said:

    AprilH81 said:
    Meagan831 said:
    But that's just it! They respond with the amount that you as the bride allot them on the RSVP. Then on the day of, they show up with all their kids in tow and 5 more +1's. In that instance - do you become Bridezilla and turn them all away at the door or do you allow them in and have your other guests mad because either A) they didn't get to bring their +1's and their kids or B) they were expecting a kid free evening/  had to super squish at the dining table because you just had to find a place to fit Aunt Becky's new boyfriend of the month?

    Now we are getting into an entirely different etiquette issue...

    All guests who are in a relationship when the invitations go out should be invited by name as long as they define themselves as being a couple (even if you think they are the flavor of the month).  So yes, you should find room for the SO because they are not a generic "plus one".

    If you honestly think that your guests will all show up with 5 extra people I recommend hiring security and providing them with a guest list.  A few potentially rude guests does not mean that you can be rude to everyone else.

    And that's where you have the breakdown of what is socially acceptable for some but not others.  If I were to have security at my wedding, my family and my fiancees family would beat me senseless. Those that got turned away would be shocked/hurt/furious to be told that they couldn't be present at the wedding they got all dolled up for and whoever heard of a wedding where children weren't allowed? In some circumstances, it's not just a couple rude guests who try to crash a wedding, it's a giant family network that goes to a wedding en masse and treat it like a gigantic family reunion. They are all great people and would understand the reasons behind a limited guest list if they were somehow told that it was specifically a limited guest list event.  When you live in a very small town (population 2,200 and my fiance is related to about 1/4 of them), everyone is invited unless you say so

    If you don't want to hire security then you can spread the word that this is an adults only event through word of mouth.  Tell a few talkative relatives that you aren't inviting children and they will spread the word.  There are ways to get the point across without being rude.
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
  • pinkopal said:
    To everyone saying its rude to say who isn't invited, it's not as if you are writing Aunt Sara, Uncle Dave, Tom, Steve, and Mary aren't invited your just stating that you want this to be a mature affair

    I hope you know that not inviting kids will not make it a "mature affair".  What happens if someone gets drunk and starts a fight or starts stripping on the dance floor?
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
  • AprilH81 said:
    pinkopal said:
    To everyone saying its rude to say who isn't invited, it's not as if you are writing Aunt Sara, Uncle Dave, Tom, Steve, and Mary aren't invited your just stating that you want this to be a mature affair

    I hope you know that not inviting kids will not make it a "mature affair".  What happens if someone gets drunk and starts a fight or starts stripping on the dance floor?
    Then at least we can all be happy that there weren't any kids there to see it :)
  • How would you feel if you saw "No girls allowed!"?
    Catch a second wind, did you?
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