Excluding a "group friend" from Bridal Party

tahoe2014

How should I approach excluding one friend from my bridal party?  

I have a group of 3 girlfriends from grad school, but only want to include 2 of them as bridesmaids.  The third is a great girl and I value her friendship, but I don't feel as close to her as I do the other two.  I'm looking at a total of 6 bridesmaids, which is already 1 more than the groomsmen.  I really don't want to have more than 6 (and even if I had 1 more...another friend from high school would be my next choice).

The problem is, the girl that I am debating excluding has a strong "not being included" complex.  She makes comments when she's not invited somewhere, and gets offended when she's not equally included.  I'm struggling because I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't feel I should have to include her just for the sake of those feelings.

Has anyone dealt with something like this?  Would it be appropriate to have her have some other role in the wedding, such as programs, greeting, escorting, etc?  Any advice is appreciated!  Thanks.

banana468

Could you ask her to do a reading?  Greeting or handing out programs would be rather insulting but asking her to do a reading is fine.

I don't think you should ask her to be in the BP just because she's a squeaky wheel when she's irritated.    If you're not that close to her then you're not that close to her.

FWIW, I was someone not asked to be in a friend's BP.   Sure I was bummed but I got over it.    Our friendship matters way more than weather or not I was in a matching dress that day. 

Ajuliana

Yeah...she's an adult, right?  Just don't make it some top secret deal, which will only make her complex worse.  Just ask the two to be bridesmaids, ask her to do a reading as PP suggested, or let her be a guest (preferably with a plus one since the other friends will be busy).  

misssunshine17

You don't need to include her, but don't make a big deal out of it. Just make sure you're not including her because you're not close and not because you're stuck on a BP of 6. 

manateehugger

Are you not including her because you don't want her as a bridesmaids or because you don't want seven bridesmaids and five groomsmen?

If it's the former, she'll get over it. Don't purposely exclude her in everyday life and treat her how you normally would.  

If it's the latter, I'd say she would have the right to be peeved. 

FizzySips

This happened to me and it did not turn out well. I have 2 BM and there is one good friend who i decided not to include in the bridal party (multiple reasons, shes a new mom, just starting back to work) She was very hurt, talked to one of the BM about it and it was a big deal. Not saying this will happen to you, but I had a very hurt friend with whom i had to do some serious damage control.

itzMS

This sort of happened to me about 4 years ago.

A bride was stuck on having 5 bridesmaids to match her FI's 5 groomsmen. The decision for the "last spot" was between me and another girl...she chose the other girl.

It was really lame...and she had no good reason. She's admitted now...in retrospect...how lame it was to not ask me to be a bridesmaid.

NYCBruin

If it was me, I would just include her.

I was at a wedding last year where all of the groom's college roommates were groomsmen except one.  The not included one didn't care, but everyone else commented on how odd it was.  It also made people assume the bride was crazy since having even sides was the only reason people could come up with for not including the one guy.  It basically started a lot of unnecessary gossip.  I can only imagine how much more whispering would have been going on if the guy was actually upset about it.

Jen4948

Well, if you really don't want to ask her, you don't have to, but I think it will be awkward if you get together with her socially as well as your other bridesmaids because while it wouldn't be polite to discuss wedding-party-related matters in her presence, refraining from doing so could be hard for you and the other bridesmaids.

Colls39

Don't let the "right" number dictate your decision. If there was no magic number in your head, would you want her to be a bridesmaid? That being said, don't feel pressured into choosing her because she's a part of your friend group; your bridesmaids should be the people you want up there with you, not the people you feel pressured to have up there with you.

nikole712

I would just include her, she will probably be so happy you asked her. Also, if you want to include your high school friend I would include her as well. Don't get stuck on numbers or even sides. Our wedding party does not have even sides. I did not want a large bridal party, so I just have 3 bridesmaids, however, FI has 2 cousins he is close to, 3 best friends and wanted to include my brother so he has 6 on his side. No big deal.

Bubbles2014

I had the same problem. I am friends with 2 girls but way closer to one than the other (we see each other every few weeks for lunch, the other I see once every few months. I ended up just asking the one I'm closest to. I decided that it was more important for me to only have people that were really close to me as my BMs. This choice actually resulted in an uneven wedding party.