Sister got pregnant right after I got engaged

Amore627

Hi everyone, I think I'm mostly writing this post to vent and to see if what I'm feeling is understandable. My sister and I are very close. She's a year younger and she got married about 2 years ago. I was her maid of honor. Even though it stung just a little for my younger sister to marry before me, I was thrilled for her and loved being her maid of honor. I recently got engaged 3 months ago and was very excited. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor since she's my best friend. I started having visions of planning together, the bachelorette party/shower, dress shopping, etc (all the things a girl would want her sister to be part of). It felt like I'd waited for this moment for a long time. Well just last week my mom told me that my sister is currently trying to get pregnant. I felt a mixture of emotions but mostly I felt hurt that my sister hadn't talked to me about it. When I talked to her she explained that she can't live her life based on others and that even though her pregnancy would occur during the year before my wedding, that it felt like the right time for her. To be honest, I can't help but feel a bit upset. I hate myself for sounding selfish but I feel that my sisters pregnancy will take away from my wedding a little. You see my sister has some medical issues so I know her pregnancy will likely cause some anxiety in the family. As it turns out, I found out my sister is pregnant and due in May. My wedding is in July. Of course when she told me I acted extremely happy and I am truly happy. I just can't help but feel a little bummed though. I know that my sis will be very preoccupied with her pregnancy and silly things like dress shopping or my bachelorette party etc might not be priorities for her. To be honest it's not that I'm worried about her fulfilling any sort of MOH responsibilities or anything, it's more that I feel as though she might have discussed this whole thing with me prior to going ahead and doing it. My wedding is only a year away... I guess I'm wondering why she couldn't just wait one more year to have a baby! She's young (27) and has so much time ahead of her. I really hope this post doesn't come across as selfish ... Just wanted to see if any of my feelings are justified. Of course I'm not sharing them with my sis and will continue to show her nothing but happiness. Thanks for any responses.

Bubbles2014

Your sister (or anyone for the matter) is allowed to live her life on her terms, on her timeline. She can't drop everything because you are getting married. On your wedding day (the one day you get) the attention will be on you. All the other days it probably won't be, and it doesn't have to be.

lauraweston2

No. I agree with you. She already knew you were getting married she could've waited just a little bit of time. she'll have a baby shower then you'll have a bridal shower, everyone's wallets and excitement will be split between the two of you. Nothing you can do about it, nothing you should do. be happy for her and you.

6fsn

Well, you do sound selfish.  There are a million reasons why she wouldn't talk to youabout it and a million more why now might have been the right time or maybe even an oops time.  Women can be pregnant and do all of the things you were envisioning.  People can also be happy about two things at once- your wedding and her baby.

Feel what you want, but there's nothing you can do.

Ven&Radio

You do sound selfish. However, it's better you vented to strangers on the Internet than to your sister or another family member. Your sister will still be involved in your wedding and she's due far enough in advance there should be no issues with her attending. Overall, this should be a happy situation.

mrsconn23

You can feel what you want to feel, however you can also look at this as an exciting time for your family.  You're going to welcome two new family members in just a couple months, a new niece/nephew and your soon to be H.   There can be o much joy that goes along with planning for a wedding and a baby.  Why can't it be shared and multiplied between the two of you and your family?

tawillers

Yes, selfish.  Essentially, you think she should come to you before she makes life decisions.  How absurd.  Really, what if she DID come to you?  Would you have told her to wait?  Think about how that would affect your relationship.

You should just be relieved you didn't say this out loud to anyone you know.

6fsn

My math may be rusty, but is the pee on the stick even dry? 

 

mrsconn23

Yeah, that baby should be due in April, not May...Maybe even March.

I got my + test on July 28th and I was due April 3rd.

Amore627

Ok everyone thanks for setting me straight.. Just needed to hear it from some outsiders. Had a selfish moment and it was good to hear it. Having 2 occasions to celebrate is far better than 1. Just need to get over myself!

alikatt17

You are clearly forgetting the most important part of this: designated driver at the bachelorette party.

Pregnant or not, your wedding is never going to be her #1 priority.  It's really only important to you and your FI.

NerdyLucy

Amore627 said:

Ok everyone thanks for setting me straight.. Just needed to hear it from some outsiders. Had a selfish moment and it was good to hear it. Having 2 occasions to celebrate is far better than 1. Just need to get over myself!

As PPs have already said, it's probably better to vent here than to air some of this out loud.  Get it out of your system.  You're worried, surprised, etc.  How you feel is how you feel, but you can control how you act.

Give it some time and you'll start to see the good in the situation.  We all have selfish thoughts from time to time.

MayDay513

Amore627 said:

Hi everyone, I think I'm mostly writing this post to vent and to see if what I'm feeling is understandable. My sister and I are very close. She's a year younger and she got married about 2 years ago. I was her maid of honor. Even though it stung just a little for my younger sister to marry before me, I was thrilled for her and loved being her maid of honor. I recently got engaged 3 months ago and was very excited. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor since she's my best friend. I started having visions of planning together, the bachelorette party/shower, dress shopping, etc (all the things a girl would want her sister to be part of). It felt like I'd waited for this moment for a long time. Well just last week my mom told me that my sister is currently trying to get pregnant. I felt a mixture of emotions but mostly I felt hurt that my sister hadn't talked to me about it. When I talked to her she explained that she can't live her life based on others and that even though her pregnancy would occur during the year before my wedding, that it felt like the right time for her. To be honest, I can't help but feel a bit upset. I hate myself for sounding selfish but I feel that my sisters pregnancy will take away from my wedding a little. You see my sister has some medical issues so I know her pregnancy will likely cause some anxiety in the family. As it turns out, I found out my sister is pregnant and due in May. My wedding is in July. Of course when she told me I acted extremely happy and I am truly happy. I just can't help but feel a little bummed though. I know that my sis will be very preoccupied with her pregnancy and silly things like dress shopping or my bachelorette party etc might not be priorities for her. To be honest it's not that I'm worried about her fulfilling any sort of MOH responsibilities or anything, it's more that I feel as though she might have discussed this whole thing with me prior to going ahead and doing it. My wedding is only a year away... I guess I'm wondering why she couldn't just wait one more year to have a baby! She's young (27) and has so much time ahead of her. I really hope this post doesn't come across as selfish ... Just wanted to see if any of my feelings are justified. Of course I'm not sharing them with my sis and will continue to show her nothing but happiness. Thanks for any responses.

There is literally a Bridezillas episode where the bride trips out at her best friend about getting pregnant just to get attention because she got engaged.  OP- I am not calling you a bridezilla at all.

I get you are frustrated. But you can't control how she lives her life and what she does with her body. What she and her DH deem to be the perfect time to start having children has nothing to do with you. Be happy for her, I'm sure she is happy for you. I am sure she is probably going to figure it out all the wedding stuff.

Edited for typos

PirateBarbie

Amore627 said:

Hi everyone, I think I'm mostly writing this post to vent and to see if what I'm feeling is understandable. My sister and I are very close. She's a year younger and she got married about 2 years ago. I was her maid of honor. Even though it stung just a little for my younger sister to marry before me, I was thrilled for her and loved being her maid of honor. I recently got engaged 3 months ago and was very excited. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor since she's my best friend. I started having visions of planning together, the bachelorette party/shower, dress shopping, etc (all the things a girl would want her sister to be part of). It felt like I'd waited for this moment for a long time. Well just last week my mom told me that my sister is currently trying to get pregnant. I felt a mixture of emotions but mostly I felt hurt that my sister hadn't talked to me about it. When I talked to her she explained that she can't live her life based on others and that even though her pregnancy would occur during the year before my wedding, that it felt like the right time for her. To be honest, I can't help but feel a bit upset. I hate myself for sounding selfish but I feel that my sisters pregnancy will take away from my wedding a little. You see my sister has some medical issues so I know her pregnancy will likely cause some anxiety in the family. As it turns out, I found out my sister is pregnant and due in May. My wedding is in July. Of course when she told me I acted extremely happy and I am truly happy. I just can't help but feel a little bummed though. I know that my sis will be very preoccupied with her pregnancy and silly things like dress shopping or my bachelorette party etc might not be priorities for her. To be honest it's not that I'm worried about her fulfilling any sort of MOH responsibilities or anything, it's more that I feel as though she might have discussed this whole thing with me prior to going ahead and doing it. My wedding is only a year away... I guess I'm wondering why she couldn't just wait one more year to have a baby! She's young (27) and has so much time ahead of her. I really hope this post doesn't come across as selfish ... Just wanted to see if any of my feelings are justified. Of course I'm not sharing them with my sis and will continue to show her nothing but happiness. Thanks for any responses.

it sounds like she did, and you're just not satisfied with her answer. she doesn't owe you, or anyone else any explanation as to why this was the right time/decision for her and her husband to have a child. for all you know, they have been trying for months, and just got pregnant. did you and your FI clear your engagement with anyone so as not to jack their thunder? maybe you should postpone your wedding so you don't get married in the same year that your sister has her baby. why should she put her life on hold if you're not willing to do the same?

bethsmiles

You seriously think she should have consulted with you on whether or not she should have a baby now? You are being completely ridiculous!

Guess what - people can be happy about multiple things. Your family (including your sister) can be happy and excited for your wedding and her pregnancy at the same time! There is not a happiness level no one can go over. You can chat with her about wedding stuff and she can chat with you about baby things. There is zero reason to be upset. You should be ecstatic that you get to become an aunt soon!

You have decided to be negative about this. You decided that she wouldn't be interested in your wedding anymore. But you have no evidence to back this. Just because your sister has big things going on in her life doesn't mean she isn't excited about what is going on in your life.

Amore627

Ok everyone I got it. This was my first time writing on a forum and I didn't realize how rude some people are. Nothing in my original post was rude and I was just seeking some feedback. I was responsive in a positive way to your feedback and don't feel that I need to be villainized here for expressing an initial feeling I had. Of course I am happy to become an aunt. As I said before my sister is my best friend and I love her very much. I guess I was just feeling overwhelmed by both my wedding and her pregnancy going on at the same time. Anyone with a big Italian family may understand. Thanks to those who offered constructive responses.

MayDay513

Amore627 said:

Ok everyone I got it. This was my first time writing on a forum and I didn't realize how rude some people are. Nothing in my original post was rude and I was just seeking some feedback. I was responsive in a positive way to your feedback and don't feel that I need to be villainized here for expressing an initial feeling I had. Of course I am happy to become an aunt. As I said before my sister is my best friend and I love her very much. I guess I was just feeling overwhelmed by both my wedding and her pregnancy going on at the same time. Anyone with a big Italian family may understand. Thanks to those who offered constructive responses.

I hope you feel better and you find joy in all of this. Flush all the negative thoughts away. I have a hard time understanding why you are overwhelmed with someone else pregnancy, the hormones don't effect you.

bethsmiles

Amore627 said:

Ok everyone I got it. This was my first time writing on a forum and I didn't realize how rude some people are. Nothing in my original post was rude and I was just seeking some feedback. I was responsive in a positive way to your feedback and don't feel that I need to be villainized here for expressing an initial feeling I had. Of course I am happy to become an aunt. As I said before my sister is my best friend and I love her very much. I guess I was just feeling overwhelmed by both my wedding and her pregnancy going on at the same time. Anyone with a big Italian family may understand. Thanks to those who offered constructive responses.

No one was rude to you. People gave their honest opinions and giving you the feedback you wanted. Just because you don't like what they had to say doesn't make it rude. Nobody villainized you either. You said you hoped your post didn't come across as selfish - but it did. From your post it sounds like you needed a bit a reality check and that's what you got from the responses here - blunt, honest answers that people in real like might not be willing to give you because it would hurt your feelings.

There is no reason to be overwhelmed by these two events (and my SO comes from a big Italian family). You just need to change your perspective on the situation. Don't look at your sister pregnancy as stealing your thunder but instead as an event that is just going to add more joy to the time surrounding your wedding. Don't assume she won't be interested in your wedding. Give her a chance. But don't have unrealistic expectations either. She is pregnant and that is going to be her focus, just like your wedding is your focus. Just don't expect everyone to care about your wedding as much as you do and you'll be a lot happier.

hmonkey

Amore627 said:

She's a year younger and she got married about 2 years ago. 

She's young (27) and has so much time ahead of her.

cbrown828

My sister was pregnant (and now has an amazingly adorable 4 month old) during my engagement. My brother's FI got pregnant and they got married, and now have an also amazingly adorable 2 month old, during my engagement. Guess what? My family is still excited about my wedding. Life is so good with these beautiful babies around. I've never once felt like my experience has been "taken away from" because of the babies or the other wedding. Hope venting here helped you get some perspective.

Bubblegum5586

I have been with FI almost 8 years and in that time his older brother married (I was a BM) then got divorced 18 months later. Then got engaged again (which I felt a pang of jealousy that I was in the last wedding, a part of the family for 4 years and the new GF gets proposed to first). Then FI proposes and 2 months later is his brothers wedding. I was excited that it would be my time (after their wedding) to talk about me and FI. Well 6 weeks after their wedding they are prego! I was worried I wouldn't get the same attention she got the year leading up to her wedding because now I had to share that with the arrival of the FIRST grandchild!

Well we had the baby shower (before my wedding shower) and now my niece is here and its awesome!!! I am just so excited for our wedding plus all this other good news.... looking back I feel silly I even felt that pang of jealousy. All these life events are beautiful and all should be celebrated! If everyone waited for everyone to get married before living their own lives.... NOTHING WOULD EVER HAPPEN! 

OP I realize this is your sister vs your FSIL like for me. But you will have a beautiful niece or nephew soon and you will look back and realized how great all these HAPPY things are!

6fsn

I still want to know how the math works on this.

grumbledore

Amore627 said:

Hi everyone, I think I'm mostly writing this post to vent and to see if what I'm feeling is understandable. My sister and I are very close. She's a year younger and she got married about 2 years ago. I was her maid of honor. Even though it stung just a little for my younger sister to marry before me, I was thrilled for her and loved being her maid of honor. I recently got engaged 3 months ago and was very excited. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor since she's my best friend. I started having visions of planning together, the bachelorette party/shower, dress shopping, etc (all the things a girl would want her sister to be part of). It felt like I'd waited for this moment for a long time. Well just last week my mom told me that my sister is currently trying to get pregnant. I felt a mixture of emotions but mostly I felt hurt that my sister hadn't talked to me about it. When I talked to her she explained that she can't live her life based on others and that even though her pregnancy would occur during the year before my wedding, that it felt like the right time for her. To be honest, I can't help but feel a bit upset. I hate myself for sounding selfish but I feel that my sisters pregnancy will take away from my wedding a little. You see my sister has some medical issues so I know her pregnancy will likely cause some anxiety in the family. As it turns out, I found out my sister is pregnant and due in May. My wedding is in July. Of course when she told me I acted extremely happy and I am truly happy. I just can't help but feel a little bummed though. I know that my sis will be very preoccupied with her pregnancy and silly things like dress shopping or my bachelorette party etc might not be priorities for her. To be honest it's not that I'm worried about her fulfilling any sort of MOH responsibilities or anything, it's more that I feel as though she might have discussed this whole thing with me prior to going ahead and doing it. My wedding is only a year away... I guess I'm wondering why she couldn't just wait one more year to have a baby! She's young (27) and has so much time ahead of her. I really hope this post doesn't come across as selfish ... Just wanted to see if any of my feelings are justified. Of course I'm not sharing them with my sis and will continue to show her nothing but happiness. Thanks for any responses.

It does and they aren't.

Clpapke83

Sounds to me like you just need to prepare yourself for people to be asking you when your gonna be having a baby while you are at your little sisters baby shower.

amandaelsen

I was pregnant during the year leading up to my sister's wedding (an oops), and now my sister is pregnant for the year leading up to my wedding (planned). Her wedding way overshadowed my pregnancy due to her groom's family involvement, but we're going to be pretty equal for my wedding. 

None of us can expect people to plan their lives around the fact that we are getting married. And 27 really isn't young for having babies. Maybe she wants to be done having kids before she's 30. Baby timing is all about the mom and the dad. They really don't have to consult anyone else.

One of my cousins actually got pregnant, and her due date was her sister's wedding date. Her sister ended up pushing her wedding back a few months.

Its all right to be a little selfish when you are getting married, but the world doesn't revolve around you.

Amyliz1215

Did you even thnk about it from her point of view? She is having a very exciting time in her life, too. She is graciously sharing the "spotlight" with you. You should do the same. My best friend and bridesmaid told me about a month ago that she is pregnant. She is due less than 3 months before my wedding. My first thought? Not "omg how will this affect me?!" It was "wow, so happy for her."