apparently, this is a thing...

Lowell14

http://www.ehow.com/how_4962898_tell-someone-not-invited-wedding.html#ixzz2DNSh4jR6

I also came across 'do not save the date' cards when looking at invite ideas...

Peaseblossom55

What???? That is god awful!

MayDay513

I would just think they were spoofs. But isn't there a 6-7 page thread about how to tell someone they aren't invited?

Lowell14

huynhette said:

I would just think they were spoofs. But isn't there a 6-7 page thread about how to tell someone they aren't invited?

I think you are right about the cards being spoofs, now that I went back to the site. But I couldn't believe someone gave the list of advice. Even as a joke, you know someone in the world will sadly follow the advice

southernbelle0915

Yea, this is a super rude trend. They're getting a ton of bad press from everywhere from TK to CNN so I doubt it's a trend that will hang on for very long. The people that follow it will probably regret it.

allispain

Oh my. There's not a single good piece of advice on there. From coming up with a set number of invitees before actually sitting down to figure out who you want to invite to b-listing people to telling them they're not invited (but can still come help with x, y, and z). Yikes.

Ven&Radio

Wow.

One of FI's cousins asked me a couple months ago if her children were invited to our wedding. I politely explained we were only inviting adults. Apparently she found it horribly rude that 'she found out that way'. I'm still trying to figure out what she would have considered acceptable (or if anything short of "of course they're invited" would have been horribly rude to her).

tammym1001

Ven&Radio said:

Wow. One of FI's cousins asked me a couple months ago if her children were invited to our wedding. I politely explained we were only inviting adults. Apparently she found it horribly rude that 'she found out that way'. I'm still trying to figure out what she would have considered acceptable (or if anything short of "of course they're invited" would have been horribly rude to her).

I'm pretty sure that was what she meant. It wasn't the way you told her, it was that they weren't invited.

lisabeats

prettybirdy27 said:

Aww, maybe someone should do that to jashley?

TOS to the wind... you just officially won the Internet.

efmcc67

Of all the entitled bride behavior, I really don't get asking people to help plan who aren't invited. Why the flying fuck would they want to help you with your wedding? Do you really think you're that special?

TKzilla

HisGirlFriday13

I will say this, when I first saw this article, a few months ago, I thought, "Wow! That's horribly rude! Why would you ever tell anyone they're *not* invited to your wedding?"

Then FI and I started getting e-mails and FB messages and texts from people, "Hey, do you need our addresses for STDate cards and invites? We're excited about your wedding!" 

And these were people we hadn't told about the engagement, hadn't talked to in months, hadn't given any hint to that they'd be invited.

Suddenly, I understood the need to tell people, "I'm sorry, but we're having a family and close friends only, very small, wedding."

If their feelings are hurt that they aren't considered "close friends"....well, that's not my fault, now is it?

I did not, FTR, ask any of them to help us with anything. That's just tacky as hell.

nebullama

Perhaps the most appalling part is in the "Tips & Warnings" below the main article where they suggest that you should try to invite people to your shower who are not on the wedding guest list.  You can't come to my wedding but you can still have a chance to give me a gift.  What a lovely consolation prize!

AJuliaNJ

8. Do not send the person an email, but rather give them a call and meet them in person.

If I liked this person enough to call them or meet them in person, they probably would have been invited to the wedding! 

---------------------------------------

9. Explain to them your budget for the wedding and let them know how important they are to you.

Example: I would really love for you to be in attendance on such a special day in my life, but because of out tight budget for the wedding, I was not able to invite as many people as I would have liked. But if possible, I would love for you to help me_______(find a dress, look for a shoes, pick a cake, etc...)

Who the hell would want to help pick out a dress or shoes for a wedding they are not even invited to?

AJuliaNJ

Never flat out say, "You are not invited," but make it clear that there is a reason. If possible, invite them to be a part of the wedding by being a host or hosts. Also, invite them to your wedding shower, if possible.

I don't even understand this. How would you be the host of a wedding you are not invited to? Also, aren't hosts typically the bride or groom or their parents if they paid for it? How would you word the invite?

Mr. and Mrs. Not-Good-Enough-to-be-Invited

request the honor of your presence at the wedding of...

PatriceC59

This whole idea is horrible.  What happened to just gently saying to someone that your wedding is going to be limited/smaller than you'd like and you're sorry??  And yes, I agree with PP's that asking someone to do anything for you wedding-wise once they know they are not invited is beyond tacky.  

bullfrogmama

I am sorry, but this is cracking me up. I am about to go ask someone to be the host of my wedding. Seriously, I wish I would have read this article months ago! I had no idea I didn't have to host my own wedding!!

AJuliaNJ

fyrefly76 said:

AJuliaNJ said:

 If possible, invite them to be a part of the wedding by being a host or hosts. Also, invite them to your wedding shower, if possible.

I think this means that you should invite them to host a party or shower for you.  You can't come to my wedding, but if you want to spend your hard-earned money and a bunch of your time, you can throw me a party so that others can give me gifts!  Though that second sentence also seems to say that you should throw your own shower, so there's that.

This happened to my co-worker! She was asked to throw a shower for someone who was having a wedding on a Caribbean island. She threw the shower and later found out she wasn't even invited to the wedding because they were keeping it small. She was actually looking forward to the trip because she assumed she was invited. No matter what this article is advising they host, it is so rude!

misshart00

I hosted a shower for someone and found out later I wasn't invited to the wedding. It sucked.