Military Brides

Quick Wedding..

edited July 2013 in Military Brides
Any ways we can fundraiser before our wedding. It's in two ways? Or how we should even announce our plans without hurting our families feelings? We won't have a reception. Or shower. Is there a site where we can direct people to if they want to donate to our wedding/honeymoon? Something maybe like pay pal but for weddings.. ?

Re: Quick Wedding..

  • manjermjmanjermj
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2013
    If you are inviting people to your wedding in Vegas, then you have to host them in some way after the ceremony. If it's at a non-meal time then cake and drinks is fine, but if its at a lunch/dinner time you have to feed them real food.

    If in 2015 you have a big party to celebrate your marriage that is fine too. It unfortunately will not be a reception. 

    Finally, if you don't want gifts, don't register. People will get the hint. If they still want to get you something, they will or they might just give you cash instead. 

    What's the difference of going to Vegas then just going to your courthouse or small chapel in your town? You can save yourselves and your family a heck of a lot of money (flights/hotels) by having it local instead. 

    And in all honesty, if you are going to be living separate for the good part of the next 1 to 1 1/2 years, then why not just save up and have the wedding of your dreams all at once in 2015?
    heavennicole
  • Oh and I just re-read that last part. You absolutely CANNOT ask your friends and family to help pay for your wedding. If they want to help pay they will offer. If they don't offer then they don't want to pay. A lot of people's parents don't pay for their children's weddings and I think it's kinda silly that you expect them too. If you are adult enough to get married and be in the miltary then you are adult enough to pinch your pennies and save up for a wedding.
  • We don't have time to save up for a wedding. I leave this Novemer an we will not even see each other until 2015. That is why we are choosing Vegas. It is our last chance to have a special moment together. Our last chance to getaway with each other before he deploys. Being in the military means making a lot of sacrifices. We are not going to a courthouse because that is not in anyway special to us, nor is heading to the local chapel.

    It is not silly I expect my family to chip in for our wedding. Parents of the Bride usually help out their daughter.

    Most peope hold bridal showers,bachelorette parties, wedding recptions and register somewhere. We are not having any of that. We are just going to Vegas to get married so that we have one last special memory togeher.

    I was more so looking for resources that we can set up in the event that our family does want to help out. We won't have any time for an engagement party or any of the other things couples usually have but we dont wan our family to feel slighted. Your response was no way helpful it was more attacking and that is NOT what we are looking for.

  • First, if you are in the service, you should be well versed in OPSEC.  Please take the date of your FI deployment out of your post.  

    Second, it is absolutely rude to ask people for money to pay for your wedding in lieu of gifts.  If you can't pay for the wedding you want in Vegas, have a small civil ceremony closer to home.  


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  • Yeah no it is not required that family pays for the wedding. If they offer then great if not, well it is their money and they can do what they want with it. You sound awfully entitled in your post. You want your Vegas wedding but want family to pay for it. How about you and your FI just elope since all you want is your special day together.
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    NYCMercedes
  • manjermjmanjermj
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2013

    We don't have time to save up for a wedding. I leave this Novemer an we will not even see each other until 2015. That is why we are choosing Vegas. It is our last chance to have a special moment together. Our last chance to getaway with each other before he deploys. Being in the military means making a lot of sacrifices. We are not going to a courthouse because that is not in anyway special to us, nor is heading to the local chapel.

    It is not silly I expect my family to chip in for our wedding. Parents of the Bride usually help out their daughter.

    Most peope hold bridal showers,bachelorette parties, wedding recptions and register somewhere. We are not having any of that. We are just going to Vegas to get married so that we have one last special memory togeher.

    I was more so looking for resources that we can set up in the event that our family does want to help out. We won't have any time for an engagement party or any of the other things couples usually have but we dont wan our family to feel slighted. Your response was no way helpful it was more attacking and that is NOT what we are looking for.

    --------------------------------------------- End Quote


    I'm glad that you thought I was attacking you, when in reality, I was responding to your question from an etiquette stand point like you had asked. If you don't believe me, I'm sure there will be loads of other people on here telling you the same thing - that it is improper and rude to ask your parents to pay for your wedding. It's 2013! Nowadays adults are financially independent and save up and pay for their own weddings - myself included. Oh and we didn't have an engagement party and my family in no way felt slighted. No one is entitled to all of those parties. They are gifts that are offered by family or friends, but no one HAS to have them for you.

    A very helpful suggestion would be to wait until after your FI's deployment and save over that time and have the wedding that you want in 2015. That would be your best option. 
  • January is obviously not when he will be in Afganistan. Pre mob training takes 1-4 months depending on the unit ... Etc. January is when his training starts. I am very well aware of OPSEC.

    I have had friends who asked instead of gifts to donate to their honeymoon and I was looking for a why of doing something like that. Asking friends and family that if they feel inclined to donate and would like to assit that they can go to this place and donate. Ive seen it tons of times for people wanting a honeymoon and I was hoping to find some way of going about it that way.

    I dont by any means feel entilted. I am inviting people to come but I know people will want to give us a gift or a card or something.. and was looking for a resource for tHOSE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DONATE.. not trying to force them into anything.

     

  • If they want to give you money they will find a way to give you money. There is no resource that you need to find. You don't ask and you don't set up a website so that people can donate. If you want cash, don't register for gifts and people will get the idea to give cash IF they want to give you a gift at all.
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    NYCMercedes
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2013
    You're ridiculous. No, you cannot ask for people to donate for your wedding. You're not a charity. Grow up, pay for your wedding. 

    I hate posts like this. Why are people so entitled?
    I hate Dave Ramsey
    QueerFemme
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2013
    Also, you're contradicting yourself. Pre deployment training is not "deploying overseas" as you said in your OP. Either way, you should be more careful. Even if he's going to Korea or something. 

    ETA: Dude. You're clearly not well versed in OPSEC, email the knot gods ASAP to change your screen name.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited July 2013
    Elope to. Vegas. If anyone comes with you, invite them to dinner. Then send out announcements immediately after the wedding. Do not register. You will get mainly checks in the mail as gifts, as people know how to give $$$. When you return, have a big welcome home party with DJ, cake, booze, the whole nine yards". Wear a pretty dress. Done.
    heavennicoleTheVirginians
  • Why did you change your original post?  You were quoted so it's here for all to see.
    NYCMercedes
  • Holy freaking crap, OP, 90% of your post makes it sound like either you or your FI is on your death bed.  "It's our only opportunity to have this special moment", "we want one last special moment together."  You really just sound like total drama.  He's not going to death row, he's going on a deployment.  You could easily have your special moment when he gets home and have it with your family so they don't feel slighted.  Trust me, your family is not going to feel slighted because they couldn't give you a gift.  They're going to be upset and hurt that they weren't important enough to be there when you exchanged your vows.  Trust me, I don't go to a wedding because I have a burning desire to buy someone a 16 slice toaster, I go to a wedding because I want to share and witness a special moment in a good friend or family member's life.
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    kmmssgNYCMercedesDancingChic005TheVirginians
  • Dude, as much as people tell you they want to help out, they sure as heck ain't gonna go to a website and donate. If they want to give you money to help out with your wedding, they will! You don't create a website to direct them too. What part of that don't you get?? H's mom gave us money to help with the wedding. I didn't ask, and I didn't even expect it. She just gave it to us. I didn't direct her to freaking a website to donate. Do you not see how rude that sounds?? And newsflash, all these people who are "offering" to help. I wouldn't count on it anyway. Pay for the wedding you can afford, if people give you money, great, then you can spring for something extra. 
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    NYCMercedes
  • And I'm going to throw out that lovely question out there.  My question is: How old are you? Have you and your FI gone through any type of deployment together prior to this? 
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    kmmssgNYCMercedes
  • If people ask if they can help with a celebration, maybe ask if they'll help with a meal after the ceremony so everyone can gather...more informal than the big to-do, but a celebration.  I would think a restaurant could do a private room....maybe more like what folks do for a rehearsal but it will be after the vows so it changes the role.

    As PP said, you should not ASK for money.  If people OFFER, have them pitch in on the above, either w/ funds or with organizing help (which it sounds like you need).  Just tell them you are going to Vegas and might do something small but haven't had time to look into it.  If they want to help, they'll offer but it isn't pushing for that (which is not appropriate).

    Fundraising sites are a rip-off.  And they become an "implied ask"....the existence suggests you expect folks to use it. 

    Another point:  Etiquette is etiquette.  Yes, people here may deem it rude.  It is information for you to use when YOU decide what YOU are going to do.  We're giving feedback on a concept, it is possible to ignore it.  Though beware that others may feel the way the commenters do and may feel you are being rude.  Or maybe they won't...your call.   (sorry...poorly written, can't sleep yet but a bit fuzzy minded!)

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  • If you want to fundraise for your wedding, do like most of us did and get a second job. Or, stop buying Starbucks. People know couples want cash. Duh.

    NYCMercedes
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