Different ways of the doing the bouquet and garter toss

heidirs731

I know it's going out of style but my groom and I would really like to do the bouquet and garter toss. However, most of our guests will be married or in a relationship, so it seems silly to invite all the single people to the toss when there will only be a handful and most people don't like being singled out anyway.

I've always envisioned the bouquet and garter toss as good luck charms in the way of love, not as an indication of who will get married next, so I was considering inviting ALL women onto the floor who would like to participate. Not sure what to do about the garter toss, I guess invite all the guys too.

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas. We'd really like to do the tosses, we just don't want to alienate the single people. I've been looking online for ideas, but most have to do with replacing the tosses and not reworking them, which is what I'd like to do.

harper0813

Have the DJ invite all men and all women out onto the floor for each toss. Attach gift cards to the garter and bouquet.

manateehugger

zobird said:

Have the DJ invite all men and all women out onto the floor for each toss. Attach gift cards to the garter and bouquet.

This is basically what we are doing. We might attach lottery tickets instead. I've seen it done recently, and let me tell you - there are a heck of a lot more people who participate/care/have fun with it when there's an actual incentive involved.

thisismynickname2

If I recall my wedding history, the garter toss came about because it was overall good luck to have a piece of the bride's outfit. In ye olden days, people used to rip the bride's dress. So that's why the garter was chosen as the one acceptable way to distribute the good luck.

I'd agree that the lotto ticket thing is cute because the lotto's about luck.... See if the DJ or announcer can work in a bit of history so it's more meaningful and not just a mad dash for lotto tickets. 

heidirs731

Attaching prizes is one idea. I'm not sure how I feel about it, though. It kinda becomes more about the lotto tickets about the good luck charm. I also read about attaching charms or wishes or even candy, but I'm not sure how I feel about those either. I found a few other ideas. I'll post them here so I have a list to reference, but let me know what you think:

Have all men come forward to catch the bouquet as a prize for their wife. Have the women come forward to catch the garter as a prize for their husband.

The breakaway where the bouquet breaks apart into multiple pieces so more than woman catches it.

Those who catch the bouquet or garter get a dance with or kiss from the bride or groom 

manateehugger

Blunt honesty: Other people's S/O's might be different, but I can tell you there's no way my FI would go catch the bouquet for me. I wouldn't go catch a garter for FI either (what the heck is he supposed to do with it?).

I also wouldn't care about a charm or wish. Or about getting a kiss/dance from you or your groom (awkward).

heidirs731

I just feel like I'm bribing my guests to do the toss with lottery tickets or gift cards. Maybe just do the traditional toss and invite all the guys and all girls regardless of relationship status and go with whatever happens there.

harper0813

I don't think it's bribing. It would just excite them. Otherwise, you may not see many participants. And that would be embarrassing.

Honestly, the tosses have lost their symbolism - it's lost on everyone anyway. It's an opportunity to humiliate and be humiliated. So why not make it a non-raunchy game that everyone can enjoy?

manateehugger

zobird said:

I don't think it's bribing. It would just excite them. Otherwise, you may not see many participants. And that would be embarrassing. Honestly, the tosses have lost their symbolism - it's lost on everyone anyway. It's an opportunity to humiliate and be humiliated. So why not make it a non-raunchy game that everyone can enjoy?

All of this. I wont go catch a boquet just to tackle other women for it. But I might at least stand out there and catch it if it comes my way if I know there is a $20 Target gift card or something attached to it.

It's just a way to get people a little more reved up about an event during which people otherwise try to be at the bar or in the bathroom.

Dreamergirl8812

heidirs731 said:

I just feel like I'm bribing my guests to do the toss with lottery tickets or gift cards. Maybe just do the traditional toss and invite all the guys and all girls regardless of relationship status and go with whatever happens there.

You should be more concerned with making it fun for your guests, not trying to force them into wanting flowers or undergarments for "luck." You're coming across as bridezilla to me.

chibiyui

I'm planning on giving bottles of wine for the toss winners, and having them take a "shot" of wine with us.

heidirs731

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You should be more concerned with making it fun for your guests, not trying to force them into wanting flowers or undergarments for "luck." You're coming across as bridezilla to me.

If anything, the lottery tickets make me feel like I'd be forcing it. "You don't like the toss? Well, here's some money. How about now?" The lottery tickets just hit me as tacky for a tradition that I admire and love for it's symbolism. Sorry if that makes me seem like a bridezilla. I'm not trying to "force" my guests into the tosses. I am trying to make things more fun, I just didn't like the lottery ticket idea. 

I know many don't like it because it imposes on the single ladies, and that's why I thought inviting all women would make it easier, more fun, and less stressful. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I've never had the aversion to it many other people seem to have. If someone has another idea other than lottery tickets, I would love to hear it.

Jen4948

heidirs731 said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You should be more concerned with making it fun for your guests, not trying to force them into wanting flowers or undergarments for "luck." You're coming across as bridezilla to me.

If anything, the lottery tickets make me feel like I'd be forcing it. "You don't like the toss? Well, here's some money. How about now?" The lottery tickets just hit me as tacky for a tradition that I admire and love for it's symbolism. Sorry if that makes me seem like a bridezilla. I'm not trying to "force" my guests into the tosses. I am trying to make things more fun, I just didn't like the lottery ticket idea. 

I know many don't like it because it imposes on the single ladies, and that's why I thought inviting all women would make it easier, more fun, and less stressful. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I've never had the aversion to it many other people seem to have. If someone has another idea other than lottery tickets, I would love to hear it.

Skip the tosses altogether.  Inviting all women won't do anything to make them easier, less stressful, or fun in any way.  And it's pointless for women who are already married.

harper0813

Gift cards
Any non-related wedding gift that almost anyone could enjoy - bottle of wine to give to whoever catches?

But I think a gift card would be the biggest crowd pleaser. Starbucks, movie theater chain, gas station, Walgreens, Target, etc.

heidirs731

Yes, I do understand the origin of the tradition. But that died out centuries ago. Just because it started as something grotesque does not mean it's the same reason people still do it today. I've been to several weddings, two in the last five years, and all have had the toss. I've never seen anyone disgusted at it for the reasons you just stated. I've never seen anyone disgusted at it at all. I just don't think my family has the aversion to it all of you have. And apparently the family of my groom doesn't either because we've both seen it done regularly and see no problem of continuing the tradition. I was just trying to find different ways of doing it since our group of single people was only a handful.

When exactly was I insulting? The lottery tickets were mentioned, and I said they didn't sit right with me. I voiced my opinion. It's not insulting advice to say I didn't want to follow it. The whole point of asking for advice is to get different angles on the subject. I didn't say your idea was stupid, I just said it wasn't for me.

And I do not expect my guests to "cherish my used underwear." I don't know where you guys are getting these grandiose ideas. I fully expect it to go the trash later. I know people don't keep them.

I didn't expect to find that level of hate on here. I was just trying to find a spin on a tradition that I and my family have seen as nothing more or less than good fun. Sorry it's such a touchy subject. Forget I ever said anything.  

heidirs731

I'm sorry if you felt I was insulting you. That was not my intent. Perhaps I did not explain myself fully enough to get across that I personally did not like it but saw nothing wrong with your decision to do it.

I do care about the symbolism of the toss, but your view of it being about sex and barbarism is completely different than my view of the bride and groom passing on their joy and happiness to their guests. To replace that symbolic act with the potential of money and to make the toss about that just seemed wrong to me. Obviously, you don't feel about it the same way I do, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I do view the toss differently than you, so what you feel is a good idea to incorporate, I might not agree with.

MandyMost

Doesn't the guy who catches the garter traditionally put the garter on the woman who catches the bouquet? I've seen that done. Seriously, the only thing tackier and more tastless than lining up your single guests, pointing out to all your married guests that they are still single, and then flinging objects at them, is 1) the obnoxious act of the groom removing the garter from the bride. Seriously. No one wants to see that shit. Or think about your underwear. Or think about the groom having sex with you later., and 2) some random guy putting said used underwear on the leg of some humiliated woman. 

Making it for all men/women only removes the tackiness and humiliation of pointing out your single guests. It doesn't remove the rest of it. 

If you MUST throw stuff at your guests, I'd suggest just the bouquet (seriously, ditch the garter all together), and make it a break-away bouquet so it's really just a bunch of flowers, and toss it behind you as you leave. 

I don' t like the idea of attaching any prizes, or having prizes for who catches the stuff. How is bribing your guests to participate in something embarrassing not tacky?!

PrettyGirlLost

MandyMost said:

Doesn't the guy who catches the garter traditionally put the garter on the woman who catches the bouquet? I've seen that done. Seriously, the only thing tackier and more tastless than lining up your single guests, pointing out to all your married guests that they are still single, and then flinging objects at them, is 1) the obnoxious act of the groom removing the garter from the bride. Seriously. No one wants to see that shit. Or think about your underwear. Or think about the groom having sex with you later., and 2) some random guy putting said used underwear on the leg of some humiliated woman. 

Making it for all men/women only removes the tackiness and humiliation of pointing out your single guests. It doesn't remove the rest of it. 

If you MUST throw stuff at your guests, I'd suggest just the bouquet (seriously, ditch the garter all together), and make it a break-away bouquet so it's really just a bunch of flowers, and toss it behind you as you leave. 

I don' t like the idea of attaching any prizes, or having prizes for who catches the stuff. How is bribing your guests to participate in something embarrassing not tacky?!

Oh have I got a story about that. . .

ETA: We can't link to threads, otherwise I would link to the thread that has the story in it. . . and apparently we can't search back through all of our replies anymore so nvm ><

heidirs731

I have no plans of having the guy who catches the garter place it on the girl who catches the bouquet. That's extremely embarrassing and awkward. I've only seen it done at one wedding and the poor guy was humiliated. The girl seemed to think it was hilarious.

I've been debating about the breakaway bouquet. 

amandancer05

I've seen/heard of doing a married dance where all the married couples dance and the dj/announcer says if you've been married 1 year or less sit down, so on and so on until the couple who have been married the longest are the last one's standing. The bride then gives the bouquet to them. I've also seen the longest married couple share advice for a happy marriage.

You could put the garter around a football and throw that.

heidirs731

The football around the garter is a hilarious idea!

MuppetFan

heidirs731 said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

You should be more concerned with making it fun for your guests, not trying to force them into wanting flowers or undergarments for "luck." You're coming across as bridezilla to me.

If anything, the lottery tickets make me feel like I'd be forcing it. "You don't like the toss? Well, here's some money. How about now?" The lottery tickets just hit me as tacky for a tradition that I admire and love for it's symbolism. Sorry if that makes me seem like a bridezilla. I'm not trying to "force" my guests into the tosses. I am trying to make things more fun, I just didn't like the lottery ticket idea. 

I know many don't like it because it imposes on the single ladies, and that's why I thought inviting all women would make it easier, more fun, and less stressful. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I've never had the aversion to it many other people seem to have. If someone has another idea other than lottery tickets, I would love to hear it.

Well.....yeah you would basically have to entice me to participate.

But here:
http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-reception-planning/qa/bouquet-toss-alternatives.aspx

Jen4948

amandancer05 said:

I've seen/heard of doing a married dance where all the married couples dance and the dj/announcer says if you've been married 1 year or less sit down, so on and so on until the couple who have been married the longest are the last one's standing. The bride then gives the bouquet to them. I've also seen the longest married couple share advice for a happy marriage.

You could put the garter around a football and throw that.

As a single person I would hate "married couple" dances or giving the bouquet to the longest married couple.  That couple could be having problems in their marriage at that time too.

TiaTea

What StageManager14 described is British  tradition. Luckily, a lot of people have ancestors from other places too. There are bridal bouquets in other traditions and brides are tossing those bouquets for all kinds of reasons
I like the one,  where you toss it in a river. Some say it could be any body of water. According to some you toss it the day after the wedding, and according to others - on your first anniversary. According to some - it brings good luck to you, according to others - it spreads the good luck wherever it goes.
I like it either way:)
If you don't know how to toss it at the wedding, you can toss it in some river at some romantic spot .
(Make sure you toss only the flowers, because they are biodegradable, not any wraps! )

I don't know about tossing garters in any other traditions , but the British.
Mostly I've seen it in movies. The first time I saw it for real was at my cousin's wedding.
 I was mortified when he shoved his head under his fiance's skirt, because our grandmother was sitting wright there. So I am not a big fan of pulling anything under anybody's skirt.

If your husband wants to do something symbolic, can't he toss his boutonniere? His tie?  You can even make up your own symbolic event . I already mentioned the river. Or you can take your bouquet and his boutonniere and put them together under a really old tree, so your marriage will last as long as the tree has lived. Or you can send them to fly with some balloon.
Whatever you do, it will symbolize something for the two of you, and will be unique

[Deleted User]

Jen4948 said:

amandancer05 said:

I've seen/heard of doing a married dance where all the married couples dance and the dj/announcer says if you've been married 1 year or less sit down, so on and so on until the couple who have been married the longest are the last one's standing. The bride then gives the bouquet to them. I've also seen the longest married couple share advice for a happy marriage.

You could put the garter around a football and throw that.

As a single person I would hate "married couple" dances or giving the bouquet to the longest married couple.  That couple could be having problems in their marriage at that time too.

And traditionally, the garter/bouquet toss are meant for only single people.

Personally, though, we're skipping them. I'm DIYing my bouquet - and since it's basically a big ball of metal, I'm not throwing that at anyone. I'd rather not injure my guests... and I really don't want my new husband rooting around in my dress for all to see. He can do that once we're in our hotel room, ha! I'm not going to mention the tosses to any one, and I doubt anyone will miss them.

heidirs731

We're planning on doing the tosses and the married couples dance. It's funny because I didn't know it was a thing for the groom put his head under the bride's dress. I've never seen it done that way. I will have to talk to my guy about how he plans on doing it.

melb2013

I did the anniversary dance.  I know a lot of people here aren't a fan, but each time I've seen it done, everyone has always showered the couple with compliments about what a nice way that is to give away the bouquet because it's truly about marriage.  As a guest, I've never seen anyone be offended or annoyed, including those whose spouses were dead.

I asked my grandfather, who lost my grandmother 4 years ago, if he would be okay if we did this and he said "why would I care?".  I don't think he thought to be upset for a second.  At our wedding, my grandfather's cousins got the bouquet- they've been married 56 years.  The whole thing was quick and painless. 

We didn't do a garter toss.  The idea of my husband going up my dress in front of everyone was horrifying to me.

missmo14

Ive just decided against the garter toss for the same reasons above. There is just no way im letting my possibly drunk husband up my dress in front of our guests. Ive promised him a private garter retrieval in our hotel suite.

heidirs731

Picked up my bouquet today. It's fake, but each flower is individually stemmed so I can do the breakaway if I decide to do that. If nothing else, I plan on saving a flower for my mom.

I don't know why anyone wouldn't like the anniversary dance.

clg1213

heidirs - The concern I've heard on the anniversary dance is that it could cause hurt people who were widowed or, in some cases. people who are divorced.  

I did it in my 1st and it was fun.  In my upcoming 2nd, I worry about FI's mom since her husband died last year....not sure what she'd feel, but I imagine a mix of emotions incl sorrow, envy (and, for some, disappointment in themselves for the envy), and loneliness.