Wedding Etiquette Forum

STD Etiquette

I'm about a year out from my wedding and we're getting ready to order STD's. Having been a long time knottie, I've heard my fair share of "ZOMG we sent STD to EVERY ONE, do we HAVE to invite them now!?!?!?11/" horror stories. As a result only our family, (ie the people we could comfortable host in our back yard with cake and punch should the worst happen) are getting STDs. 

So my question is, its ok to only send them to siblings, Grandparents, Aunts/Uncles, and Cousins and not our friends? Also, do adults who live at home still need their own STD (I know they get their own wedding invite) or is it ok to send it to 'The So&So Family'?

Normally I would have skipped the STD and just emailed our VIP's, but there are a few weddings coming up in the family this year and I wanted people to be able to plan...

Thanks in advance for the awesome advice!!  





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Re: STD Etiquette

  • harper0813harper0813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2013
    I find it perfectly acceptable for adults living with their parents to not receive their own. Save the dates go on fridges, so unless they have their own personal fridges, a STD will end up in the trash because no one needs to put up several of the same card on the fridge. Just address it to the family - but list them by name. Otherwise they might interpret as the STD being extended to the grandma on the other side of the family or anyone else random they might think they can bring along.

    ETA: The adults (anyone 18+) should receive their own invites, though. But I think you already knew that.
  • Ditto Zo. I sent mine out in circles- family first, then friends, then friends of family once we had the money in our bank account to cover everyone. It was over a couple of months. There was no crossover so people didn't know they weren't sent at the same time and if someone had noticed, I would have said I was just being slow at addressing. 
  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited July 2013
    @lennonkdc  Just make sure if you're sending them to 'The So&So Family' that you're also inviting any children in that family besides the adult children, otherwise I would send two different STDs.   If you're planning on including kids at the wedding then just one STD with 'The So&So Family' is fine. 

  • lennonkdc said:
    I'm about a year out from my wedding and we're getting ready to order STD's. Having been a long time knottie, I've heard my fair share of "ZOMG we sent STD to EVERY ONE, do we HAVE to invite them now!?!?!?11/" horror stories. As a result only our family, (ie the people we could comfortable host in our back yard with cake and punch should the worst happen) are getting STDs. 

    So my question is, its ok to only send them to siblings, Grandparents, Aunts/Uncles, and Cousins and not our friends? Also, do adults who live at home still need their own STD (I know they get their own wedding invite) or is it ok to send it to 'The So&So Family'?

    Normally I would have skipped the STD and just emailed our VIP's, but there are a few weddings coming up in the family this year and I wanted people to be able to plan...

    Thanks in advance for the awesome advice!!  


    Thank you for asking this question! I have been looking for this answer. We are thinking of only sending STD to who we can afford to host as of now, which is pretty much just family and a few close friends. 

    Is it rude to send out more invitations than save the dates? Even if ALL of the invitations go out at the same time (aka, no B list)?

    Sorry to hijack this post...I just didn't see the need to start a whole new thread.
  • @jean0715 I think that if you send STD's in circles its cool. I wouldn't send them to some friends/co-workers and not others, though. My cut off is if you share DNA with FI our I, you're getting a STD. 
    For the very few friends that we must have who's inclusion would not change regardless of our finances, I'm just telling them the date. Co-workers- they're just getting invites. 

    As long as all invites go out together I think you're ok...



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  • @Jean0715  Rule of Thumb:

    "To every Save the Date sent an Invite must follow,
    But to every Invite there needn't be a Save the Date."
  • Jean, sending only select guests STDs is perfectly fine. Heck, I wish I had done that.
  • I think it's totally fine to send more invitations than save-the-dates.

    The whole point of a save-the-date is that there are some people who "should" be at your wedding. It's basically a more formal way of contacting close friends and family and saying, "Hey, we finally have an official date!" So that, like ... people don't accidentally schedule vacation that conflicts with your wedding. I had to miss my uncle's wedding two years ago because I had already booked a 10-day vacation and couldn't afford to change my flight to make the wedding.
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  • I'm so happy you asked this!! I'm sending mine out very soon and this is exactly what I've been wondering as well. Great advice! 

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  • You're fine. STDs should only go to the people that you MUST have there. You decide this criteria, but usually family and close friends. If things go south and for some reason you have to scale back you aren't obligated to invite a whole bunch of people who got an STD.

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  • You should really only tell people you're intimate with about it.
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    Previously Alaynajuliana


  • You do your save the dates like your invitatons...as far as the invitation list.

    save the dates are for destination wedding, holiday moments, or an odd hour such as a wedding during work week at 11a.m. or a midnight cocktail moment.

    Otherwise you can use a creative email and send out regular invites.

  • You're smart to avoid the "do I really HAVE to invite them now?" because the answer is always "yup, you do." Great move!

    Send them 8-10 months in advance (if it's a totally local wedding, I think 6-7 is fine). Start telling your VIPs by word of mouth to mark their calendars. 

    Regarding sending an adult child living at home their own, I would. I see that other people would not, but IMHO STDs should be handled the same way you handle invitations - adults under the same roof get their own. It's what I did and I don't regret it. It probably cost us about $20 more to do it. No biggie.
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  • Thank you everyone!
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