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Budgeting for Couples - What's Your Strategy?

DH (first time i've said that on here...so weird!) and I have been debating about what to do with our finances. I know every couple does things their own way, and we're super confused about where to start. We've both managed our own money in the past, but now that we're married and financially tied I just feel like we need to:

a. Know each other's full financial picture (more on a technical level, we already know what each other has/owes)

b. Know how to pay each other's bills in case an emergency came up

c. Set joint financial goals and possibly a joint budget

I suppose I just feel like if we have a joint budget we are more likely to hold each other accountable and see the rewards as we achieve our joint goals. I don't know where to start though. I've put some questions below if anyone wants to give their input. Mostly just trying to get ideas and see what works for other couples.

1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple? 

7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

Re: Budgeting for Couples - What's Your Strategy?

  • labrolabro member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    Our" budget" currently is we pretty much go halfsies on everything. Or we try to share the cost in other equivalent ways.

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

    Currently both of our accounts are separate. We discussed creating a joint account just for home expenses but never followed through. When we get married we both agree that we want to maintain a joint account only.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    Generally, although he helps to limit me because sometimes I go overboard on the fun money aspect when the money is needed for more important expenses.

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    Most of our bills are set on autopay so we already know what deductions are coming ahead of time. We each budget based around that and then we take turns on things like groceries, home repair, etc. BF and I both have student loans and we pay those separately along with our own individual credit card bills, car expenses, etc. Our budget plan for when we're married is to use my paycheck to cover and rapidly pay off our major debts (student loans) and use his check to cover our living expenses.

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    We're both totally independant of one another. We aren't accountable to each other for how we choose to spend our money although we both do our best to be responsible about it.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple? 

    We're both totally independant of one another. In some ways I'd like a joint acount so we can share expenses like groceries and bills, rather than sending one another money through Chase QuickPay or taking turns paying for food at the store.

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

    Not currently. We've discussed trying to pay off our student loans within 2 years and then saving the same amount towards awesome overseas vacations. That will be our major reward. 

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    My dad is a huge believer in Dave Ramsey and since he's done pretty well for himself in life I tend to trust the financial advice my dad shares with me. BF and I are good friends with another couple (they just celebrated their one year married anniversary) who are following the advice in his Smart Money book. They're planning on buying a home this December so it seems to be working well for them.

    Personally, I think the major things right now are for you both to write out your total net incomes, debts, reserve funds, etc. and start from there. Start generating financial goals like how much you want to save for retirement, or how much money you need to save to buy a new car. My dad does all of his stuff on spreadsheets and I can see his financial plan for years into the future as to when the mortgage will be paid, when a car loan will be paid, when he wants to purchase a new car, etc. He also budgets in savings for vacations, fun things, things of that nature. No expense is ever a surprise to him. What you both also need to decide is if you both want to jointly handle your expenses or if one of you wants to be "in charge" of tracking the budget. Another good habit is to set a morning, afternoon, evening, whatever, once a week to go over your accounts to follow up on expenses and make sure you are on track for the month. Linky The link is for AARP's budget calculator. I used to have a really good one but the link appears to no longer be working.



  • minskat30minskat30 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2013

    1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    We do not but we are both lucky enough to have jobs that allow us to save in addition to our monthly expenses.  We both know what our monthly expenses are and have tracked them out for each other.

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

    We have a joint account that we used for the wedding.  It is still sitting there but we keep our separate accounts too, and that is what we pay our respective bills out of.  I pay the major bills 100% each month (mortgage, utilities, insurance, etc.) and he saves the half he would have "owed" of that amount.  It works for us because I'm always on time paying bills and sometimes he forgets.  He can't, however, forget to save the half we "owes" of our bills since it goes auto-saved into our joint account.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    Yes, we are very lucky to both have good jobs.  We don't spend it much on every day kind of things (I don't remember the last time one of us went clothes/shoe shopping) but will go out to the movies or a nice restaurant once a month.  We do love to travel so we tend to save up for those kinds of splurges.

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    We have different accounts and I manage the bills every month.  He manages a few of his own bills (his cell, his mortgage and his tenant currently living in his place).

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    We know each other's strengths and utilize them.  He is good at investing and is really into researching investment options (which is so mind numbing to me after a full day doing legal work).  I'm great at managing details, monthly bills and keeping the day-to-day on track.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple?

    I really want to be able to completely live off of one of our salary and 100% save the rest of the other person's salary.  I think it would put us in a great position going-forward but we aren't there yet.

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

    We only have my student debt (government loans with such a low interest rate it is better to invest the money I would use to pay them down) and our mortgages (his renter covers his; my mortgage interest is my only tax deduction I can really take) as far as big milestone expenses so we don't have any plans to pay those down as of now. 

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    I talk to a financial planner about every 3-5 months to stay on track with my personal investments.  H could list tons of books/websites/blogs on financial planning (he is very into the subject) but all I can think of off hand are some Warren Buffet books.

  • 1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget? Nope, not yet. We kind of consult each other on major expenses (anything over say $200 or so) just because it does affect our joint financial situation, if that makes sense.

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts? Separate accounts.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want? We spend as we wish right now, trying to keep each other in mind. Like I know he'll pick up some more expenses in August as my school bills come due, I'll make up for it later.

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.) I use Quicken to maintain mine, no idea what he does.

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple? We're independent.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple? Like lmholl, we're independent.

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans) We haven't hit milestones.

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic? I did mine by trial-and-error. For right now, it's working, but long-term it's going to be problematic. Can't wait to see what everyone else says!

  • 1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    Not really

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?We have separate accounts and a joint account

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    Yes we do and it's in each of our own accounts

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    It's hard to do that really, especially this year with the wedding and the house.  We've talked about money coming in and going out and what we are comfortable with.  We will have to revisit after the wedding

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple? Nothing in particular, but I trust him and he trusts me.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple?

    We are not funneling everything through a joint acct yet, I've been asking FI for 2 months to switch the direct deposit to the joint acct

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

    No, we don't have any debt besides our mortgages

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    Nope

    Anniversary

  • 1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    Not really. H keeps a spreadsheet with the rent, utilities, and any other joint expenses that we use when it's rent check time. We write two rent checks, but mine is more because he pays the utilities first. The goal is to split the total 50/50.

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

    We have 100% separate accounts. We tried to have a single joint account to pay rent and utilities from, but it turned out I couldn't get a separate login for H.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    As long as the rent and utilities are paid, we can do whatever we want. However, that's tempered by the fact that we're trying to buy a $600,000 house.

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    Spreadsheet as referenced in #1 above. It's not really a budget--more of an expense sheet.

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    Separate finances mean there is no judgment about spending of personal funds.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple?

    I was a bit uncomfortable about not having logins to our various utility accounts. H eventually gave in and made me an "in case of emergency" list of the logins. He thinks I will "take over" otherwise. Also, it would be more convenient to have a joint account where we each direct deposit a portion of our paychecks. We will likely do this when we buy a house.

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

    Nope. But I also have no debt. Our reward will be a house whenever we eventually get an offer accepted.

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    Mint.com. I also read part of a Suze Orman book that was kind of interesting. I don't recall the title.

  • These posts are really interesting to me...I really like the idea of a list of logins to our accounts in case of emergency.  I pay 95% of the bills and I wouldn't want something to fall by the wayside if something happened to myself....I'll have to put this together for H.

    For those of you who have separate finances, do you think one of you will be more in control when (if ever) you join up your finances?  If so, why?  

  • For what it's worth, I think I will be more in control of our finances once we join up. And I base that solely off watching my mom be in control of paying bills instead of my dad. I anticipate there might be a few tussles over this (we've both controlled our own lives for quite some time).
  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    Sort of? We each decide our budgets separately (he likes to have money every month to buy a bottle of nice liquor, and unlike me, he doesn't budget for expensive hair cuts). We discuss our budgets together, though.

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

    We have one joint savings account, for wedding expenses.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    Hells yeah. Necessary to maintain emotional health!

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    We each use spreadsheets on Google Drive. We also have automatic withdrawals from checking into savings every month.

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    We keep track of ALL expenses (including Starbucks and Amazon Instant Video purchases) and work hard to make sure that we're not suggesting things like take-out or going out to dinner with the other person is having a tight month.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple? 

    Oh god I am so bad at keeping track of individual expenses.

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)?

    I don't, but I think he does. He's not going to finish paying off his loans for YEARS, and I'm in grad school so I'm not working on mine right now.

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    Website to manage shared expenses: SplitWise. It's AWESOME.
    Google Drive is nice because if you have a smartphone, you can just access your budget when you need to, instead of saving receipts or writing it down and forgetting where you put things.

    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • I love all the website/tracking suggestions. I'm going to have to look into some of these. Honestly, we've been together for years and managing our own finances works great. I just feel like we'll have to eventually have a joint budget when we have kids. I can't imaging splitting kid-related expenses "down the middle"...so why not just do it jointly now? You ladies have given me a lot to think about!
  • 1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    Not a hard budget, but spending guidelines and we check in on most big purchases. 

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

    We have a joint account that both our paychecks go into and where the mortgage and household bills come from. We have an automatic withdrawal set up to a joint savings account for the wedding, and we each get a weekly 'allowance' that goes to individual checking accounts. 

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    We do, see the allowance above, we get a set amount each week for 'pocket money', for lunches, coffee, stuff like that.  

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    We have the 4 different accounts, and track them all using Quicken.

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    It makes us communicate more about our joint goals; it makes me more aware of where my money goes; b/c our pay goes into a joint account to begin with, I don't feel like I'm losing out on "my" money. 

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple? 

    it was a rocky start, there were some heated discussions that really had more to do with 'feelings' about money, then a rational approach to money. The flip side is we talked it out and had some really nice, productive conversations about finances. 

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

    Well, right now we're saving for the wedding...we're hoping to put enough away to take a honeymoon to London, so thats really motivating us :) We are hoping that once the wedding is over we can keep saving at our near our current rate for a while, so we can afford some fun vacations and such down the line...

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?




    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm a newbie but I'm trying to post more and BF and I are pretty anal about budgeting so I figured I'd share: 

    1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget? 

    Yes, for joint expenses (food, rent, utilities, dates/having fun together, buying wedding presents for our gazillion friends getting married recently)

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

    We each have our own accounts and have a joint checking account also (no savings account). We looked at our joint budget for the month, divided it into 4 and alternate weeks depositing that amount into the joint account. We have each have a debit card attached to the joint checking.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    Yes, the money that we each have in our own budget is ours to spend how we choose. I know other (married) couples though who put all their money into a joint savings account and then each get $X a month in their own account to spend how they wish and when the money runs out, so does their fun money. 

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    Mint.com and Mint apps. Seriously-- most helpful website ever. I check every day and it tracks down to the cent what you spend and where. 

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    We always pay our bills on time and don't have to worry about whose turn it is to pay the electric bills. We also each have debit cards so we can buy things using joint money even if the other isn't there. We also get our own money to spend however we choose. 

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple?

    It can get complicated if you do a purchase that involves "joint" expenses AND "personal" expenses and need to transfer money.  

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

    I'm a med student, he's a law student-- there are no such rewards (yet) :-P

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    Mint!!!

  • 1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    We have a joint savings and checking account but also have our own accounts.

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

    We do monthly excel spread sheets for each of our accounts and also have one for our joint account. His bills come out of his account and mine come out of mine. Our big bills come out of the joint account.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    Right now with me just getting a job and FI still looking, we don't really have "fun money."

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    Excel spreadsheets.

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    We know each others finances very well. Plus we both have a don't buy what you don't need mentality which has helped our recent situation.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple?

    Other then the drastic cut in income, nothing.

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

    No but this is a wonderful idea!

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    Dave Ramsey.

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  • @allusive007
    Confession: I'm posting this, then going back and reading everyone's answers.

    1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    Yes.

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?

    We have two joint accounts, one is our checking account, another is savings (though the savings is also a checking account). I have an online savings account that has some of our money in it. I think he has one more account (I honestly can't remember). It's more for his peace of mind, because his ex-wife was super-controlling of their money.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?

    Each week we get an 'allowance' that we can spend however we want. I'm pretty good at sticking to it, he isn't.

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)

    We have a spreadsheet that lists all of the bills that come out of our checking account (some bills are paid straight from one of our credit cards, others are taken directly out of DHs paycheck). Each week when we get paid, I go to the spreadsheet and put everything coming out in the next two weeks so we have an idea what is left over. 

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    We are both comfortable spending above our 'allowance' if we want. We talk about big purchases, but still have freedom to make choices for ourselves. Also, we both max out our 401ks and have money automatically taken from our paychecks to be put into savings.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple? 

    My husband is allergic to the word 'budget.' He feels like he has worked hard and makes a good amount of money, so he shouldn't have to stick to a strict budget, whereas I've always lived paycheck to paycheck, so I want to hoard every extra dollar we make. We're in an ok place, but we do have regular conversations as we try to get closer to being on the same track.

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)

    Not really. We might go out to dinner or something like that, but usually we just move on to whatever the next loan is.

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    It is going to sound ridiculous, but I think Oprah's Debt Diet saved my (financial) life. I don't know if all the info is still on her website, but about seven years ago she started a series. It had lots of spreadsheets and tips. 

    What REALLY helped me was going through my checkbook and adding up all the little charges (convenient store, lunches, small Target purchases, etc). I was shocked to find out that while I had $300 in expendable income every month, I was spending $700! No wonder I couldn't make a dent in my credit cards!

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    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • edited August 2013

    1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget? If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts? Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want? I am combining these three as (for us, anyway) they all tie together.  My SO and I have separate bank accounts - for this reason, we are able to do with our "free" money as we see fit, surprise each other with gifts or splurges without any questions or guilty feelings.  We don't necessarily have a budget, outside of grocery expenses. We each have a set of bills we are responsible for.  We still split the costs of each, and will request funds as need be, but the actual paying will come out of one account or another: for example, I take care of cable bill and phone, he does utilities and pays the rent.  We have our accounts linked for transfers to make moving money easier.

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.) Outside of bills we split, we each keep track of our own expenses. If we have CC bills to pay, student loans, etc. we make sure those are paid. any money left over is ours to do with as we like... we feel like we've earned separate paychecks, we can spend it separately also.  Our money is still 'tied' in that if one of us needs extra, we will obviously share.  It is 'our' money in all intents and purposes, but we keep is separate so we don't nit-pick on spending habits.  As long as bills are paid and food is on the table, no worries!!

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple? No fights about money. Ever. 

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple? Having to trust that each of us will remember to pay our assigned bills.  At this point, however, it's become a habit and it's not anything to worry about. In the beginning, I would worry things weren't paid on time.

    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans): Not really. Although one of us will usually suggest something, like going out for dinner or buying ourselves a reward for being awesome lol

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic? I like to play with Calculators on my credit union website - they have everything from CC payoff, mortgage, savings calculators.. you name it.  It lets me experiment which how I manage my money.  I also like to use spreadsheets to plan for expenses and adjust my personal spending as we go along. I don't necessarily follow any spreadsheets I create to a T - but they help me get an idea of what would work best for me

    EDIT:  I should add, also that we do consult each other over large purchases.  Even though our money is separate, we still considerate it shared - and anything expensive could affect our situation if something were to happen and we needed emergency expenses to be paid. 
  • We're kind of weird that we both manage our own money, I just write H a check for a set amount each month to help with our joint expenses.  It's just worked for us since we got together, so it seems like way more work than it's worth to try to combine everything and figure out a whole new system.  It's not exact, but it works...and it's not like we don't consider our income/expenses 'joint', it's just that we manage it separately.  

    It is a good point though that we need to have user id's & passwords written down somewhere in case of emergency.  

  • 1. Do you and your SO/FI/DH have a joint budget?

    We do now, we combined our account when we had dd. the first for years of our relationship, including 3 years living together, we had separate accounts. Now that they are combined nothing has really changed for us. He payed the mortgage and the bills, because he is old school and don't want to charge me rent. In turn, I took the same amount and put it into a savings account. So when we combined accounts, I had a very healthy size saving account. Which helps both of us toward our goals.

    2. If you have a joint budget, do you have a joint account or do you both keep separate accounts?
    No, we have two combined accounts one saving and one checking.

    3. Do you each have "fun money" that you can spend on whatever you want?
    Kind of, nether of us is on an allowance. We spend basically like we did before we combined accounts. I have always pulled out $40 each Saturday as my spending money, and I still do. But if its a special occasion then I pull out what I need.

    4. How do you maintain your budget? (Spreadsheet, monthly envelopes, different accounts, etc.)
    We both used excel doc before so when we combined accounts we combined excel docs.its on the cloud which loads onto all of our devices (iPad,phones and Mac) so we can both add to it. The.

    5 . What is awesome about the way you're currently handling finances as a couple?

    We are very similar in the way we handle finances. We both live well under our means and have zero debt. We are currently loving off one paycheck and putting the other into saving to help move is closer to our goals.

    6. What do you dislike about your current method of handling finances as a couple?
    I just finished my phd, and certification to become a principal. We are both teacher but because of my education level I make a bit more that fi, and when I move into an administator position it will be even bigger gap. Fi is a little old school and wants to be able to provide more financially for his family.


    7. Do you have "rewards" when you hit milestones (such as paying off student loans)
    We don't carry any debt so not really. I guess the rewards for us would be when we need new cars, we can buy them outright which is a good feeling and doesn't add any financial stress to our relationship.

    8. Are there any books, websites, blogs, etc. that you would recommend relative to this topic?

    I guess Dave Ramsey, growing up my parents both used his methods. But not because they were following his methods(his books and methods weret even a thing then) but because they lived within their means.
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