They knew and they did it anyway...

jeull64

So, let me get this straight... you would have her husband wage a battle with his family over her last name?  Seriously?   You want him to have to chose between his FAMILY and his WIFE?  over a LAST NAME?  because that is exactly what you are going to force him to do.

He has already chosen to spend the rest of his life with her.  Now, she wants to alienate his family because they wont use the correct last name?

Drama much??

Jen4948

jeull64 said:

So, let me get this straight... you would have her husband wage a battle with his family over her last name?  Seriously?   You want him to have to chose between his FAMILY and his WIFE?  over a LAST NAME?  because that is exactly what you are going to force him to do.

He has already chosen to spend the rest of his life with her.  Now, she wants to alienate his family because they wont use the correct last name?

Drama much??

His family members are the ones creating the drama-not the OP.

What someone's name is is a very personal decision, for them to make alone, and nobody else gets a say.  And when people passive-aggressively address them improperly, after being asked not to, they are doing it to send a message that they don't respect them.  That's unacceptable.

And since it's the husband's family members who are doing this, yes, he needs to be the one to speak up and make it clear to them that there are adverse consequences for doing so.

southernbelle0915

jeull64 said:

So, let me get this straight... you would have her husband wage a battle with his family over her last name?  Seriously?   You want him to have to chose between his FAMILY and his WIFE?  over a LAST NAME?  because that is exactly what you are going to force him to do.

He has already chosen to spend the rest of his life with her.  Now, she wants to alienate his family because they wont use the correct last name?

Drama much??

Yea no. I have no idea where you got the impression anyone is asking him to choose sides (drama much??). I also am confused where you think there is any "battle waging" to be done (drama much??). There's also no where in this thread where anyone suggests or eludes to alienating anyone's family (drama much??). Sorry but all that drama is in YOUR head. 

This isn't that dramatic - I was addressed incorrectly on purpose because my in-laws don't respect MY choice on keeping my last name. My husband happens to support MY choice and thinks that it's out of line for his family to push their opinions on me by addressing me by the wrong name on purpose. HE decided to address the issue with them. No one is forcing him to do anything. 

It's not that complicated - you call someone by their name. Simple. Not dramatic. I think you watch too much TV.

OjitosVerdes

southernbelle0915 said:

jeull64 said:

So, let me get this straight... you would have her husband wage a battle with his family over her last name?  Seriously?   You want him to have to chose between his FAMILY and his WIFE?  over a LAST NAME?  because that is exactly what you are going to force him to do.

He has already chosen to spend the rest of his life with her.  Now, she wants to alienate his family because they wont use the correct last name?

Drama much??

Yea no. I have no idea where you got the impression anyone is asking him to choose sides (drama much??). I also am confused where you think there is any "battle waging" to be done (drama much??). There's also no where in this thread where anyone suggests or eludes to alienating anyone's family (drama much??). Sorry but all that drama is in YOUR head. 

This isn't that dramatic - I was addressed incorrectly on purpose because my in-laws don't respect MY choice on keeping my last name. My husband happens to support MY choice and thinks that it's out of line for his family to push their opinions on me by addressing me by the wrong name on purpose. HE decided to address the issue with them. No one is forcing him to do anything. 

It's not that complicated - you call someone by their name. Simple. Not dramatic. I think you watch too much TV.

Edited to say - the ONLY people putting anyone in a bad position are southernbelle's ILs. And I completely agree - this is a lot bigger deal than "just a name" or mail. 

jeull64

It is just a drama thing.

Someone is throwing a tantrum because they arent getting what they think/deem they deserve.

Its a NAME.  Good lord, seriously.  If this is the worst thing you have to worry about, consider yourself blessed and move on.  With all the real problems in the world, I just cant imagine choosing "this hill to die on" as others have posted.  Some day, when you grow up and mature, you will see just exactly how immature you are acting.  I'm hoping its not a trait you pass on to any of your children, because if you do, immediately remove yourself from the gene pool please?

You'll keep whining about it until there is a lynch mob.

Ajuliana

@jeull64...just no. Remove yourself from tbe gene pool? How about you remove yourself from the gene pool since you obviously don't have any SELF respect. Not to mention respect for others. Normal people don't tell someone else not to procreate. In fact, someone insisting on you not having children is the immature reaction to this situation. I agree you are the dramatic one.

jeull64

They arent calling her by her maiden name, the one she has chosen to keep... not something completely off the wall.

Yes, she is overreacting.

We're all entitled to our opinions.  I can think she is childish and immature.  You can think I am wrong.

Welcome to the online world of message boards.

Liatris2010 said:

jeull64 said:

It is just a drama thing.

Someone is throwing a tantrum because they arent getting what they think/deem they deserve.

Its a NAME.  Good lord, seriously.  If this is the worst thing you have to worry about, consider yourself blessed and move on.  With all the real problems in the world, I just cant imagine choosing "this hill to die on" as others have posted.  Some day, when you grow up and mature, you will see just exactly how immature you are acting.  I'm hoping its not a trait you pass on to any of your children, because if you do, immediately remove yourself from the gene pool please?

You'll keep whining about it until there is a lynch mob.

So then when your in laws decide to call you Jessica because they like it better than Jeull64, you'll just respond to it, because "it's just name" and who cares about being called by the right one?

Jen4948

jeull64 said:

They arent calling her by her maiden name, the one she has chosen to keep... not something completely off the wall.

Yes, she is overreacting.

We're all entitled to our opinions.  I can think she is childish and immature.  You can think I am wrong.

Welcome to the online world of message boards.

Liatris2010 said:

jeull64 said:

It is just a drama thing.

Someone is throwing a tantrum because they arent getting what they think/deem they deserve.

Its a NAME.  Good lord, seriously.  If this is the worst thing you have to worry about, consider yourself blessed and move on.  With all the real problems in the world, I just cant imagine choosing "this hill to die on" as others have posted.  Some day, when you grow up and mature, you will see just exactly how immature you are acting.  I'm hoping its not a trait you pass on to any of your children, because if you do, immediately remove yourself from the gene pool please?

You'll keep whining about it until there is a lynch mob.

So then when your in laws decide to call you Jessica because they like it better than Jeull64, you'll just respond to it, because "it's just name" and who cares about being called by the right one?

It's her name, she gets to decide what it should be, and nobody else does.  And if they refuse to accept that boundary, which other ones are they going to disrespect?  Does she have to let them just walk into her house because "it's not a hill to die on?"  Let them tell her how to raise her kid because "it's not a hill to die on?"

Names are indeed a hill to die on, because basic respect is involved-particularly when backing off is not going to produce respect.  And the OP has made it clear that it won't.

And why do you care so much that you need to be so hostile and emphatic in your answer?  You sound like the one who is overreacting to what isn't your particular issue.

doiexist1987

Jeull64- if said in laws were to ever do something for the op and/or her family, it could be a real hassle.  Say she had to borrow money from them, or they were given a check as a gift from her in laws, it would not be honored by the bank because it does not have her legal name on it.  They can think what they want, but it is important to respect people's names, and the OP had her reasons why she wanted to keep her maiden name, which was her prerogative and people have to at least recognize that.  It is the OPs in laws that are not only disrespecting the OP but her husband, their relative, by choosing to ignorantly disregard  one of the most public but highly intimate choices couples have to make.

cruffino

jeull64 said:

It is just a drama thing.

Someone is throwing a tantrum because they arent getting what they think/deem they deserve.

Its a NAME.  Good lord, seriously.  If this is the worst thing you have to worry about, consider yourself blessed and move on.  With all the real problems in the world, I just cant imagine choosing "this hill to die on" as others have posted.  Some day, when you grow up and mature, you will see just exactly how immature you are acting.  I'm hoping its not a trait you pass on to any of your children, because if you do, immediately remove yourself from the gene pool please?

You'll keep whining about it until there is a lynch mob.

The only tantrum I see is yours.

KeptInStitches

@Jeull64 - The problem is it shows a fundamental lack of respect for her as a person. Doesn't it matter to you when your name isn't spelled right? Yeah, your teeth grit a little. Now pretend that people who really should know better make a point of addressing you by the wrong name. Not just a misspelled name, a wrong name. It's pretty offensive, right? If they didn't take the time to look up your name ("let's see, it starts with a "J", so ... Johnson!" when your name is Jones), it's really irritating. When it's your in-laws - who disapprove of your decision to keep your own name - and who make a point of addressing you by your husband's name to drive this home - it crosses a boundary. It is more than reasonable to want to be addressed by the right name.

Plus, as PP said, a lack of respect like this can carry over. Who's to say the in-laws won't try to overrule her preferences on "the proper way to be a wife" or parenting? Setting boundaries and expectations starts here.

southernbelle0915

jeull64 said:

It is just a drama thing.

Someone is throwing a tantrum because they arent getting what they think/deem they deserve.

Its a NAME.  Good lord, seriously.  If this is the worst thing you have to worry about, consider yourself blessed and move on.  With all the real problems in the world, I just cant imagine choosing "this hill to die on" as others have posted.  Some day, when you grow up and mature, you will see just exactly how immature you are acting.  I'm hoping its not a trait you pass on to any of your children, because if you do, immediately remove yourself from the gene pool please?

You'll keep whining about it until there is a lynch mob.

@knotporscha - can you please remind this poster of the TOS? As far as I'm concerned telling someone they need to remove themselves from the gene pool is a bannable offense. Thanks.

Ajuliana

southernbelle0915 said:

jeull64 said:

It is just a drama thing.

Someone is throwing a tantrum because they arent getting what they think/deem they deserve.

Its a NAME.  Good lord, seriously.  If this is the worst thing you have to worry about, consider yourself blessed and move on.  With all the real problems in the world, I just cant imagine choosing "this hill to die on" as others have posted.  Some day, when you grow up and mature, you will see just exactly how immature you are acting.  I'm hoping its not a trait you pass on to any of your children, because if you do, immediately remove yourself from the gene pool please?

You'll keep whining about it until there is a lynch mob.

@knotporscha - can you please remind this poster of the TOS? As far as I'm concerned telling someone they need to remove themselves from the gene pool is a bannable offense. Thanks.

I think telling someone we WILL remove them from the gene pool is bannable. If you're right, I accept my ban as long as @knotporscha let's me delete my account properly.

southernbelle0915

I never knew it was childish and immature to have an expectation that your family call you be the correct name and to feel disrespected when they make a conscious decision not to.... This really strikes a chord with me @jeull64 - I now see the light and my husband and I will just let the disrespect continue. (*sarcasm*)

It almost seems like you have a personal problem with me - how incredibly insulting to say I should remove myself from the gene pool because I'm offended by deliberate disrespect. For as worked up and dramatic as you are about this (which is almost laughable and stinks of troll), I am recommending a strong margarita for you.

jeull64

southernbelle0915

 bursts out laughing... you want me to be banned because I suggested that if you are going to have whiny, immature children JUST LIKE YOURSELF....that you should remove yourself from the gene pool?

I didnt say you should be killed.  I didnt say I thought you should have run down your mama's leg. I said... you were a drama queen.  

And, you have proven my accusation.  Thanks!!

Not to mention... the whole lynch mob comment too.  I disagreed, so I must be banned.

You make it very easy to predict your next comments.

I'm done.  The drama queen has ruined most discussions for me, I think its time to go back to just reading and avoiding her.  Time to learn how to block someone.

Jen4948

jeull64 said:

southernbelle0915

 bursts out laughing... you want me to be banned because I suggested that if you are going to have whiny, immature children JUST LIKE YOURSELF....that you should remove yourself from the gene pool?

I didnt say you should be killed.  I didnt say I thought you should have run down your mama's leg. I said... you were a drama queen.  

And, you have proven my accusation.  Thanks!!

You proved these things about yourself.  She didn't prove them about anything, including herself.

southernbelle0915

jeull64 said:

southernbelle0915

 bursts out laughing... you want me to be banned because I suggested that if you are going to have whiny, immature children JUST LIKE YOURSELF....that you should remove yourself from the gene pool?

I didnt say you should be killed.  I didnt say I thought you should have run down your mama's leg. I said... you were a drama queen.  

And, you have proven my accusation.  Thanks!!

Does it make you feel better about yourself to personally attack an Internet stranger, call her names and make ludicrous accusations? If you're not trolling this is the most ridiculous thing ever.

+misslisa

"We're all entitled to our opinions.  I can think she is childish and immature.  You can think I am wrong."

Do you know the last person I heard use "It's just my opinion" as an excuse for making nasty, cruel comments about another human being?

A spoiled 11-year-old boy.

Sounds about right.

NYCBruin

@jeull64

I imagine you are taking/have taken your husband's name.  How would you feel if your in-laws refused to call you by your new last name?  Would it feel like they were slighting you?  Would you really not care at all?  

I'm going to start calling you "Sweet16" since you remind me of some of the girls on the show "My Super Sweet 16" given your ability to create drama out of thin air.  Since it's "just a name," I'm assuming you won't mind this.  

getoverwhatever

Don't have your husband do it. Your the one who's upset by it, you handle it. I would do it with sarcastic humor. Send a card back, and flip it around on them.

We're so glad you had a good time, and liked your gifts. We had a great time as well. Hope to see everyone real soon Mr."HisLastName" says Hi. Mrs "HisLastName" was just wondering though, (dad and sister's first names) John, Jane when will you be changing over to the new spelling of "HisLastName"

I would hand write it, put a smiley face, and sign your first names ONLY. along with 

Hi Mom, Love You

Jen4948

jeull64 said:

southernbelle0915

 bursts out laughing... you want me to be banned because I suggested that if you are going to have whiny, immature children JUST LIKE YOURSELF....that you should remove yourself from the gene pool?

I didnt say you should be killed.  I didnt say I thought you should have run down your mama's leg. I said... you were a drama queen.  

And, you have proven my accusation.  Thanks!!

Not to mention... the whole lynch mob comment too.  I disagreed, so I must be banned.

You make it very easy to predict your next comments.

I'm done.  The drama queen has ruined most discussions for me, I think its time to go back to just reading and avoiding her.  Time to learn how to block someone.

@southernbelle0915, is there any chance that jeull64 is your SIL's screen name?

NerdyLucy

 

jeull64 said:

Someone is throwing a tantrum because they arent getting what they think/deem they deserve.

I must say that it's very, very naive of you to think that the OP doesn't "deserve" to be referred to as her name.

NerdyLucy

southernbelle0915 said:

 For as worked up and dramatic as you are about this (which is almost laughable and stinks of troll), I am recommending a strong margarita for you.

This is what I'm suspecting as well.  There's no way she could be serious.

[Deleted User]

@southernbelle0915 Thank you for notifying me.

I issued warnings to any members that have replied with personal attacks in this thread.

ElcaB

southernbelle0915

Jen4948 said:

@southernbelle0915, is there any chance that jeull64 is your SIL's screen name?

haha nah - looks like she's an MOG (other threads). I just feel really sorry for her FDIL and her son if she acts like this IRL... that poor girl is in for more than she probably realizes.

banana468

southernbelle0915 said:

Jen4948 said:

@southernbelle0915, is there any chance that jeull64 is your SIL's screen name?

haha nah - looks like she's an MOG (other threads). I just feel really sorry for her FDIL and her son if she acts like this IRL... that poor girl is in for more than she probably realizes.

I hope her FDIL DOES change her name...to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. Then the groom can change his name to Crap Bag and who cares?!

Jen4948

getoverwhatever said:

Don't have your husband do it. Your the one who's upset by it, you handle it. I would do it with sarcastic humor. Send a card back, and flip it around on them.

We're so glad you had a good time, and liked your gifts. We had a great time as well. Hope to see everyone real soon Mr."HisLastName" says Hi. Mrs "HisLastName" was just wondering though, (dad and sister's first names) John, Jane when will you be changing over to the new spelling of "HisLastName"

I would hand write it, put a smiley face, and sign your first names ONLY. along with 

Hi Mom, Love You

This would probably go right over their heads and add fuel to the fire.

Since this is FI's family, the OP should not go around him.  He needs to stand with her and support her.  Part of being a spouse, fiance/e, or SO is to be one's partner's champion to one's own original family.

southernbelle0915

banana468 said:

Jen4948 said:

@southernbelle0915, is there any chance that jeull64 is your SIL's screen name?

haha nah - looks like she's an MOG (other threads). I just feel really sorry for her FDIL and her son if she acts like this IRL... that poor girl is in for more than she probably realizes.

I hope her FDIL DOES change her name...to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. Then the groom can change his name to Crap Bag and who cares?!

hahahah I just freaked out my co-workers from laughing so hard at this. Awesome.

jeull64

Attack all you want.  If it is what my future DIL wants, then it is what she will get.  Its her wedding, her marriage and her life.

THIS is the lynch mob I was talking about.