Garter Toss

Ldnaghey

our wedding is exactly 2 months away! yay! so excited! All the planning is going well (good thing, I want to be finished before school starts back up again!). But we are running into an issue with the garter toss tradition. Every wedding in both of our families has had one, neither of our families are particularly religious, and neither of us are shy by any means... but I am rather uncomfortable with my FI putting his hand up my dress in front of all our family and friends. He thinks that this tradition is hilarious and is insistent that we do it. I should probably add that he has had very very little requests for the wedding.

Does anyone have any ideas for alternatives or maybe some kind of compromise? Please help!

HisGirlFriday13

I'll start off by saying that FI and I aren't doing the garter toss or the bouquet toss. We are religious, but that's not why -- I am very shy, and the idea of FI rooting around UP MY SKIRT in front of my father is so completely horrifying to me that I can't even imagine it. 

(Since no garter toss, no bouquet toss. Fair is fair).

Also, I firmly believe that this is one of those things that's a bride-only decision, because it's YOUR body and YOUR dress and YOUR comfort level.

That being said, if you want a compromise or alternative, I don't have much. My only suggestion would be to put the garter down low on your leg -- below your knee, if possible -- and hold your dress firmly against the sides of your legs so he can't go up too far. 

Also, please, please, PLEASE do not make the girl who catches the bouquet have the garter put on her by the man who catches it. I have been there, done that, and it sucks hairy monkey balls.

Plusalso, as a guest, this stupid tradition always makes me so uncomfortable that I leave during it -- I go to the bathroom, freshen my make-up, get another drink, whatever. Most guests (or at least people I know) hate this tradition and wish it would die.

Jen4948

Tell him firmly, "NO.  It would be intensely embarrassing and humiliating for me to have you do this to me while you find it 'hilarious.' I really hate the idea.  Give it up."

southernbelle0915

If the thought makes you uncomfortable, imagine how horrible it'll be when both families and all your friends make a circle around you while this happens....

This is a super tacky, TMI tradition IMHO and if it makes you uncomfortable SAY NO. I realize he hasn't had many requests but its not right to do it for that reason. If he requested stuff that didn't make you uncomfortable, I'm sure you'd agree so say yes to those things. Not this.

misssunshine17

All the single women who would potentially get haggled to participate thank you for not making them do this. It is a outdated tradition that I wish would die. Even if it's calm, I get uncomfortable watching with the mixed audience.

J9lawrence

I, personally, hate this tradition!  I also don't want my Dad to watch my husband go up my dress.  When I was a single person attending weddings, I always hated being dragged out on the dance floor to catch the bouquet.  I get it, I am not in a relationship, do we have to make it even more obvious!?!?
 
We are not doing this at all but I have seen suggestions that the garter and bouquet could be used as part of the Longevity Dance.  The couple married the longest gets them after they have given you some marriage advice.  Perhaps you could promise your groom that he can have a private garter removal?    He will probably like that idea better!

chibiyui

If you want to do the tosses, just have a dummy garter to be tossed. One thats not on your body. Your FI should respect that you are not comfortable with him going up your skirt in front of people. 

We're probably going to do it, but no going up my dress and none of the the putting the garter on the bouquet catcher. They'll each get a bottle of wine instead.

Jen4948

J9lawrence said:

I, personally, hate this tradition!  I also don't want my Dad to watch my husband go up my dress.  When I was a single person attending weddings, I always hated being dragged out on the dance floor to catch the bouquet.  I get it, I am not in a relationship, do we have to make it even more obvious!?!?
 
We are not doing this at all but I have seen suggestions that the garter and bouquet could be used as part of the Longevity Dance.  The couple married the longest gets them after they have given you some marriage advice.  Perhaps you could promise your groom that he can have a private garter removal?    He will probably like that idea better!

The couple married the longest may be having difficulties with their own marriage or may not want to be recognized in this way.

If there has to be a garter removal at all, I'd just do it in private.

Ldnaghey

oh I am so glad other people felt the same way! and oh my goodness I have never heard of the garter catcher putting it on the bouquet catcher- how horrendous! thanks ya'll!

Majelin86

We aren't doing the garter toss or bouquet toss (I always hated going up with the 'single girls' for the bouquet toss and being singled out). Instead we are going to play the Shoe Game!